Saturday, June 27, 2009

More than you really need to know

So this is about pregnancy (or lack thereof), right? Well, this is about my period.
Okay, so last month was my failed IVF. My cycle was pretty long. It took 3 days after ending the progesterone to get AF.
Then this month we took off and just had an unmedicated month and enjoyed no doctors visits.
About day 7 this month I felt like I was ovulating, but please, day 7? That's way too early. I actually thought that I must have a cyst.
I didn't use any OPKs, again, because I just wanted to make sure we weren't stressing out about BDing, largely for my marriage intimacy sake, and mental health, all good stuff, but then on CD 21, I saw a little spotting. And really, I mean a little. Very small. Where does the mind go?
That's right, you're all thinking implantation bleeding. I know you are. I did. So essentially in my mind it became, stand by to stand by.
All hopes ended though, when AF showed up on CD 23! A 23 day cycle? Did any of you guys have very short cycles after an IVF? Are there left over hormones in my body? I had a 22 day cycle once, but it's just weird. AND, it's really, really heavy. Last month was too, but, this is crazy time.
So, needless to say, it's been an emotional few days, but we're gearing up for the FET cycle now. I start BC on Sunday (going for the nuva ring... we'll see) and then on July 22nd, I'm off, and estimated transfer is Aug. 12th. So I'm excited, and ready to see what's next.
I'd really like to be knocked up in '09. Let's get this going.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Lazy, Hazy, Crazy days of Summer

Over the last week I've started like 3 different posts, but I'm realizing I just don't have much to say. It's been great going from all these rediculous Dr. appointments to none, and I do feel like I've got my life back. I know I'm gonna get busy again with our FET in August, but for now, I'm just enjoying my free time.
Summer school started this week, and so far it's been great. I'm teaching Economics, and I love it because now the kids really care as opposed to last summer when I taught it last and the economy hadn't tanked yet.
I'm still in limbo about where I'll be placed for last year. It's weird being the history teacher in the district with the lowest amount of seniority (last year was my first year in this particular district) and knowing that I'm SUPER grateful to even have a job, but that I'm subject to lots of whims and windfall's. As of now, I've been placed at the continuation school in the district, but it seems like it will be a good situation, so I'm really not too bummed. AND, I know you ladies will appriciate this:
My district has a program for teenage moms, where they drop their baby's off at a district sponsored day care and then go to classes at the continuation school. About 10 years ago the district realized they had a lot of mom's working for them and decided to open it up to employees of the district as well. So what this means is: If I really am placed at the continuation school next year, that about 20 feet from my classroom is the infant care location. Um... if I had a baby...PERFECT! I could literally visit, feed, play with my child during the school day. So it's hard not to excited about that, but like I said, things may still change and I'll be placed at a different school site, but ... it does give a girl a reason to hope.

Okay, I'm gonna go throw in some laundry. It's super nice that summer school is only 4 days a week, I feel like it's actually summer vacation (except that as a kid, I didn't have to do laundry and clean on my days off, but I suppose that should be another topic for another day).

Enjoy your weekend ladies! Oh, and I have to ask, did anyone watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey? I gotta say, I just can't stop watching. The finale was almost a litteral train wreck, and I'm just so involved. One of the ladies had had 4 miscarrages and they delt with it on the show. But that lady did end up conceiving after the show was over, it was an interesting part of a reality show. And yes, I know that the show is 'trash'... what can I say... I've got free time these days!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Dr. Update

So yesterday we met with the Dr. about our failed IVF cycle and the what comes next question. What we found was that there was a 60% chance of our IVF cycle working (and it didn't) and the FET has a 45% chance of it working. I'm glad I didn't know my odds for IVF #1 were 60% because boy, that seems high!
So the short is, there's no particular reason why it didn't work, and we're not going to do any additional testing. We're going to take this month off like we thought, and then it works great to do a FET in Early Aug. What's cool is that I go back to work the week of the 18th, and I think (Lord willing of course) we'll be able to do the transfer on the 12th of Aug. I'll have just enough time for bedrest and then back to the classroom. I think it's our best shot.
Of course there is still that hope that we'll get pregnant on our own this month. You'd think after 3 years that we would stop thinking that would happen... but ... hope keeps persisting.
It feels good to have this decision made and to be on the same page with my dear husband.
Thanks to all of you for your responses to the FET cycles. Here is what I found:
I'll be on BCPs for the month before, then I will only be on estrogen before the transfer. There are only 2 monitoring appointments (to check my lining) before the transfer, and then I believe it will be like the Fresh cycle afterwards.
So that's where I am, ready to try again, but aware that the rates are less for a frozen cycle. We have 5 embryo's frozen, but it looks like maybe 3 will be pretty strong. Once they're defrosted we'll make decisions about how many to transfer, 2 or 3 (or whatever is available!).
For those of you who did a Frozen cycle, how many embryo's did you transfer? Should it be different than a fresh cycle?
Back to hoping for getting knocked up this year!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Moving On

Today I'm heading to the RE to meet and discuss what happened (um, I don't think that takes a genious) and what to do about it.
The good news? I mean the really good news? I think DH and I have decided what to do next. It took some time to figure out whether to wait before trying IVF#2 or a FET (what he wanted) or to jump back on the bandwaggon (what I wanted to do). A lot of course depends on the timelines provided by the RE, but I think we're headed towards a FET at some point this summer. I'm optimistic and feel pretty good that this is what we should do. We've got 5 frozen embryos and they're not all great quality, so I think we'll have to see what defrosts.
So questions:
I am not finding much about FET cycles (surprisingly). For those of you who have done it, did your doc's do 'natural' cycles or controlled cycles (on birth control, etc.)? I know my doc has good numbers on FETs, but I want to have as much info as possible before going in.

So, more to come later... let's get us all knocked up in '09...!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Who's in Charge Here?

Because seriously, all I know is it's not me.

So here's where I'm at. Let's look at this from the standpoint of Status:

Marriage = wonderful
Motherhood = non existant
Job = shakey

Let's go to job. This was the last week of classes. I was informed yesterday (our last day with students) that I would be transferred to another school in the district. Why? Well, because Ca's budget is in such a hole that people like me have either lost their job or paritially lost their jobs. So I am in the partial category. So a guy with less seniority than me was let go completely and I am moving to his spot (at a continuation school by the way) and someone from the continuation school is coming to my place. Now, there are a myriad of emotions that go with this. I'm thankful to even have a job, even if it's only a 60% contract, but I'm sad to leave the place I was hired to work at where I tried very hard to start making some relationships thinking that I would be putting down roots to stay here.

Motherhood. So when I'm not thinking about my job I'm thinking about how much my uterus sucks at keeping a baby.

My boss (the one who knew about IVF) today came to talk to me about how much they're going to miss me, and he finished the conversation by saying, "yeah, but you'll have kids soon, so you'll be busy anyhow (smile, wink)". So then I *almost* choke up as I tell him that it didn't work this time.
His face drops and he says something about how I really am having to roll with the punches these days. I appriciate the props, but boy, I really think he's right. I'm just feeling the ups and downs of life right now.

Anyway, I'm off for a week before summer school starts and then back to the grind (as I pack up my classroom while I teach in order to move).

I'm feeling pretty low. I almost can't type that I want to be 'knocked up in 'o9' because I'm just not sure it will happen. It depends on what the Big Guy upstairs (you know, the one who's in charge) has to say about it I think.

Monday, June 1, 2009


hey everyone.
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'll tell you what, this is hard.
Going through a failed IVF cycle. It's really difficult. I don't think I appriciated how difficult until I went through it (of course) but I'm compiling all my thoughts and will blog about that later. For today, I was looking for something a little less mopey and found that Lisa at Preachman's Wife did this the other day and I thought it looked like fun. Here it is and there will be posts on my current emotional state later. Just know that it's constantly changing and hits me at the weirdest times. But until then...

The Rules:
1. Mention the person who tagged me.
2. Complete the list of 8’s.
3. Tag 8 bloggers & tell them I tagged them. (open for anyone who wants to join in the fun!)

8 things I am looking forward to:
1. Being a mom
2. Making my husband a dad
3. The end of the school year
4. DH getting home from class tonight
5. Swimming in the summer
6. Making dessert tonight
7. Playing in the band at church again (it's been 4 weeks!)
8. Spending time with good friends

8 things I did yesterday:
1. Went to church
2. Read the newspaper
3. Watched 'Up'
4. Cried 5 seperate times while watching 'up' and grateful that my 3D glasses hid some of it
5. Ate lunch at Costco (9.99 for 3 people!)
6. Played the Piano
7. Played the Guitar
8. Continued my re-read of 'little women'

8 things I wish I could do:
1. Understand why I'm not pregnant or a mother yet
2. Watch the first major events in the Space Race live
3. Clean up the house without thinking about it as a chore
4. Make dinner every night
5. Play the drums
6. Be a one-hit wonder
7. Have un-ending patience
8. Lose 25 pounds instantly

8 shows I watch:
1. 30 Rock
2. The Office
3. How I met your mother
4. Dancing with the Stars
5. Dodger Baseball games
6. Real Housewives of ... wherever. I'm not picky
7. Gilmore Girls Re-runs
8. West Wing Re-runs

8 favorite fruits:
1. Bananas
2. Strawberries
3. Cantelope
4. Oranges
5. Apples
6. Peaches
7. Tomatoes
8. Are Avacado's fruit? I forget. I think yes.

8 places I'd like to travel:
1. Germany
2. Prince Edward Island
3. Austrailia
4. Ohau
5. Florida
6. Denmark
7. Morocco
8. South Africa

8 places I've lived:
1. Diamond Bar, CA
2. Fullerton, CA
3. La Mirada, CA
4. Phillips Ranch, CA
... that's it. I'm going to change it to 8 places I've traveled:
1. France
2. England
3. Costa Rica
4. Kuai'i
5. Netherlands
6. Belgium
7. Spain
8. Dominican Republic