Monday, December 28, 2009

2009 in Retrospect


New Years Eve will be our fourth wedding anniversary. It's been a great four years. Full of lots of ups and downs - marriage is certainly harder than I ever imagined and most definately more wonderful than I ever imagined. It makes you grow up quick. Or at least act more grown up (ha!).
So we end the year strong with our anniversary. But there's been more to this year than before. There's been an IUI, a failed IVF and a positive IVF. We're 18 weeks away from meeting this little girl (Lord Willing of course!). I prayed to get 'knocked up in '09', and that prayer was answered. I know for some of you though, it hasn't turned out the way you want. And I have zero answers for that. I know that this is three years longer than we wanted to have kids, but I really believe that this has made us who we are and has changed us for the better. We've relied on God more than before, we've been careful not to make too many of our own plans, knowing that it's futile, and we just have to accept what comes before us.
So, as 2009 draws to a close, I am thankful, trying to be patient, and excited for what's ahead.
I hope those of you still waiting...will find yourselves In the Family Way in 2010!.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The star of my dream was...

Greg Louganis. The Olympic diver who hit his head. More than once.
I'm going to spare all of you the dream details, but I think that it had something to do with me watching the episode of the office where Michael 'outs' Oscar as a gay man.
That's all I have to say about that.

The nurse yesterday at my OB appointment asked me if I would be more comfortable meeting with the new woman doc they just hired. She seemed to read my mind with my DH that we weren't loving our OB, so we made our next appointment with her and I am VERY excited, but I also feel a little badly because I'm not one who is constantly looking for the BEST of everything. In traffic lanes, I don't jump around looking for the fastest lane. In a restaurant, I don't send food back because it's cold. But with an OB, when I am getting 95% of my information from books instead of the doctor...I'm willing to switch.
Next appointment I'll be 25 weeks. Crazy! Right now we're at 21 weeks. Horray and keep growing little girl!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Anterior Placenta

So I'm really not enjoying this whole "anterior placenta" thing.
Here's why:
I'm 20 weeks, and while I feel a lot of 'stuff' going on in my uterus at times, most of the time, I just feel the growth of my uterus (things like bending over at the waste has a whole new feeling to it!). But I'm not feeling kicks, I'm feeling light, almost painful 'things' (is that the whole butterfly thing?) and I've been feeling those for about 5-6 weeks now.
So I just keep telling myself that the placent is right where baby girl is kicking, so that's why I can't feel it.
But it still bums me out a bit. And then I worry a bit. And then I get frustrated with myself for worrying. Rinse and Repeat.

One new symptom this week: Am emotion mess. Really. I cried on the way to work, I cried watching Ebbie, the christmas movie starting Susan Lucci as Ebbi Scrooge (it's in no way sad, but in true Christmas movie fashion, over dramatic.) etc. That has to be good, right? Way to emotional? You all should've seen me overreact to the dog peeing on the bed! (my poor DH took the brunt of that one).

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Counting Chickens

We sent out (or I'm in the process of sending out) Christmas cards this year.
But this year is different.
This year, we have baby girl on the way, and I'm 20 weeks pregnant. When I look at the cards from friends in years past, when they were half way there, they mentioned it on the card.
Ex: Merry Christmas from Dan, Lucy, Matt, Emily, and baby due in March!
Or other more cutsie wordings.

So why couldn't I do it? Everyone we're sending a card to knows we're pregnant, but somehow, I couldn't justify doing that. That 'what if' question just lingers in my head.

So instead we have a cute card with two pictures of us and one picture of our dogs. Its a good card, but ... when will I just accept that as of now I'm pregnant and it's not a lie to put it on a Christmas card?

I always told myself that whenever we actually got pregnant I would enjoy it and not wait for something to go wrong. But here I am, waiting for something to go wrong. And I hate it.
I suppose that should be my New Years' Resolution, right? It should probably be a chance for me to accept by faith that this is where we're at, and I am a mother, just not to a baby I've met yet.

So, that's where I'm at. Battling between being very happy and excited, to feeling like I am counting my chicken's before they're hatched.

Did you guys put anything on your Christmas cards?

Saturday, December 12, 2009

It's a ...

Girl!
Yup, we saw those three lines that the ultrasound tech looks for, so she was fairly certain (although Erin knows all about being certain, right?).

So we're really excited, but truthfully, more than being really excited about the gender is that everything seemed to be okay. Cervix was closed, we saw four chambers of the heart, she was measuring two days ahead (which is fine. At six weeks, she was measuring 2 days behind, so growth is relative, right?).
Tomorrow is twenty weeks.

As my cousin (who is a NICU nurse) put it, only 4 more weeks until viability. I'm just counting down those days. Not that things can't happen after that point, but it feels so much more secure than where we're at now. I'd much rather believe that I'm basically halfway through this pregnancy though! Praise Jesus. Seriously.

I'm enjoying a rainy morning in So. Cal (there aren't many) and being very thankful for my family. I hope you are all having a great weekend as well.

Hello Team Pink! (and I think every single one of you guessed girl, so you can all be on the team-whatever that means!).

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Ultrasound update

So... on Monday we had our big ultrasound.
It was wonderful!
Everything looks good, we saw everything from a bladder, to a heart with four chambers... To the gender.
Do you want to know what we're having?

Take a guess in the comments and I'll update this weekend and let all y'all know.

Things are going well, and now I'm super excited about making some real plans.

Only one more month until viability!

I hope you're all having a great day, and guess who has two thumbs and just found that blogspot has been unblocked at work? This Girl! Now I have something to do between passing periods again!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Almost 19 weeks and Thigh Pain!

It starts slowly. Just kind of like an ache. By the night, it feels like a huge muscle ache and everytime I get up to walk, it feels like between my upper thigh and knee someone is pulling my muscle back like a giant rubber band.
I've looked it up. It's not showing any signs of being a blod clot, but it is showing a lot of signs of being sciatica. I have no medical diagnosis, but essentially, I'm finding it's random, normal, and either walking or laying down will help.
Why is that helpful to know? It's like the two solutions are the exact opposite of each other. Yikes! I know I can take tyl.enol to help, and I probably should've in the middle of the night last night just to help me with the pain, but I didn't and this morning it feels better. This is the second time this has happened (the other was about 2 weeks ago) and it went away after a few days. But since I haven't taken a lick of medicine since being knocked up - (ahem, that is aside from the pounds of PIO/Estrace/Baby Asprin/prenatal vitamins...those little things), I'm not sure I'm ready to break the seal on the Tyle.nol. Not that I think I'll be hurting 'Sam'*, but that once I start taking medicine I may take it too often. Even in general I try hard not to take medicine unless I really, REALLY need it (but ironically, I'm fired up for an edpidural...go figure).
So that's my thigh pain. This morning it feels better, but I was an achy mess last night.

Thigh pain? Anyone else? Routine pregnancy cramping of leg?

AND tomorrow is 19 weeks! Monday is our big ultrasound. I'm super excited, but of course, the worry starts as soon as I get close to an appointment. I'm feeling a lot of action in my uterus or 'the chateau' as my husband likes to call it, but I can't quite label anything as movement. I often feel a swirly pain, but it's not like a happy butterfly, it's like a butterfly movement that is 'almost' painful. is that right?
Is the 'gas' description like 'gas bubbles'? I've got a lot of that, but I've got a lot of gas too.
Lots of action though. Things are definately going on.

I'll keep up up dated as I find out info. Hopefully we'll know if Sam is a boy or a girl on Monday!

*Sam is not the name of the baby. In the story of Hannah in the Bible she prays for her baby and when she is blessed she names him Samuel, which means, I asked God for him. So we figure while in Utero, "Sam" is a perfect gender-neutral name. Because boy, did we ever ask for him/her!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

18 Weeks

And our first baby purchase. We bought the lar.kin glider from PBK. It was a big step, but we've justified it a thousand ways, baby or not. But... we're really starting to accept that this is coming!
We are now counting down to the Ultrasound Dec. 7th. I can't tell you how relieved I'll be to see that little guy (or girl) on the big screen again. After so many pictures on the early side, It's been really hard to adjust to hearing the heart beat only twice in the last two months (and it took a long time to find at both Dr.'s appointments).
Here's to many, many things to be Thankful for.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

17 weeks

I'm all caught up on my flu shots. My OB's office finally got the H1N1 vaccine so yesterday I got the controversial shot. I think now if I can make it two more weeks without getting it then I'm good. I read somewhere that's how long the immunity takes.
I'm not usually a flu shot getter, but being a teacher I'm around so many germs...and really, I've had so many shots in my life, why not just get another one? (just kidding).
One of my friends last night was asking me if the H1N1 shot hurt. I almost laughed. And I didn't because I don't want to be the snob who thinks that because she went through IVF she can handle most anything, but I kind of am the snob who thinks I've been through IVF, what else can you throw at me?
(B.T.W., feel free to remind me I said that after I've ranted on my blog complaining about how awful labor was... I'm sure that will happen, I deserve after admitting I'm a bit of a pain snob).
So now that's all caught up.
And thanks for all the tips about spotting, my next appointment is Monday, and I think I'll ask for him to check my cervix... just for peace of mind (?). I mean, just because I don't have to show the whole world my lady business doesn't mean I'm not wiilling to get undressed yet again!

Hopefully we'll schedule the big ultra sound for the next appointment after that. I'm counting about two weeks from Monday for that. Very exciting.

Also, My DH has a stethescope and I've been so entertained listening to the gurgling of amniotic fluid. I can't hear a heart beat, but I can hardly find my own heart beat with a stethescope, so that doesn't cause alarm (finally, something in pregnancy that doesn't cause alarm!). It sounds a lot like my husband's stomach when he's digesting food. It's pretty funny. Oh, and yesterday we went to Disneyland after work and DH went to the bathroom 3 times. I also went three times, but in a 3 hour period, we decided he's having sympathy urination. Ha.

I'm going to go enjoy a nice morning fire and get ready for a great weekend after I check up on everyone's blog. I hope you all are having a good weekend as well!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Spotting

So Thursday AM I woke up and found a few pink dots on the toilet paper. At first I was in shock, it's been about 8 weeks since I last spotted. As I wiped a little more, I found a little more. I switched from a panty liner to a pad and started to think about my options. I did some quick reseach and saw that unless this was bright red blood or enough to fill a pad in an hour it was 'probably' not a cause for alarm.
Um hello, anything of color leaking out of my lady business is cause for alarm.
I did some quick thinking. Wednesday had been a day off but Tuesday night was a big party for my DH's birthday. I had been running around tremendously trying to get everything ready for that, so my activity level had certainly been a little higher than usual. On our day off we went shopping for a good chunk of the day so I had been on my feet more than usual. Also, Monday there was some Bding, and even though it was a few days earlier, I'm just wondering if that had something to do with it.

So I went to work, but had myself on the alert in case I needed to get out of there. I kept using the restroom, but as the day went on, there was less to report.
I called the Doctor at my break around 10 and then the nurse talked to the doctor and left me a message saying that if things get worse to call back or go to the ER, but if things keep getting better that I 'probably' didn't need to worry.

So things continued to get better, the color changed to brown as the day went on... BUT later that night I found a dark, gooey thing. It wasn't fiberous, but it was seriously about the size of a dime and really, really gooey.
Any ideas?
yesterday things continued to get better and so far today there's not much going on. I'm watching things carefully, and I still have my pregnancy symptoms, but geez, nothing brings back the fears of infertility like some unwanted spotting.

Just when you thought it was safe to start shopping online...

Praying to stay 'knocked up in 'o9'!

Countdown to Viability: 9 more weeks!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Things that have changed (So Far)

When I watch Bab.y Story or any show involving the birth of a baby, I cry. There's no warning for this crying. The tears just flow out.
When I hear a song that I've heard a hundred times I can cry. Example: I am already listening to Christmas music (I know, it's early, whatevs). I heard Breath of Heaven. Apparently I've never really turned into the lyrics before (or I've never been pregnant before while listening to the story of Mary, duh), but I was balwing on my way to work. Really. 7:15 AM, at the corner across from a Bob's Big Boy and a couple gas stations.
My pants officially don't button.

Life is good.

Monday, November 9, 2009

November

I hate not having blogger at work.

Tomorrow is DH's birthday. The big 34. We're having a small party at our house, nothing big. It's nice that it's the day before Vetrans' Day so we get to sleep in on Wednesday.

On the baby front, yesterday was 15 weeks. I think yesterday was also the first time I realized I am officially out of my regular pants (unless you use the b.ella band of course). I really think I'm starting to show, but unfortunately, I've already got some excess padding around my mid section, so it's been harder to tell, and easier to just think that I'm very round these days. So any sign that a baby is in there is excellent.
I keep thinking that I'll feel movement soon, but the books say it'll be another few weeks before I know what I'm feeling.

There are so many wonderful things going on with a lot of you ladies out there, so just because I'm not commenting (hence the inability to comment from google reader), but I'm thinking and praying for you guys.

When did you ladies start buying stuff for baby? I haven't bought anything yet (my mom sure has though) and I'm thinking that since January is viability month, I'm going to start then. But I'm getting antsy.
Thoughts?

Sunday, October 25, 2009

13 weeks

It seems Sunday has become my regular posting day.
This week, my baby is the size of a peach. Really? I feel like it was a grain of rice just yesterday! They really do grow so fast.
Thank you ladies for your kind words about my SIL, it is a tough situtation, but this whole journey has had a theme, that the Lord is in control and we are not. So it's hard to see that played out in someone else's life, but again these are things that are certainly out of my control.
Tomorrow I have my next appointment. I'm not anticipating and ultrasound, but at least we'll be able to hear the heart beat (right? Do theye do that at every appointment?)
I made the appointment for after work, because a month ago I was still trying to be a good employee, but now, geez, I just want a day off!
Some of you probably hate teachers because here we work 185 days a year (which when you do the math means we have 181 days off a year, I know), but the stretch from Labor day to Vetran's day is the longest we get without a holiday (CA doesn't seem to think Columbus deserves a day off. Is that whack or what?). So while it's great that I got an appointment for 3:45, it would be better to sleep in, relax for a bit in the morning and then go to the doc, instead of yell at delinquents all morning and then deal with smarty-pants in the afternoon.
If only I was in charge of the world...

My biggest symptoms of pregnancy to date have been an achy chest (it's actually changed from achy boobs to the muscles under the boobs...did that happen with you guys) and what feels like a stretching uterus. There is some general yuckiness and a huge gag reflex when I brush and floss, but overall, not too shabby. What were some of your symptoms around 13 weeks? All the baby books leave out the achiness of the uterus. Just curious.

Enjoy the rest of Sunday afternoon! Let's all be and get 'knocked up in '09'!

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Long Time

So the thing is... this is a relatively quiet time in the IF world for me personally. Not for others I know, but me. Just for where I'm at. I had a great 9 week ultrasound and now I just have to wait and pray until the next one in a week. And, at this appointment, there will likely be no ultrasound. So it's going to be practically Christmas before we get to see our little guy again.
So this leaves me with few things to say, except that I am avidly reading all of your blogs, it's just that I've taken to leaving my lap top at work these days and since blogspot is blocked at work, I have to use google reader, which means I can't leave comments.
But I'm Still Here!

Today marks week 12 and so far I'm finding that I'm just about out of my regular pants, but the be. bands from target are amazing.

Now, onto the others.
My SIL got pregnant 3 weeks after DH and I did. She found out this past Tuesday it was a blighted ovum. The baby stopped growing shortly after conception, but the placenta continued to form and put off hormones. So she felt pregnant, her hormones were right...but no baby. So she's had to have a D&C. I saw her today and she's in remarkable good spirits, but sometimes it's just hard to understand why things work out the way they do. I don't know if it's 'Survivor's Guilt', but I know this moment of pregnancy for the two of us is perhaps slightly less sweet for the whole family. It's difficult to rejoice when others are in pain. But, I do think this whole thing continues to be a testamony to God. Each one of us has our own path and even though it took us 3 years to be 12 weeks pregnant, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I hope you guys have a great week. And I also am sitting here watching my poor Dodgers get slaughtered by the Phillies. This is not looking so good for us tonight!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

He waved his paddle!

So Monday was the OB visit. Not sure I'm in love with the doc, but I don't feel like I need a doctor who is really easy to talk to, I need a doc who is good at delivering babies. So I'll stick with him for a little longer, but... I may reserve the right to change. We'll see.
Anywho,
Monday we're at his secondary office (which is right by my house, hence why i chose him to by my ob) and he starts by asking if we have questions. I mean, it's like, "hi. do you have questions"? Well yes, I have questions but give me a moment to get my head together here. Don't you have anything to say to me first? So all was well, they only did a papsmear, bp, and a physical exam. He was feeling my uterus and then said very briskly, I'm going to send you for an ultrasound to see what's going on.
Now, this instilled a lot of fear in me. Was he feeling something wrong? Was my uterus too small? So I didn't hesitate in voicing these concerns because really, I don't even care if I'm a slightly nervous patient. I know too much for my own good and I don't want to worry if there's no need to worry.
He quickly said everything looks fine, he just wants to see what's going on. So now, the really experienced patient in me (who has had about 30 appointments with the vag. cam) thinks, if you knew this then why didn't you schedule this appointment at the other office where the ultra sound machines are? Seriously! Since this is his secondary office (one afternoon a week) why didn't he schedule me at the other place first? Even I knew going in there that you get an ultrasound at your first appointment with an ob (well, my friends all did!). How did he and his nurses not know that?
Okay, so anyway, that appointment was Monday, and then Wednesday was the ultrasound appointment. DH and I both took the afternoon off work to go, and I have to say, that was the most uncomfortable vag. ultrasound ever! Not because of the vag. cam, but because the chair was a weird position. I wasn't just lying on a table with my feet in stirrups. I was in a transformer chair that made my knees like 2 feet above my ears (well, that's how I felt). Is this nromal? The converter chair? Do most ob offices have a bed with stirrups?
Okay, ranting aside - we saw our little guy! He (or she) even moved his little arm - which really looked like a paddle. We heard the heartbeat - it was 163 bpm.
The tech refused to talk about anything, she said the doc will go over everything with us at our next appointment (does she know our next appointment is 4 weeks away?). So we're going with our knowledge that everything seems to look at and feel good.
So, the jury's out on the doc, but the baby seems to be doing well. Now I just have to stop letting my blood boil everything my deliniquent students are doing to avoid stress...Yikes! I got flipped off yesterday at the end of class. Who knew that asking a senior in high school to push his chair in was such a controversial thing? I do now!
I hope you all are continueing to do well! I know there are some babies due pretty soon, Jill at the Averit Fam and Erin at hoping for our our peanut are emminent! Congrats!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Fall

Today has been a perfect souther california fall day. I'm being a little sarcastic, but I'll get to that later. Dh and I went apple picking this morning and then realized when we went to the bakery afterwards that there's no need to actually pick the apples yourself, you can buy much bigger versions of what you're buying at the store and you don't end up with prickly stickers all over your feet.
It was fun though, then we had lunch with my brother and SIL and that was cool. Have I mentioned that they have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year and a half? They did two IUI's with their obgyn and those were unsuccessful. She got some clomid from a friend of hers who got pregnant and had some left over and got pregnant on the illegal clomid. I love that she is pregnant, but I told her I hate that she got pregnant on illegal clomid. But since I'm so over joyed that she's pregnant I'm totally over it. You guys may hate me for saying that and I'll accept the abuse, but it's really how I feel. I'm such a rule follower. (I really was too scared to try drugs, the just say no program really worked... of course now I'm all hyped on progesterone and estrace, so maybe it's my own drugs talking).
Anywho, my SIL is about 3 weeks behind us and it's really fun. We're so excited because our kids will have a cousin the exact same age to play with and it should be totally fun.
Then Dh and I took a nap, and now I'm putting out the fall decorations while watching Whi.te Christmas. I suppose I'm in the holiday spirit. There aren't too many good fall movies (I watched You've got. Mail earlier) so Christmas will have to do.
The reason for my sarcasm is that it was 104 degrees today and even now at 7:51 pm it's still in the low 90s. So by 'fall' I mean it's autumn, but in no way does it feel like fall. The temps are supposed to cool down a little bit next week, but I'm not holding my breath.

Things to look forward to:
Monday is my first OB appointment. So I'm just praying that everything looks good with our little gummy bear (my experience from all of your ultrasound pix is that the 6 week one looks like a wedding ring - yolk sac included - and that the 8-9 week looks like a gummy bear). So this will be one monday I won't have a hard time waking up for. Not until the afternoon, but still, I am excited.

Happy Fall!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Fun way to tell people...

One more story,
DH and I have Disney.land passes and we go with some friends from our old school about once a month. So pretty much since the day we saw the positive we knew we would tell our two dis.ney friends this way.
So we get to the park around 5 o'clock last friday. Typically we'll just go on a ride or two, eat dinner at the mexican restaurant by big thun.der railroad and then go home around 9 or 10 (depending on how tired we are from the work week).
So this time instead of eating first, I told the our friends that I was feeling a little Indiana Jo.nes. I usually hate that ride because it's so bumpy that it actually makes my back hurt, so they were thrilled that I volunteered to go on the ride. They played right into our hands.
So all throughout the line we didn't say anything and then at the front the man asked how many in our party. I said, 'four, but only 3 are riding'. He brings us over and then asks, 'who's not riding?' Our friends looked at me all surprised and I said, 'oh yeah, I forgot!? I'm pregnant!" They hoop-ed and hollered for us (they knew we had been trying) and then they rode with DH and I very happily waited at the exit.
Fabulous. Glory to God. Good times.

8 weeks and Grateful

I'm getting more used to this pregnancy thing. I'm still worrying, but I am starting to feel like the initial fright that comes after the thrill of seeing a positive pee stick is wearing down a bit. I haven't spotted since last week about this time, and I'm enjoying that while still being super careful not to over do things. It's such a hard balance of knowing how much to be on your feet (I stand most of the day now that I'm teaching delinquent youths in the mornings!) and how much to rest.
I feel pretty yucky most of the day. Not sick, and not like I'm gonna vomit, but just yucky. And then every time I feel yucky I feel grateful. And then I feel yucky again. It's a cycle I can live with.
Yesterday I cooked a frozen weight watcher pizza for lunch and it smelled so bad I threw it out.
That's about the worst food has been. I am starting to feel more like certain foods don't sound good to eat and I can see why some women lose weight during this first trimester. Me, I'm exactly the same as I was two months ago and I'm fine with that.
I haven't written much because I haven't felt like I've had a lot to post, (and I'm not hinting that I want things to be more exciting at all! I'll take this yucky feeling and the need to rest if it means a healthy baby and safe pregnancy!) so I won't drag this out.
How did you ladies feel during your first few months?
OH, and I do have another question - when is the nausia supposed to stop? I have been told it's the end of the first trimester and then I've been told it's 16 weeks.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

7 weeks

We came out at church this week. It was one of my favorite feelings ever. I play in the band at church, and largely it's men, ranging from age 22 to 45. DH and I had decided it would be fun to tell them first because I've been playing with them for about 6 years and they know me really well (and most of them know we've been trying for a baby for 3 years).
So after the worship set at the end of church I gathered them (and it felt like a fireing squad because I just get so nervous when telling people!) and told them. The best thing was it was like a shock wave throughout the building. People that were still milling around in the congregation took one look at everyone hugging me and yelled, are you pregnant? My Dh got hugs and then the news spread into the foyer and out on the patio. People ran inside (well in my mind they ran inside, they probably just walked quickly) and gave us hugs. This is all before I had even had a chance to leave the stage. That's how quickly this news traveled.
It was amazing.
And then, that darn IF worry started. "what if I lose this pregnancy?" "Am I really pregnant? My boobs were hurting this mroning but they're not as sore right now"... you ladies know the drill.
We probably would've waited to tell people a little longer except that my Dad figured out facebook and has been telling the whole world and I'd rather get the pleasure of telling people in person than just getting congrats on face book (but don't get my wrong, I'll take any kind of congrats).

My symptoms this week include much tiredness, achy breasts (still), crampy sensations, and I have had a little more brown spotting. it's really light, so I'm not too worried, but my first OB appointment isn't for another week and a half. So what can I do but remember that I have no say over whether this pregnancy will end up with baby, and I can just take it easy. After work I've been coming straight home as much as possible to rest. It's been good, but I've got back to school night tomorrow and next Thursday (I'm teaching at two schools this year) so I hate having to go back to work in the evening.

This post is getting dangerously long, so I'll leave it here.

Praying to stay 'knocked up in '09!'

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Lub Dub

That's the most beautiful sound I didn't hear. But it's true, we have a heart beat!

Due to the rediculously long nature of the previous post I'll keep this one short. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, I graduated from the RE and have my first Obstetrical appointment ever in 3 weeks.

This whole pregnancy thing is outta this world. But I'm falling asleep as I'm writing this so......zzzzz.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

3 Posts in One

There have been about 5 potential posts I could've written since I last posted. Some happy, some not so much. Let's see if I can break down the past week.
Wednesday, go for 2nd Beta, have a confirmation appointment with regular practioner to confirm pregnancy so I can be referred to an OB-Gyn. So I had to give a urine sample to confirm that I am pregnant. It came back positive (which of course it should, but you know in your mind, any opportunity to worry is given).
Thursday, I get the results of the beta, 5100. This is a great number and shows things are going really well. I have a week until the first ultra sound (this coming Wednesday) but things look fabulous.
Friday, I teach half a day, go to the bathroom at lunch and find some spotting. Not a ton, but enough to really freak me out. BUT, being a teacher, it's really hard to leave work in the middle of the day. By the time I ran around and got lessons ready for a sub, I would've probably been on my feet more than if I just stayed for the last two hours of school (my 5th and 6th period are seniors that are fabulous and don't really have to be managed). So I freak out in my head for TWO HOURS and think of every possible scenario. Between classes I found some info online and it was either bleak or bleaker. So I freak out even more. And then I realize that my cramps feel more like regular old AF cramps than the cramps I've been having since I got pregnant. I tear up about 5 times, but I just sit in my chair at the front of the class counting the minutes.
So then, just to add to this calamity that has become my day, 15 minutes left in class, my princpal walks in for a surprise observation. Now, in spite of my crazy state, all the kids were working, so I knew I didn't need to worry about anything, but just the idea that the day could possibly get worse drove me nuts.
So he leaves, the bell rings, and I bolt. I dodge past other teachers, avoiding their cheery good bye comments, and commence crying as soon as I get in the car (I should remember that uncontrollable/unexplainable weapiness is an actual pregnancy symptom), and at this point I've worked myself into a frenzy. I get home and I had filled a whole panty liner with blood. It had gone from brown to dark red.
So I'm a wreck, my dh is coaching a football game an hour away and he took the bus with the players, so I don't call him because there is nothing he can do and it will drive him nuts. So I call the Dr.'s office and get the after hours number. The nurse calls back and calms me down and just tells me that if the blood isn't bright red that I should just be on bed rest for the weekend and then come in on Tuesday (closed for Labor Day). And If I feel like things get worse, than I should go to the ER so they can do an ultra sound.
So I talk to my mom, I lie down and the bleeding seems to diminish, but there was a small clot.
*Sigh*
So when DH get's home, he talks me down a little bit and we decide we'll just pray and take things as they come. I'm okay for now, and we'll see how I feel in the morning.
I wake up with the worst headache ever (you know, the one that comes when you cry like a little kid and don't drink enough water to make up for it? Yeah, that headache). I am still spotting brown in the morning, so we decide to go to the ER. Because at least this way we'll know and waiting until Tuesday seems like such a bad idea.
SO, my very first trip to the ER! I must say, that our hospital was just recently redone, and Ole', it's fabulous! They have gone paperless and the whole system of testing and colors is great. Once my blood tests were finished they were available at any computer station in the hospital.

Okay, so you're all waiting for what happened, I know:
Pelvic Exam showed birth canal is closed (is that the cervix?)
Beta: 9007
Ultrasound showed yolk sac at 5w4d. From my last period it was 5w6d. No fetal pole, but not necessarily should have a fetal pole yet. BUT, Dh claims that since the Ultrasound was sooo zoomed in looking for the heartbeat that he was able to see the capilaries moving around the yolk sac.

So we left thinking that we got good news, but this is a big week in fetal development. We're gonna choose to be positive. It was just blood being pushed out because things are changing.
I don't even know.
So here's to taking it easy and being a little too careful. I can't wait to meet this little guy! (oh yeah, and from the picture of the yolk sac on the screen, I totally think it's a boy!)

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Week 5

Whenever I read someone else's blog and they become pregnant, I feel like the weeks just FLY by. All of the sudden I'm reading and they go from pregnant to 8 weeks pregnant, to 12, to 20, to baby.
So why is this taking forever for me! (ha). Any how, Today is a technical 5 weeks. I have a blood draw Wednesday afternoon, and then a meeting with my general practioner to be referred to an OB-GYN.
It feels like waiting a week for a second Beta is nuts. It's fine, it's just me that's nuts. I'm getting better about realizing that their's really nothing I can do but take care of myself and if this baby is going to grow, it's going to grow. So I'm trying not to think about it.
I even bought my first pregnancy book yesterday.
It's so exciting to think about all of these things. That in 35 weeks - Lord Willing - my husband and I will have a baby in our arms. And if that's not God's plan, there's really nothing I can do to change it, so I just need to be happy for each moment I have being pregnant.

So here are some updates:
Symptoms:
Achy boobs, like really achy.
Veiny boobs. Some dark blue hues.
Still have AF type cramps, but becoming a little less frequent. Now I really only feel my uterus when I'm sitting or lying down.
Tired, but then again, it was the first week back at work with kids, so there were some competing things for my energy there.
I get pretty nautious only when I don't eat a meal (not that I skip meals, but waiting for lunch at work, or eating breakfast late)

People we've told:
My mom (who has already started buying gobs of clothes)
My small group that I've been meeting with for the past 9 YEARS! They knew we were doing IVF so I had no choice!
All the people at the doctors office that I've been scheduling appointments with.

I really am looking forward to our Ultra sound NEXT Wednesday (9th). I feel like seeing a heartbeat is just monumental. maybe I'll feel more like sharing with others after that.
Praying for a good Beta this Wednesday!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The first 3 days...

This is hard! I know how to be infertile. It's full of worry. And I'm finding the same is true of being pregnant (I can't believe I'm even writing that word down...this is unreal). I just keep worrying. Oops, I picked up something heavy, maybe I shook the baby loose. Oops, my boobs don't hurt as much as they did 5 minutes ago, maybe this is over.
I really meant what I said at the end of the last post, I'll worry later, but that little gremlin worry monster just keeps jumping back in my brain. I know that God has breathed life into this embryo and it's up to Him how long we get to keep it, but ... well... okay, there is no good excuse for worrying. It just happens.
I just keep reminding myself of all the happy stories of know of people IRL who once they see a positive pregnancy test it never crosses their mind that something could be wrong. I'm going to strive to be like that.
This is really exciting though, I've got to say. Being pregnant that is. So far, I'm a fan.

Oh, yeah, I also just got my beta results. 250.
I think that's good, the NP said they want to see anything over 100.

So woo hoo for now, I'm gonna go do some research on OBGYN's!
I hope you're all having a great week so far, and thank you for all of your kind words, this is quite a journey, isn't it?!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Short Story

So today I was thinking about testing. I was at a Hill.songs worship conference in Anaheim with friends from church all day, but I knew that today was 10dp3dt on our frozen cycle. I knew that last time with our fresh cycle I had a hard time figuring out how we wanted to find out if we were pregnant.
Should we wait for the beta?
Should we test before the beta?
Should we test after the beta blood draw but before the phone call with results?

So this month we decided to just poas early. So that was today. But all I had at home was the awful clear blue ea.sy test that says 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant'. Last time it had been so painful so I knew I needed to go to tar.get to pick up some cheap tests based on lines and having something to analyze.

But then, all day at the conference, I'm thinking, no, don't test. Yes, do test! No, don't test. I had all sorts of opportunities to observe every twinge in my uterus and every ache of my breasts while seated and I decided to test.
But I can't tell anyone there what I'm thinking about because what if it's negative and then there are more people you have to call and tell the bad news to.

So I stopped at Target on the way home, and only got pregnancy tests.
As soon as I got in the car to drive home I started crying.
Like weeping. Massive amounts of tears (I still have a headache from all the crying actually).

I prayed all the way home thinking that only God can breath life into these embryo's. That I have no control over this situation. And that I was scared. I was so scared because my hopes were high. I've never had so many symptoms. But I've never been on estrace and progresterone at the same time either, and I know there are a lot of symptoms that come with those hormones.

So I cried for about 8 minutes from target to my house.
I go inside and ask my husband what he thinks. Should we test? Should we wait?
We test.
Typically I have just tested on my own in the bathroom, but today I decided to go the cup method of catchin urine so dh actually was the one who administered the pg test. And really, I just was a wreck. Thinking things like it's been 3 years of pee sticks. I've never seen a positive. If a fresh cycle didn't work, why would a frozen work? So there were a lot of thoughts. High hopes and big fears.

We let the test sit on the counter and I just cried in his lap for the required 2 minutes.

He goes to look.

He is silent.

I can't take it anymore.

I jump up to see what he's seeing.

Turns out, he saw a positive pregnancy test.

That's right. Yours truly is knocked up.

Glory to God, Amen, Praise Jesus, Um, Heck yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll worry later. Today, I rejoice that for at least today, I'm pregnant.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Large Speculum

Hurts.

Okay so today was the transfer. Showed up at 1 and they were behind, so we didn't even get back to the room until close to two. I think this time my lady business was much more aggitated before hand because I've had a rediculous amount of suppositories going on in there for the past two weeks. Or maybe it was because he used... THE LARGE SPECULUM!
Okay, let's just talk about it. This is TMI, so read at your own risk. I was a virgin when I got married. And previous to being 27, whenever I was up for a pap smear I would remind my primary care physician of this. She would use the peeds speculum (which makes me sad that there even IS a pediatric speculum, but that's another post for another day I guess).
So then I get married and we all know how 'el amor' works. But the Large Speculum? I haven't had any children! Things aren't THAT stretched out down there. What happened to medium? (I'm tempted to make a joke about how HUGE my dh is, but again, this post is already TMI. I warned you though.)
Okay, so in case you forgot, and excuse my ramblings, but the reason for the speculum is because today was our FET! And I must say, it hurt like a mo fo. Or perhaps a more ladylike thing to say is that it hurt more than I remember from our fresh cycle a few months ago. I really think most of my pain was from that stupid speculum. Have I ranted enough about it? Good, let's get to the interesting stuff.
They defrosted 3 embryos.
Before freezing there was a 5 cell, and 2 8 cells.
After defrost they turned into a 4 cell, a 5 cell and a 7 cell. The doc said that anything that comes out with at least half of the original cells is considered viable. So we went with all 3.
I'm not even going to talk about triplets yet. I'm going to concentrate on getting knocked up in general. Let's get that going.
So besides the pain that I didn't tell the doctor about (because really, I know I'm in pain, and as I lay there on the table I kept thinking that going through labor will be a lot worse so I just got over it), he said everything looked good. I laid down for 20 minutes in the recovery room and then we walked out.
So now I'm on bedrest for 3-5 days. I'm not going to be as strict as I was last time, mostly for my own sanity, but I am taking the first couple days pretty easy. DH and I are going to a wedding on Saturday and I plan on just sitting down the whole time. It should be pretty easy I think to avoid much activity.
So we're hoping and praying over here, and looking forward to good news in two weeks.
Let's get Knocked up in '09!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Real Deal

So the issue was my estrogen level.
On monday it was 1112.
Friday it was 392.
So even though 392 is okay, it was a huge drop. I have a few speculations about why it was so low, but I had another blood draw today and was told that everything looks 'okay', so we're moving forward. She didn't leave the numbers on my voicemail, so I can't think about it too much, but the short story is, we're on.
But here's the thing, even for my fresh cycle I didn't have so much stuff going on in my lady business*. I just put five pills in there! 4 small estrace tablets and one large progesterone supplement. Crazy. Lots goin' on.
And Dh just gave me my first injection of the cycle. Back to the regement! Transfer on Wednesday!


*The term 'Lady Business' seems to have been coined by Jen at 'maybe if you just relax', but I think it's super appropriate for describing the general vaginal area, and it's pretty funny, so if you chuckle when you read it, give her the credit, not me.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Lots of Things

First, I saw Julie and Julia last night. Now, I am particularly hard to please, but I had a great time with this movie. It was opening night and the crowd was almost all women and men over 50. I saw with some friends and of course DH. Lots of big laughs (again, it could be because it was opening night, but I thought it was great!)

There was a scene though. A scene where I could've lost it. And it's a scene where even now I'm welling up just thinking about it. I loved that scene. I hated that scene. It was very short and it was a response to Julia Child's sister announcing she was pregnant. I'm curious about what you ladies think, but it was such a real, honest moment. I'm not giving anything away, but Nora Ephron (writer/director) handled it perfectly (at least that's how my DH and I usually handle such news).
I give the movie an "A". I don't rush out to see all of Meryl Streep's movies, but boy, she just was hilarious.

Second, I had another monitoring appointment yesterday. My lining is the same as Monday (8mm). Isn't that weird? It was two different ultrasound tech's, so I'm thinking maybe the Monday gal measured a bit high and that's why there's no change. I was told to expect not to come back until the transfer on Wednesday, but my call yesterday afternoon from the RE's office said that the doc would like another peek at my blood and Uterus tomorrow (Sunday). This blows for two reasons: One, is there something wrong? Two, DH and I were going to go to Catalina on Sunday and Monday, but now we can't because the appointment is right in the middle of the trip and we're going with other people so we're not able to dictate when we leave.
Yuck.

I'll try to post again after I hear about how tomorrow looks. Am I going to be ready for transfer earlier? Did they find something shady they need to look at?
Boy, give a girl and opportunity to worry and she'll take it! I'm going to just enjoy my last few days of being able to move heavy things and go on roller coasters without worrying that I just broke my embryo.
Here's to knocked up in '09! bring it!

Monday, August 3, 2009

One Appointment Down

Today was the first lining check. It wasn't bad at all, except...
We were the first ones in the office (appointment at 8, you never know how so. cal traffic will be so we were early) and I had to use the restroom. Like coffee kicked in, gotta hit it now, but uh oh, this isn't going to be pretty and there's no public restroom in this office, crap, that's what I have to do, crap, and ... yeah. So we were the first ones in the office and there's no way of hoping that people wouldn't know who made the stinky in the toilee, but before a lovely vaginal ultrasound, you really have clear everything out, right?
Things I would only blog about, not actually discuss IRL.
Am I the only one who hates anything having to do with a bowl movement before an ultrasound? I suppose this is all preparation for labor, right? And that lovely topic of pooping during labor and stuff? Hopefully someday I'll find out. =)
Okay, enough gross talk, back to the purpose, fighting to get knocked up in '09.
The Lining is already at 8mm so this means that my estimated transfer date is next wednesday, but if the lining is ready, we may go earlier. I'll get a call later today with more information.

I hope you ladies are doing well, Summer is coming to an end shortly! Let's get the party in my uterus started!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Here we go! I started Estrace on Sunday. Right now it's two in the AM and two in the PM. My boobs are more sore than normal during this part of my cycle, did anyone else feel estrace there?
I have my first Uterine check up on Monday at 8:00 AM which is great because we're going camping for a few days so this FET shouldn't affect our short vacation plans. We just got back from visiting my grandparents and while it was fun to hang out with family, it sure is tough to see the people you used to view as so strong suddenly become so helpless. Grandpa isn't doing too well, but he's been not doing well for about 7 years, so who knows, maybe he'll out live all of us.
I'm really excited for this next cycle. I just feel like it's the right thing to do. I'm hoping that our embryo's make it. I'm really thinking about how many to transfer. My doctor doesn't have hard/fast rules, but he does play things safe. I know our decision will be based on how many come out of freeze and look good, but it's a big decision that I'm playing with here. 2? 3? No more than three, but ... like I said, it just depends on how many thaw.
As of right now we're going to thaw the straw that has two embryo's, 1 7cell and 1 8 cell. The other straw has 3 embryo's - 2 7 cells and 1 5 cell. It takes about an hour to thaw, so should we need to defrost the second straw, we'll probably have some big choices.

Let's get knocked up in '09!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Birth Control Out - lots of stuff in...

So yesterday was the last day on the nu.va ring, and I'm expected to get my period around the 26th. I think it'll come sooner, but whatevs.
I found my directions for my medication and I am to take the estrage vaginally twice a day, two capsels at a time. yeah, I'm thinking no tampons for this cycle. Doesn't that sound gross? Like I said, lots of stuff will be going on in there for the next few weeks.

BUT! I'm ready. DH and I are headed to Northern California for some family vacation time. I'm ready! Lots of work stories to be told, but truthfully, unless your a teacher it's not too interesting, so I'll spare you. I have three weeks off and I intend to use them!

Take care ladies, let's all get knocked up in '09!

Friday, July 17, 2009

Protocol

For FET #1 we have a slightly different protocol and I'm curious about your experiences (this is for anyone who has used these drugs). I have PIO shots like last time in tandem with capsuls, and I believe I only use these after transfer. I have estrodol thought this time. It's new to me. Now here is a stupid question that I'll only admit to the blogosphere group - is this vaginal or oral? It's in the same little baggy as the progesterone suppositories but the label on the estrodol just says 'take as directed'. The progesterone specifically says "vag. suppositories". So, those of you who have used estrodol, um.. where do I shove it? And along with that, what is the purpose of it? Is that the one that is supposed to 'enrich my lining'?
And yes, I know my Doctor will explain it to me (well, his nurses will anyway) but I'm just wondering what to expect. I am through with BCP on Sunday! Here it comes!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Le Beatles and Le Job

So aside from my rant on the previous post, I needed to share about our short weekend trip to Las Vegas.

Um:

Amazing.

Now, I went with no idea what to expect. But this show was AMAZING! I hadn't seen a Cirque du Soleil show before of any kind, and now I think I would be disappointed with anything less.

Haven't you ever thought, I wish I could watch 4 guys in referee uniforms and fuzzy 'barbarella' ankle boots doing death defying, roller skate moves all set the Beatles song Help? Because I have, and I'll tell ya, I was not disappointed. We went to Las Vegas for a friends' birthday, and decided to do the last minute tickets thing on the strip. Yeah, even at a discount these tickets were expensive ($90 bucks a pop) but on an entertainment level, it was COMPLETELY worth it. And I must say, I'm pretty picky. While I'm easy to please, I have high expectations for shows (fomer film major here speaking...I know that gives me no street cred, but whatevs) and this was easily one of the best things. Ever. On the Face of the Planet.

So yes, I'm excited. But I know Vegas gets discussed often on these blogs as a fun destination, and I'm adding my $.02. Go See It.

Other than that, I am through with birth control on Sunday and then I am supposed to get AF by Thursday of next week to get this FET cycle moving!

AND, I almost forgot (sorry this post is getting long). I found out today that at work I will be full time next year! This is a huge blessing. I am a teacher in CA and wherever you are, just be glad you're not a teacher in Ca. right now, because apparently everyone in congress (from Schwarzenneger to all democrates to all republicans, to independent green freaks) is a knuckle-head chuckle-head and can't pull it out long enough to give us a budget. So a number of teachers have lost jobs (including a number of friends of mine). I have been teaching 8 years, but decided to switch districts last year so I lost all of my seniority. What's in my favor though is that I teach History and you have to have a specific credential to teach high school. So I was partially laid off earlier this year (instead of teaching 5 periods a day, I would only teach 3).

So today I found out that I will be full time next year, but they are splitting me between two different schools. So the details aren't great, but the cash flow will stay the same (which is perfect because of this whole FET-trying-to-get-knocked-up-in-'09-but-going-crazy-because-so-far-it-hasn't-worked-and-IF-treatments-cost-lots-o'-money!). My thought is, that this would actually be a really bad time to get pregnant (new job locations, hard to find a long term sub), so maybe it will actually happen!

Oh friends, here's to good news, Great God, good beatles, and hoping!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Because I have an opinion

Okay, I have a tough post to write, because it affects some of you out there whom I adore reading about. And this is really the heart of my problem. You're not writing.

Now, the thing is, I get it. And I'm not looking for a ton of comments about how none of this is directed at me, and how I'll feel like you guys do when I get pregnant. I probably will. But here is the problem.
A number of blogs I follow (formally and informally) have gotten pregnant in the last year. Horray! I really am super happy for each of you. And I think you guys know that while yes, there is a pang that you feel when you read a 'friend' is pregnant, ultimately there is happiness in my heart because I know that my journey won't be identical to anyone else's journey.

But why, when you get pregnant, do you take yourselves away? I'm not addressing anyone that is too busy to blog, I'm talking to those who feel this isn't the right place to blog about being pregnant.
I'm bothered because it's your blog! It's your place to tell me and cyberworld what you're going through. I read that people don't want to offend others by blogging about pregnancy symptoms? If I wasn't up for reading about it, I wouldn't.

But before you guys think I'm a major hater, let me be vulnerable.

The thing is, I feel worse each time I read one of these blogs where people are going 'private' or where they're going to take a break from blogging because they don't know where they belong, in the IF community or the knocked up community.
I feel left behind.
I feel like unintentionally people are deserting this entire knocked up/not knocked up community.
I can only imagine that being pregnant presents a world of confusion. Really and sincerely. I know I will probably feel the same way. But this is my blog, and I'm going to blog about how I feel. And if I get too busy to blog, so be it. But please, don't leave cyberworld just because you're afraid of hurting my (or people in my situations') feelings. If you're adjusting to life with a baby, or work has blocked your blogspot, that's one thing.
But I just want to shout it from my couch, it hurts worse when people leave than finding out someone is pregnant or reading about symptoms. I love symptoms! Bring on the belly stories!

Well, that was a deep post.
I'm back from Vegas (obviously) and SOOOOOO happy for new pregnancy announcements and also SOOOO ready to get this FET cycle underway! Horray! One month from tomorrow is our scheduled transfer.

Take care out there and I hope that while yes, I stirred the pot, that no one feels personally attacked. Let's just all be on babywatch! Born, Unborn, and Yet to come!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Longing

It's tough.
I'm starting to long for children.
I see them, and I'm not unhappy for those who have them, but I long for my own.

And. this birth control seems long.

This cycle already feels long.

August 12th feels like a long time away.

I'm longing to get out of this longing phase.

Las Vegas this weekend should help my longing. I suppose on a surfacy level, I'm also longing for a pool.

It's been a long day people.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

More than you really need to know

So this is about pregnancy (or lack thereof), right? Well, this is about my period.
Okay, so last month was my failed IVF. My cycle was pretty long. It took 3 days after ending the progesterone to get AF.
Then this month we took off and just had an unmedicated month and enjoyed no doctors visits.
About day 7 this month I felt like I was ovulating, but please, day 7? That's way too early. I actually thought that I must have a cyst.
I didn't use any OPKs, again, because I just wanted to make sure we weren't stressing out about BDing, largely for my marriage intimacy sake, and mental health, all good stuff, but then on CD 21, I saw a little spotting. And really, I mean a little. Very small. Where does the mind go?
That's right, you're all thinking implantation bleeding. I know you are. I did. So essentially in my mind it became, stand by to stand by.
All hopes ended though, when AF showed up on CD 23! A 23 day cycle? Did any of you guys have very short cycles after an IVF? Are there left over hormones in my body? I had a 22 day cycle once, but it's just weird. AND, it's really, really heavy. Last month was too, but, this is crazy time.
So, needless to say, it's been an emotional few days, but we're gearing up for the FET cycle now. I start BC on Sunday (going for the nuva ring... we'll see) and then on July 22nd, I'm off, and estimated transfer is Aug. 12th. So I'm excited, and ready to see what's next.
I'd really like to be knocked up in '09. Let's get this going.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Lazy, Hazy, Crazy days of Summer

Over the last week I've started like 3 different posts, but I'm realizing I just don't have much to say. It's been great going from all these rediculous Dr. appointments to none, and I do feel like I've got my life back. I know I'm gonna get busy again with our FET in August, but for now, I'm just enjoying my free time.
Summer school started this week, and so far it's been great. I'm teaching Economics, and I love it because now the kids really care as opposed to last summer when I taught it last and the economy hadn't tanked yet.
I'm still in limbo about where I'll be placed for last year. It's weird being the history teacher in the district with the lowest amount of seniority (last year was my first year in this particular district) and knowing that I'm SUPER grateful to even have a job, but that I'm subject to lots of whims and windfall's. As of now, I've been placed at the continuation school in the district, but it seems like it will be a good situation, so I'm really not too bummed. AND, I know you ladies will appriciate this:
My district has a program for teenage moms, where they drop their baby's off at a district sponsored day care and then go to classes at the continuation school. About 10 years ago the district realized they had a lot of mom's working for them and decided to open it up to employees of the district as well. So what this means is: If I really am placed at the continuation school next year, that about 20 feet from my classroom is the infant care location. Um... if I had a baby...PERFECT! I could literally visit, feed, play with my child during the school day. So it's hard not to excited about that, but like I said, things may still change and I'll be placed at a different school site, but ... it does give a girl a reason to hope.

Okay, I'm gonna go throw in some laundry. It's super nice that summer school is only 4 days a week, I feel like it's actually summer vacation (except that as a kid, I didn't have to do laundry and clean on my days off, but I suppose that should be another topic for another day).

Enjoy your weekend ladies! Oh, and I have to ask, did anyone watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey? I gotta say, I just can't stop watching. The finale was almost a litteral train wreck, and I'm just so involved. One of the ladies had had 4 miscarrages and they delt with it on the show. But that lady did end up conceiving after the show was over, it was an interesting part of a reality show. And yes, I know that the show is 'trash'... what can I say... I've got free time these days!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Dr. Update

So yesterday we met with the Dr. about our failed IVF cycle and the what comes next question. What we found was that there was a 60% chance of our IVF cycle working (and it didn't) and the FET has a 45% chance of it working. I'm glad I didn't know my odds for IVF #1 were 60% because boy, that seems high!
So the short is, there's no particular reason why it didn't work, and we're not going to do any additional testing. We're going to take this month off like we thought, and then it works great to do a FET in Early Aug. What's cool is that I go back to work the week of the 18th, and I think (Lord willing of course) we'll be able to do the transfer on the 12th of Aug. I'll have just enough time for bedrest and then back to the classroom. I think it's our best shot.
Of course there is still that hope that we'll get pregnant on our own this month. You'd think after 3 years that we would stop thinking that would happen... but ... hope keeps persisting.
It feels good to have this decision made and to be on the same page with my dear husband.
Thanks to all of you for your responses to the FET cycles. Here is what I found:
I'll be on BCPs for the month before, then I will only be on estrogen before the transfer. There are only 2 monitoring appointments (to check my lining) before the transfer, and then I believe it will be like the Fresh cycle afterwards.
So that's where I am, ready to try again, but aware that the rates are less for a frozen cycle. We have 5 embryo's frozen, but it looks like maybe 3 will be pretty strong. Once they're defrosted we'll make decisions about how many to transfer, 2 or 3 (or whatever is available!).
For those of you who did a Frozen cycle, how many embryo's did you transfer? Should it be different than a fresh cycle?
Back to hoping for getting knocked up this year!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Moving On

Today I'm heading to the RE to meet and discuss what happened (um, I don't think that takes a genious) and what to do about it.
The good news? I mean the really good news? I think DH and I have decided what to do next. It took some time to figure out whether to wait before trying IVF#2 or a FET (what he wanted) or to jump back on the bandwaggon (what I wanted to do). A lot of course depends on the timelines provided by the RE, but I think we're headed towards a FET at some point this summer. I'm optimistic and feel pretty good that this is what we should do. We've got 5 frozen embryos and they're not all great quality, so I think we'll have to see what defrosts.
So questions:
I am not finding much about FET cycles (surprisingly). For those of you who have done it, did your doc's do 'natural' cycles or controlled cycles (on birth control, etc.)? I know my doc has good numbers on FETs, but I want to have as much info as possible before going in.

So, more to come later... let's get us all knocked up in '09...!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Who's in Charge Here?

Because seriously, all I know is it's not me.

So here's where I'm at. Let's look at this from the standpoint of Status:

Marriage = wonderful
Motherhood = non existant
Job = shakey

Let's go to job. This was the last week of classes. I was informed yesterday (our last day with students) that I would be transferred to another school in the district. Why? Well, because Ca's budget is in such a hole that people like me have either lost their job or paritially lost their jobs. So I am in the partial category. So a guy with less seniority than me was let go completely and I am moving to his spot (at a continuation school by the way) and someone from the continuation school is coming to my place. Now, there are a myriad of emotions that go with this. I'm thankful to even have a job, even if it's only a 60% contract, but I'm sad to leave the place I was hired to work at where I tried very hard to start making some relationships thinking that I would be putting down roots to stay here.

Motherhood. So when I'm not thinking about my job I'm thinking about how much my uterus sucks at keeping a baby.

My boss (the one who knew about IVF) today came to talk to me about how much they're going to miss me, and he finished the conversation by saying, "yeah, but you'll have kids soon, so you'll be busy anyhow (smile, wink)". So then I *almost* choke up as I tell him that it didn't work this time.
His face drops and he says something about how I really am having to roll with the punches these days. I appriciate the props, but boy, I really think he's right. I'm just feeling the ups and downs of life right now.

Anyway, I'm off for a week before summer school starts and then back to the grind (as I pack up my classroom while I teach in order to move).

I'm feeling pretty low. I almost can't type that I want to be 'knocked up in 'o9' because I'm just not sure it will happen. It depends on what the Big Guy upstairs (you know, the one who's in charge) has to say about it I think.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Distraction

hey everyone.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'll tell you what, this is hard.
Going through a failed IVF cycle. It's really difficult. I don't think I appriciated how difficult until I went through it (of course) but I'm compiling all my thoughts and will blog about that later. For today, I was looking for something a little less mopey and found that Lisa at Preachman's Wife did this the other day and I thought it looked like fun. Here it is and there will be posts on my current emotional state later. Just know that it's constantly changing and hits me at the weirdest times. But until then...

The Rules:
1. Mention the person who tagged me.
2. Complete the list of 8’s.
3. Tag 8 bloggers & tell them I tagged them. (open for anyone who wants to join in the fun!)


8 things I am looking forward to:
1. Being a mom
2. Making my husband a dad
3. The end of the school year
4. DH getting home from class tonight
5. Swimming in the summer
6. Making dessert tonight
7. Playing in the band at church again (it's been 4 weeks!)
8. Spending time with good friends


8 things I did yesterday:
1. Went to church
2. Read the newspaper
3. Watched 'Up'
4. Cried 5 seperate times while watching 'up' and grateful that my 3D glasses hid some of it
5. Ate lunch at Costco (9.99 for 3 people!)
6. Played the Piano
7. Played the Guitar
8. Continued my re-read of 'little women'

8 things I wish I could do:
1. Understand why I'm not pregnant or a mother yet
2. Watch the first major events in the Space Race live
3. Clean up the house without thinking about it as a chore
4. Make dinner every night
5. Play the drums
6. Be a one-hit wonder
7. Have un-ending patience
8. Lose 25 pounds instantly

8 shows I watch:
1. 30 Rock
2. The Office
3. How I met your mother
4. Dancing with the Stars
5. Dodger Baseball games
6. Real Housewives of ... wherever. I'm not picky
7. Gilmore Girls Re-runs
8. West Wing Re-runs

8 favorite fruits:
1. Bananas
2. Strawberries
3. Cantelope
4. Oranges
5. Apples
6. Peaches
7. Tomatoes
8. Are Avacado's fruit? I forget. I think yes.

8 places I'd like to travel:
1. Germany
2. Prince Edward Island
3. Austrailia
4. Ohau
5. Florida
6. Denmark
7. Morocco
8. South Africa

8 places I've lived:
1. Diamond Bar, CA
2. Fullerton, CA
3. La Mirada, CA
4. Phillips Ranch, CA
... that's it. I'm going to change it to 8 places I've traveled:
1. France
2. England
3. Costa Rica
4. Kuai'i
5. Netherlands
6. Belgium
7. Spain
8. Dominican Republic

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Like the Pea Soup...


...George and Martha have Split.

And I don't mean the good kind, like lots of babies, I mean, they decided to make like a tree and leave.


Yesterday was quite a day.

Let me start with Thursday, I gave my blood, and they were supposed to call before noon. I told them to leave a message (more on that later). I woke up Friday morning about 20 times and thought no, I don't want to test yet. So I went to the bathroom around 4:00AM and did not test. I woke up with husband about 5:30 and I told him I almost tested and he was dissapointed that I hadn't. I didn't tell him I was going to, but I had to go to the bathroom again (just a little) and so I tested but then covered it up while I was in the shower. I talked myself through all the emotions and by the time I was done I thought for sure I was pregnent.
The EVIL test said: Not Pregnant.
(and what is kind of funny to me today, but what wasn't funny yesterday is that I picked up the test like it was a rat or a lizard and threw it in the trash like a hot potato while some sort of mild explative left my mouth...'What the Hell' I think it was).
So I told DH what I did and we both cried and prayed and held out for a miracle from the dr.'s office. No miracle.
But what really made me mad was that they didn't leave the results on the message. I thought I had asked them to but I guess they just thought that calling and telling me to call back was a good idea. No one wants to be in suspense! Next time (and yes, there will likely be a next time) I will be explicit in my request for the message to entail the results. Not in a mean way, I'm sure they just want the personal touch, but I don't and since I'm paying the big bucks on this one, I'm happy to put in my request.
So there you have it. I just couldn't bring myself to post yesterday. OH, but I learned something about myself. I'm going to give myself props here for a second (yeah, I'm bragging) because I went through and entire day of work without crying about it. I think I must be one of the best actors ever. No one had any clue. Maybe it was just the stress of the day and work was a relief to be distracted but I had 150 high schoolers that I didn't take my pain out on! I think I'm ready for broadway people.
Anyway, I know that I'm praying for God's will to be done, so I don't know why I get so mad when it's not exactly like my will, but geez. This is a hard lesson. There are a lot of emotions I'm sure I'll expand on later, but for right now, there's nothing I can do about it, and I'm currently in the acceptance phase. Anger and embarassement came yesterday.
Okay, this is too much of a downer for a Saturday morning and I'm too in love with my husband to start getting into the why's, I'm just looking forward to working on being knocked up this year.
Oh yeah, and I"m pretty sure white water rafting is in my future this summer now. I really like doing that and I think it'll be my consulation.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Longest 2ww on the face of the planet...

Tied Up in Knots. Or at least I'm trying not to be.

Here is what has been done. Today, 4PM, I gave my blood to the RE. The lab was already closed (I knew that when I made the appointment) so tomorrow come the results.
I have NOT POAS. At first it was hard. But you guys, it's getting easier. Here's why:

I don't want to know.

Can any of you relate? I don't want to know! This cycle went so well. We had 8 embryo's to choose from, they looked great, I had excellent bedrest (although boring), back to work, I've taken things easy and had pleanty of symptoms to read into and lack of symptoms to scrutinize.

So really, I actually think I've become comfortable in the 2ww because I'm so afraid of bad news. I actually felt really bad for the first 20 minutes after I gave blood because it's the same feeling I get when I POAS. Except instead of waiting 3 minutes I'm waiting almost 24 hours.

I think what we'll do is leave my cell phone at home and then not check the message until I get home from work. I don't want to get a message and end up finding out either way between 3rd and 4th period and then have to work with 37 seniors who are expecting a Civics lesson and end up with life lessons and tears from Mrs. M! So... that's the current plan. Oh, and the Main nurse at the office today asked me if my boobs were sore and that that is the best indicator for pregnancy as the estrogen is really what causes the soreness, not the progesterone. Mine have been sore off and on. Just another thing to tie me up in knots over in the next few hours, right?

However, even if I leave my phone at home, I was told I can call anytime after noon and they'll have my results.

So this is why I'm in knots. Husband was great and on the way home we actually had dinner and then saw G.hosts of Girlfriends past. I liked it, DH not so much. ButI'monhormonessocutmesomeslackbecauseevenMatthewMcconoheycanmakemecrywhenI'mlikethis!

So... I'll report back soon. Probably with some results for you. BTW, this is 17DPO. Um, longest wait is really no exaggeration.

Lord Willing - here's to George and/or Martha and to being 'knocked up in '09'!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Still No News

Sorry I've been MIA for a bit, I went back to work on Tuesday and then my Dear Husband booked a lovely weekend get away for us at the beach this weekend. It was wonderful, 3 days of relaxing by the pool and eating way too many calories... and non-alcoholic drinks (which by the way, I think the sugar content makes things taste way better than actual acoholic drinks - example, try a pina colada, then try a non-alcholic pina colada. See which one you like better!)

Any way, my Beta is scheduled for Thursday, but it's not until 4pm, so I won't get the results until Friday.
My question is, do I test at home then on Thursday night so I'm prepared for the phone call? Or do I suck it up and wait until Friday after work so I have all weekend to adjust to the news (in case it's bad of course)?
Along with that question is the problem of the period. Will the progesterone I'm taking keep me from having my period or will that come anyway if I'm not pregnant? Did anyone get their period BEFORE their beta results? Just curious on that. Because if I start flowin' you'd best believe I'll be 'a testin'.
So that's where I'm at. Only 4 more days until beta results, but right now it's technically 11dp3dt. I could probably start testing now, but that I won't do (again, unless AF comes)... ARG!
The other things are the symptoms! It's rediculous because I know the progesterone makes you feel pregnant, but I still can't stop myself when I feel a 'tightness' in my uterus or aching in my boobs. Oh George and Martha, stick around, would you?
Praying to be Knocked Up in '09!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

3dp3dt

That's it. It feels like 20days since transfer but nope. It's been 3.
I'm on day #4 of bedrest and I finally took a shower this morning (gross, I know. I have changed clothes and underwear though). I technically could've taken one yesterday, but since my transfer was around noon, I thought I'd wait until well past 48 hours so as to be strict about the bedrest.
Guys, this is really hard. I'm getting whiny. I'm getting bored. I'm ALMOST done with TV and movies. Here is a list of what I've seen thus far AND my ratings (because I'm bored and need something to do):


Taken - okay B-/C+

Bride Wars - eh - C/C-

48 Hours (with Nick Notle and Eddie Murphy) - Terrible! D-! I had seen this movie as a little kid (my parents didn't monitor my movie watching too closely) and I didn't really get it. Um, the racial and gender stereotypes are awful! At one point, the 'white cop' calls the 'black criminal' by the name 'watermelon!' Maybe I'm super sensitive because I'm a teacher, but HOLY COW! Oh, and the women were either prostitues or really stupid and were easily persuaded by the men. ALSO, Nick Nolte is a mess. I thought he'd hit bottom when he acosted Jennifer Ga.rner on the red carpet a few years ago. Turns out he never really had that far down to go!

30 Rock Seasons 1 and 2 - A+. I am a huge Tina Fey fan, but I finally shut the DVD off when I found myself having a dream that she hated me. A little too much.

Spies Like Us - A-. Classic and just as good as I remembered

Caddyshack - B+ - if I was a guy I'd probably have liked it more, but it was pretty funny.

Reading: The Shack - about halfway through, very good so far.

I'm hoping that George and Martha are sticking around, but yesterday, my mom wanted to take my picture to document the bedrest, and I stopped her. I think I hurt her feelings, but I have to remind her that I'm not pregnant and it's going to be hard enough for DH and I if this doesn't work, but I think I may have to peel her off the roof! I'll talk to her more about that tomorrow when she comes to me-sit, but that's the only real baby drama so far.

I'm sorry this is such a blah update, but I'll give more when I know more. Today I thought I felt sick after breakfast, but I believe the progesterone does that to you also.

Yikes! Only 10 more days to go until Beta. Um, not excited about that.
BUT,
Praying to be Knocked up in '09!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I Should'a had a V8

Okay, you guys THANK YOU! I iced my hip before hand yesterday...GENIOUS! I don't know why I didn't remember that from reading all of your wonderful blogs, but I felt like a moron when I took the shot last night after some pre-icing and it barely hurt! I did tell the nurses today that ice helps and they all looked at me like, 'duh! didn't we tell you that?' and my husband I were like...um. no.
So, all things equal, I'm more okay with the shots. Oh, and I'm doing those in conjunction with two suppositories per day. Yikes!

So, are you wondering about today's transfer? Here's how it went...
I woke up feeling like I wanted to move around a bit. We didn't have to be at the dr's until 10:30, (but with traffic it could take up to an hour), but I suggested a morning walk to DH and he was all for it. Now the funny thing is that we live in the same area where we work, so we literally hid from our neighbor who is also a teacher with us because we didn't want to have to answer why we weren't at work.
We ran into 3 different people we knew at the park, but oh well, we just told them we had a Drs. appointment. That's enough to keep most people quiet.
So we had a quick breakfast at corner bakery and headed to the office. We met with the IVF coordinator who needed a decision about the number of eggs to transfer. We had... drumroll... All seven still dividing! Something like:
3-8 cell
1-7 cell
2-6 cell
1-5 cell
I don't remember what grades they all were, but they all looked pretty good, some just faster than others. SO, we transfered two (George and Martha is how I'm thinking of them... remember the hippo's that ate split pee soup? Were they hippos?) and froze 5.
Yippee! We had 5 to freeze! It makes it feel maybe a little less painful if we don't get knocked up on this first cycle because we have in the freezer. I don't know if they're all strong enough to survive the thaw, but still, we were pleased.

So now, here I lie, in the bedroom for today. My mother is so excited for us. The woman is coming over tomorrow and monday while DH goes back to work and she's already thinking of what to bring, what cravings I might have... I had to remind her we're not 'actually' pregnant. Although, I feel that I'm as pregnant as I've ever been. I'm blessed to have a gracious husband who will help me (he made me a turkey burger for lunch and I'm trying to flirt my way to him making some cookies for later) and a supportive mother.

I think I'll be checking in often, because it's only been 4 hours at home and I'm itching to get up. I will prevail...!

Praying for "knocked up in '09!'"

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I think Anesthesia is Fabulous

I believe those were my first words when waking up from the retreaval. Apparently I was in love with everyone from the Anesthesiologist to the Doctor, to the nurses, etc. I remember what I said, but I just remember being so happy that it was over and I didn't wake up in the middle of it!
So the doctor came to tell me that they got 10 oocytes! They got t0 eggs! During prep he said they were going to look for about 9 based on my last ultrasound, so yeah for 10!
Today I waited on end to get the phone call. I stayed on the couch most of yesterday afternoon, but I went back to work today (a girl only has so many sick days, I've got to spend them wisely!) and I kept checking my cell phone between classes to get my message. I finally got a call around 10, but the IVF coordinator just told me to call her back, so I'm thinking that can't be good news.
I left a message for her, and I finally got her call around 1:30 PM (during my prep period, so I was able to talk). Of our ten eggs, 8 were mature, and 7 fertilized! So tomorrow I'll get a call to see how many of the 7 are dividing. I'm very pleased. I think my RE goes so far to make sure that we don't over stimulate, I kind of worried about understimulation. But so far, so good. And today I took it fairly easy, but my stomach and 'lady region' feels mighty tight. It's okay when I sit or stand, but changing positions reminds me that my stomach is sore.

OH! And ladies, we need to talk! These PIO shots? Ouch! I mean really! What gauge needles do you guys use? The nurse drew circles on my hips so I know my husband is hitting the right spots, but OUCH! I actually cursed tonight (picture Ralphie from A Christmas Story and him saying "son of a b.itch"). I'll try to be more demure tomorrow, but geez, give me gonal F any day of the week.

So, I'm happy and I know that worrying won't make my little fertilized embryo's grow any more or less, so I'm going to be happy and leave this up to God.

Still hoping for "knocked up in '09!"

Sunday, May 10, 2009

14 Hours Until Retreaval

I had more bloodwork this morning at 7, and all looks well, so we're on for 9:15 tomorrow morning for retreaval (welll, that's whe I arrive. Probably closer to 10 I imagine).
I asked the nurses, tomorrow there are 5 hysteroscopys and 5 retreavals. They are going to be busy, busy, busy.
This morning worked out perfect to be at the clinic at 7 and then I made it to band rehearsal before first service by 8:15. I ended up telling our worship leader we were doing IVF, and his reaction surprised me in a good way. He and his wife are also in our Bible Study small group and they know we've been trying for 3 years. He got a big smile on his face and hugged me and said that he is thrilled that we're getting to try this and he really hopes it works. It was just nice to have someone be so supportive without having to explain much. I think that's a good sign. It was also an awesome day of worship, and since it will be a few weeks until I play again that was a great way to go out on.

I'll post more when I know more. I hope you all made it through today as unscathed as possible, only 364 more days until the next Mothers Day!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Coming Soon, to the Ovaries Near You!

Ultrasound Update:
Saturday AM - still have about 12 follies growing, between 11 and 20 mm now, so we're on for retreaval on MONDAY!
I must say, I'm more nervous about retreaval than I am for the transfer. I don't know if I'm afraid it will hurt, or afraid something will go wrong... I'm not majorly worried, I guess I'm just thinking that it's finally here! In a week or so I'll be as preganat as I've ever been. There's a lot of emotion there.

Tomorrow I go back for another ultrasound and more bloodwork. But check this out. It's Sunday. I play in the band at church on Sunday's. I requested the following two Sunday's off because of IVF, but the estimates were that retreaval would be this coming Friday, so now way did I think that tomorrow (mother's day of course) would be invovled. Here's the big issue, is that I'm usually at church at 7. The Dr.s office generously is letting me come in at 7 to do the ultrasound (amazing!) but the office is about 30 minutes away from our church. So this just means i'll be at church by 8, barring no hiccups. This is fine, and that way I don't have to come up with an excuse to tell the all-male band I'm in why I was late or wouldn't be there at all. So I'm excited, but nervous.
This whole process is yet again teaching me, God is in control. There is no way I could be doing this without Him.

I'm looking forward to Monday, and I'll keep you all posted when I hear more!

'knocked up in '09', here I come!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

And Back Again...

Today's count from the RE:
Still about 12 measurable follies all between 8-16. I haven't gotten the call yet from the Doc but she thinks they'll add cit.rotide to the mix so as to prevent premature ovulation.
I go in again for monitoring on Saturday and then the ultrasound tech is estimating Monday or Tuesday for the retreival. crazy! I cannot believe how quickly this is coming. It feels like once the shots start, this process gets moving! The birthcontrol so far has been the hardest/longest part.
I'm currently feeling like my pants are a little snug (perhaps a little bloat from the ovaries), but other than that, things are moving well. I'm excited to have a whole day at work tomorrow, and if it's true that retreval is sometime monday or tuesday, that will be great because I won't have to miss a ton of work for the 5 crazy days of bedrest coming my way.
Have I mentioned that? 5 days? The first two days after transfer are complete bedrest, the last 3 are modified bedrest but definately no working or doing much of anything. That seems like excessive bedrest, but my clinic has some good looking pregnancy rates, so I'll take their advice.

currently Praying for: Being 'knocked up in '09!'

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Back to Back

Yesterday I went back to the RE's office. The ultrasound showed about 10-12 growing follicles between 8 - 12 mm. This is good, right? The ultrasound tech said she liked it. They took some blood and then called me in the afternoon to say that I should increase my Gonal F from 150 to 225 and keep the Menopur the same. So I'm happy to do this, and then tomorrow (hence the ... to back) I'm in the office again for another ultra sound/bloodwork.
Now girls, here is what I'm thinking about these days.
Schedule!
This is the first time, ... I want to say in my life, but it's the first time that something has taken priority of my schedule. Here is what priority means: It trumps work! It's too weird that even work isn't in charge. I'm a teacher. Teachers have super set hours. They don't change! 7:15 until 2:45 is the contract, but of course usually I'm there for another hour or so after classes finish. But really, this is it!
It's so weird that the latests appointment I can get for bloodwork from the RE is at 1:00Pm. This means that for the next week (or until we're ready for retreaval!) work no longer wins! Now my boss is okay with this, but I still have to get coverage for my 6th period and stuff like that. And I must say, I'm a little weirded out that I don't know exactly what days I'll be out for bedrest. I can't call for a sub until I know when retreaval is. Next week? Wednesday? Friday? So many things to consider.

But I must say, I laugh even as I write this. Am I really trying to control anything in my life? Hasn't God used IVF and other things to prove to me that I really have NO control?
Human nature. it'll get 'cha every time.

I'll report again after tomorrow's appointment.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Giving Shots is Hard to Do

This was a great weekend for my husband and I.
We had lots to do and just got along great. Not that we normally fight, but you guys are all married, you know how it can be sometimes.
Well then, enter laundry.
It started innocently enough. I was in our bedroom sorting clothes. My husband came in and started 'helping'. What helping meant was that he was concerned with me putting slightly white clothes in with the colors because that would make the whites 'dingy'. That's where it started. I got touchy (if he wants it done that way, he can just do it! *snif* I'm not a good wife...all inner dialogue by the way, he's incredibly kind), he got frustrated that I was touchy (why doesn't she realize that I'm just helping? I thought wives liked it when husbands helped? Scratch head.). This usually happens once a month, around major hormone time.
So then, imagine our feelings when he has to give me two shots right after that. We both ended up crying and apologizing and hugging. This process certainly does NOT allow for lack of communicaiton in a marriage. (by the way, the crying for him started when I made a joke about what this process would be like if he was mad at me when he was giving me the shots - that was the wrong thing to say, he's scared to death of hurting me as it is).
It's a good lesson, and... he ended up finishing the laundry, so that worked out super well for me.

Next Appointment on Tuesday, ultrasound and bloodwork. I can feel the drugs working today (just a little feeling in my ovaries). Hopefully Tuesday will bring lots of follicals!

Hoping for: "knocked up in '09!"

Friday, May 1, 2009

2 Down...

Hopefully a lot more to go!

Tonight DH did the first two shots. My current regiment is 75 units of Menopur and 150 Gonal F. Things went well and now we're on our way to Disneyland. I figure tonight will be my last night on any sort of coasters for a while (hopefully a LONG while!) so I'm on my way.

I had another appointment yesterday where they had a hard time finding my veins, but other than that, all is well. I didn't ask for my levels on the phone, maybe next time I'm in the office I'll ask. I do still have a 10mm cyst going on, but to quote the El Doctor (he's Hispanic as is my husband), it's nothing that won't stop us from moving forward. I'm just hoping that it won't grow and stop anything.

Tuesday is my next ultrasound. At yesterday's baseline there were about 15-20 antral follies, so we're looking good!
Oh, and also, at yesterday's appointment there was a Baby in the RE's office. What I thought was funny is that El Doctor actually apologized for it. He said this couple just HAD to bring in their baby to show him off, and I could tell El Doctor generally felt uncomfortable. It's nice to know he's sensitive to that.
But Irony's of all Irony's, the main nurse at the RE's office is 7 months pregnant. Good for her, but boy, It's so weird to know that I've been seening the specialist much longer than she's even been pregnant. Good for her.

Enjoy the weekend. Tomorrow I'm doing a 10k walk for Cysti.c Fibrosis, so that should be a good way to get some fresh air!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Updates

So I had another appointment Thursday. The teaching and an ultrasound. The DOC actually did the ultrasound which threw me for a loop. I don't know why, he's the pro, but the ultrasound tech (Joan) is so great I guess I just kind of missed her.
All looks good.
BUT...!
I have a question:
I have been spotting like mad since Friday. It's not full-fledged AF, but it's no shrinking violet (whatever that means in my analogy), but when I called the office today, they said it's no big deal. I'm still on the nuva ri.ng so my period shouldn't start, but today would've been CD 28 of a regular cycle for me.
This Thursday Is my next ultrasound and I'm due to take out the Nuva Ring, so maybe that's why the office isn't worried, but if I'm supposed to start meds on CD1, then shouldn't they want to know when that is and what's going on?
I suppose I'll call back, but has AF arrived early for any of you ladies? Where you started while on BCP?
I'll take advice!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Meds and Moms



Here it is. I got the IVF meds on Saturday AM. It's amazing what 3000 dollars can look like. In our case, here it is, all in the box. All I can say is:


"that's a freakin' lot of needles!" Shown below are the refridgerated ones next to the milk. Awesome.




But I'll wait until after my teaching appointment on Thursday to get too worried about that. I'm not scared of needles as much as I'm scared of screwing up the shots.


But then, check this out. Today after church my husband and mom and I went out to Is.lands restaurant. We had previously told her we were going to do IVF and I must say that she is overjoyed. Not in a selfish way, but because she knows that this is what we've been trying to do for 3 years. So today she asked some more questions and we talked about the actual process with her a bit.
As we were saying goodbye in the parking lot, my mom says, "I'm going to give you guys 3,000 Dollars towards IVF". My husband and I stared at her and said that we wouldn't expect such a gift and that she doesn't have to do that at all. Then she said she's been thinking about this for a while, and really feels that if she has the money now and we need it that she wants to help. But you guys, check this out, that's the exact amount that we were going to have to pull out of our summer savings (since we're teachers) and hope that we were able to replace when the time comes. Our total is 11,000 and last year we started a 'baby fund' of course hoping that would be for baby furniture, but thinking it could possibly be for this. That has about 3,000 in it. Then this year our tax return was around 5,000 (so far we're at 8,000) and with my mom's 3,000 this isn't nearly as much of a burden to our finances as we thought it would be. Again, when I told her this in the parking lot this afternoon we all almost started crying.
I feel good about this decision. Today was major confirmation that this is what we're supposed to be doing (and I'm hoping it's for a baby at the end of it, not for the journey involved, but I'll take whatever God wants to give me).
Moving forward! "knocked up in '09!"
Next appointment this Thursday for ultrasound to see if cyst is gone and teaching class for injections. Crazy!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A Hysterocsopy Story

This morning as I was getting ready to go the RE, I watched a bit of A Baby Story on TLC. I've skipped those for the past few years, but I thought some positive thinking and viewing might help.
So my DH and I went to the office and first they did my vital signs and took some blood. Then, I got naked from the waste down, but what I thought was thoughtful, is that they gave me an extra blanket to wrap around myself like a saraong so my bootie doesn't hang out as I walk around the office (the front rooms are far from the 'surgery' rooms).
First, can I just say: Wow, that room in the back is crazy. There were padded leg rests, none of that cheap stirrup business for surgery! I had a special screen above my head so I could see everything the Doctor was doing.
We started with a regular ultrasound (I'm on the second full week of birthcontrol pills) and pretty quickly the Doc found my egg reserves and said they look great, he saw 12-15 on each side (me, I just saw a slightly more blurry area on the screen than the other blury areas), but then on my left ovary he found a Cyst. Boo for finding a cyst. But I had mentioned to him earlier that this morning I saw I had been spotting a little bit, and once he saw the cyst he said that the spotting makes perfect sense and that they should check my E2 levels. He didn't seem too concerned, but I know cysts can cancel cycles, right?
Anywho, that was followed by the mock transfer for the uterus, and that was slightly more intense, It felt like a really long IUI.
Then came the hysteroscopy. It was weird! They used a fiberoptic camera to look at everything in side, to be sure there wer no polyups or fibroids. I saw everything! I now know exactly what my uterus looks like. I told the Doc that I felt like I was watching National Geogra.phic. That one got a laugh out of him.
The hysteroscopy looked good and if it weren't for that cyst everything would be perfect.
They did give me a xa.nex before the procedure, and I didn't really feel it until we were about halfway through the whole thing and then I felt just fine. I totally get why people are addicted that stuff. Right on.
So now, next week is my teaching class, and they'll do an ultrasound again to be sure that the cyst has gone away. They changed my birth control and now I'm using the Nuva Ring (the one that stays in your Va.gina) as well as the pills for a few days and then I'll be finished with the pills early and the nuva ring will take care of things. I'm not sure how I feel about the ring, but hey, it's not the weirdest thing that was in my va.gina today, right?
On to the next,
Still hoping for 'knocked up in '09'!