Tuesday, July 14, 2015

The last days I'll ever be pregnant...

So it's been a lengthy blog break, but just because like so many of you, life is full.  Having a 3 and 5 year old keeps me super busy, and it's really only because it's a summer morning where there are no swim lessons and beds are made so 'kids TV' is being allowed for just a few minutes (22 to be exact, thank you Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!).  I've been feeling like I want to check in here, if even to just document my feelings.
Like so many of you, we started this journey not knowing it would be difficult to have kids.  Then it was.  Then it was 4 years of TTC, IUI, IVF, Frozen cycle and we finally had our first miracle, Macie.  Then we started the process of using our last two embryos and lo and behold got pregnant on our own the month before the transfer and we had Penny.
So we waited 2 years and intentionally didn't try on our own to get pregnant because we wanted to give those last two embryos a chance, so last summer (2014) we gave them a chance to my shock, we didn't get pregnant.  I suppose I was feeling smug, like, now that I've had two kids, surely both of these embryos will take and we'll have twins!  So a BFN was a bit of a surprise.  But we still didn't know.  Would we get pregnant on our own again?   How long would we try on our own?  Would I be 45 and 'accidentally' get pregnant?  Would that be what I wanted?  Lots of questions.  We figured for a start that we would try for at least a year and re-evaluate.
A mere 4 months later I got pregnant.
And now I sit here, 37 weeks along, with the knowledge that as far as I'm concerned, these are my last days of being pregnant.  I'm trying to enjoy the movements of a baby inside me, because I know I won't be able to believe I've had 3 babies inside me.  I know I'll forget what it feels like to have a moving human kick me, save for the occasional gas.  :)  After this journey it's such a different place to sit.  Those of you who have had a hysterectomy or made the decision to be done may understand what I'm feeling.  But for so many of us, we just spend a lot of time wondering, will I only have one?  Should I try for two?  But the fact that I have any say over being done having kids is SO WEIRD!  I mean, since when has reproduction been in my own hands?
So if anyone has advice to enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I'm open.  I'm feeling huge and my skin is discolored on my face, but I'm thrilled to hold this new baby girl and teach her how awesome God is and her sisters and daddy.
We let our Disney passes expire, but I think when Penny hits the 40 inch mark we'll renew them.  Until then, here is us and the big guy saying hi.