Friday, June 5, 2009

Who's in Charge Here?

Because seriously, all I know is it's not me.

So here's where I'm at. Let's look at this from the standpoint of Status:

Marriage = wonderful
Motherhood = non existant
Job = shakey

Let's go to job. This was the last week of classes. I was informed yesterday (our last day with students) that I would be transferred to another school in the district. Why? Well, because Ca's budget is in such a hole that people like me have either lost their job or paritially lost their jobs. So I am in the partial category. So a guy with less seniority than me was let go completely and I am moving to his spot (at a continuation school by the way) and someone from the continuation school is coming to my place. Now, there are a myriad of emotions that go with this. I'm thankful to even have a job, even if it's only a 60% contract, but I'm sad to leave the place I was hired to work at where I tried very hard to start making some relationships thinking that I would be putting down roots to stay here.

Motherhood. So when I'm not thinking about my job I'm thinking about how much my uterus sucks at keeping a baby.

My boss (the one who knew about IVF) today came to talk to me about how much they're going to miss me, and he finished the conversation by saying, "yeah, but you'll have kids soon, so you'll be busy anyhow (smile, wink)". So then I *almost* choke up as I tell him that it didn't work this time.
His face drops and he says something about how I really am having to roll with the punches these days. I appriciate the props, but boy, I really think he's right. I'm just feeling the ups and downs of life right now.

Anyway, I'm off for a week before summer school starts and then back to the grind (as I pack up my classroom while I teach in order to move).

I'm feeling pretty low. I almost can't type that I want to be 'knocked up in 'o9' because I'm just not sure it will happen. It depends on what the Big Guy upstairs (you know, the one who's in charge) has to say about it I think.

3 comments:

Ashley said...

I'm soo sorry that you are having to go through all this!! Sending good thoughts and prayers your way! (HUGS))

Gabby said...

i am really sorry - i am having a dawn day too. I really hope we both get knocked up in 09

Alex and Jill said...

I'm so sorry...this a lot to take at once, bless your heart. Know that I'm still praying for you to get knocked up in '09!! And though things are hard right now, there are no better hands to be in than those of the "Guy Upstairs"

((hugs)) to you, friend.