Tuesday, July 14, 2015

The last days I'll ever be pregnant...

So it's been a lengthy blog break, but just because like so many of you, life is full.  Having a 3 and 5 year old keeps me super busy, and it's really only because it's a summer morning where there are no swim lessons and beds are made so 'kids TV' is being allowed for just a few minutes (22 to be exact, thank you Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!).  I've been feeling like I want to check in here, if even to just document my feelings.
Like so many of you, we started this journey not knowing it would be difficult to have kids.  Then it was.  Then it was 4 years of TTC, IUI, IVF, Frozen cycle and we finally had our first miracle, Macie.  Then we started the process of using our last two embryos and lo and behold got pregnant on our own the month before the transfer and we had Penny.
So we waited 2 years and intentionally didn't try on our own to get pregnant because we wanted to give those last two embryos a chance, so last summer (2014) we gave them a chance to my shock, we didn't get pregnant.  I suppose I was feeling smug, like, now that I've had two kids, surely both of these embryos will take and we'll have twins!  So a BFN was a bit of a surprise.  But we still didn't know.  Would we get pregnant on our own again?   How long would we try on our own?  Would I be 45 and 'accidentally' get pregnant?  Would that be what I wanted?  Lots of questions.  We figured for a start that we would try for at least a year and re-evaluate.
A mere 4 months later I got pregnant.
And now I sit here, 37 weeks along, with the knowledge that as far as I'm concerned, these are my last days of being pregnant.  I'm trying to enjoy the movements of a baby inside me, because I know I won't be able to believe I've had 3 babies inside me.  I know I'll forget what it feels like to have a moving human kick me, save for the occasional gas.  :)  After this journey it's such a different place to sit.  Those of you who have had a hysterectomy or made the decision to be done may understand what I'm feeling.  But for so many of us, we just spend a lot of time wondering, will I only have one?  Should I try for two?  But the fact that I have any say over being done having kids is SO WEIRD!  I mean, since when has reproduction been in my own hands?
So if anyone has advice to enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I'm open.  I'm feeling huge and my skin is discolored on my face, but I'm thrilled to hold this new baby girl and teach her how awesome God is and her sisters and daddy.
We let our Disney passes expire, but I think when Penny hits the 40 inch mark we'll renew them.  Until then, here is us and the big guy saying hi.


Monday, March 2, 2015

Can you tell what color the cake is?

It's Pink!

We are following our own tradition of Girls!  I am so excited, I have to admit I was totally shocked.  I thought it was a boy for sure.  I'm not disappointed at all (How could I be!), but I was surprised.  I thought I would be baking a blue cake.  We have essentially everything we need for a girl, but I'm still going to redecorate the nursery.  It's been long enough and I'm just feeling like nesting. We'll move these two cuties into the same room soon, maybe even in the next week.  I think they're very excited about it.  
The only thing I don't have is a name.  I'm open to suggestions!  I loved the name Macie for years before I had her, and I just think Penny is adorable and goes with it.  We chose middle names after their grandmothers (Macie Romana, and Penelope Dorothy) so do I have to stick with stores and grandparents?  (Macy's and Penney's are department stores here in So Cal, are they stores where you are?  Do you have any store names that I may not know about near you?).  

So that's our news, The girls are excited and want to name the girls after my little ponies.  So Far Rainbow Dash is winning. 

Thursday, February 26, 2015

18 Weeks

Today is the day of our big ultrasound.  I am so excited to see this little one again.  Hopefully we can find out the gender so I can get going on figuring out what to do with the nursery.  Either way I am itching to repaint and redecorate but obviously a lot depends on what we're having.  
We have a 3 bedroom house (which I love) but this means the girls will be sharing.  I think they're excited, but we haven't officially told them it's happening.  They constantly ask for a 'sleepover' during nap time (which I haven't done) so at least the idea of sharing is in their minds.

Part of me is already nesting.  I'm finally getting a little energy back (although I'm still falling asleep at 8:30 - which my husband is NOT a fan of.  ha) and each day I'm trying to attack one thing that needs to get done.  I cleaned out the armoire in our room the other day and I decided it was time to say goodbye to the VHS tapes I had saved.  We don't even have a working VHS player, so it's not too hard of a decision, but I was surprised when I posted this picture on facebook how many people were happy to have the movies - apparently the VHS player is not dead!  

Other than baby, we're just busy living life.  Ever since watching Charlie Brown Christmas Macie and Penny have been talking about ice skating.  Here in Southern California there are very limited opportunities to do that, so I saw the city was offering 5 saturdays of lessons for 62 bucks...so I signed them up.  Last week was their first week. They spent 30 minutes crossing the ice 4 times.  It was adorable to watch.  I'm already looking forward to this Saturday.  

I hope you guys are doing well and I'll try to update when I can ... hopefully the gender of baby!  I'll be having a full caffeinated beverage on the way to the appointment in hopes of making sure this little one is moving!

Monday, February 9, 2015

A Big Blessing...

I have a bit of a surprise.
I'm pregnant.
With number 3.

So hello everyone, and I can't believe it's been such a long time since I've posted.  I'm currently sitting on our couch watching my two little girls play a princess castle game together.  I just think I felt the baby move.  Um, does it get much better?
So you might be wondering how did this happen?
I don't even know if I posted after this summer, but here's the run down.
We tried for 3 years to have a child before attempting IVF in 2009.  Our first attempt transferred two embryos and neither took.  Our second attempt transferred three embryos and one took resulting in my oldest daughter Macie.  She is going to turn 5 this May if you can believe it.  After having her we knew we didn't want to waste time trying for more so we didn't use any birth control.  When she was 10 months old we had a chemical pregnancy, but nothing more.  By that summer we were ready to use our remaining 2 embryos and I started the process again, and just when I was supposed to start Birth control at the start of my next period, my next period never came.  This was our beautiful daughter Penelope (Penny) who will be three in March.
Well, knowing that apparently we could make a baby on our own and knowing we had two embryos left made us decide to use birth control (ha!), so after Penny was born we waited two years to use our last two embryos. (Not that we were against getting PG on our own, but we were paying for embryo storage, and that nagging question of what to do with those embryos if we did have another 'on our own', so we just decided to finish what we started with IVF).  That was last summer.  I swore, I thought I was going to have twins.  I was SO shocked when neither took.
I was so relieved to be done with IVF.
So since then we had been trying on our own.  Not hardcore trying, but not preventing and stuff.  You gals know the drill.
So one day in November I realized I felt a little...different.  My period was supposed to start the next day.  So what does a former IF girl do?  She takes an OPK (ovulation predictor kit) and sees a smiley face.  So you may know what that means.  I had to do a video shoot for my church that night and at 11PM driving home I stopped at CVS to buy a pregnancy test (and a bag of mm's for Macie's preschool class party, but I'm sure the clerk thought for me!).  It was positive.

Now you're all caught up.  We're on number 3.  I'm 15 weeks along and my next dr. appt is this Thursday.  I'm so thankful and still a little scared.  I don't think that ever goes away.  I read lots of stories of loss and get scared but I know God has a plan even for me and my little family. I read stories and see stories of Joy every day too.

Should be an interesting 2015!

Friday, October 3, 2014

long overdue update

Sorry to leave you hanging since March.  I actually did try to update a few times but blogger was being weird and I couldn't log it.
So, in June we did our transfer.  We had two embryos left and I thought we were having twins.  I was so surprised that we didn't get pregnant.  I mean really surprised.  I tested at home after 9 days and when I saw the negative I was shocked.  It took about 2 days to believe it really didn't happen and I started to hatch a plan.  I took a test a few more times and all negative.  So I booked a trip to Walt Disney World.  Seriously.  Husband and I have always wanted to go, and we really felt like we could afford it if we used his whole Summer School teacher paycheck - so that's exactly what we did.  By the time the RE called to tell me the test was negative I was practically packing our bags.
So we took a 4 year old, 2 year old and my mom and we flew to WDW.
We had a blast.
It was hot, it rained, it was an adventure.  We celebrated the family that God has given us.  We felt like it was the right thing to do for our family.  The girls had never been on a plane and we knew that the school year would be busy, so we just went for it.  I think it will be a trip we'll always be glad we took.  Penny may not remember it, but the rest of us sure will. :)

As for the future with babies, I definitely would welcome another child, but in no way do I feel sad.  I've said over and over that God gave us the exact children he wanted us to have at the exact right time He wanted.  It wasn't on my schedule, but that doesn't mean it's not more than I imagined it would be.

I'd love to know who is still reading this (if you can count 2 posts a year a blog!).  Leave a comment!

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Guess what I just did.

So First things First:
Pictures.  When you go back to blogging for the first time in a long time, people want to see pictures.  I understand and will comply.  These are from our family photo shoot in October.  I am one lucky mamma.

My husband, ever the science teacher is teaching them about bugs here.  I did not want to participate.  

This little girl is going to be 2 years old this month.  It's amazing how big she is.  Our little Penny.

And her big sister, the amazing Macie, will be 4 in May.  She's in preschool two days a week and she loves it.  I mean, loves it.  But really, both her parents are teachers.  So what choice does she have?

Well, I just got off the phone with the Reproductive Endocrinologist.  We have 2 embryo's left, and we're going to use them!
But not for a few more months.  
If you don't remember the gist of our story with the girls...we tried for 3 years to have Macie.  We did a failed fresh IVF (2 embryo's) and a successful frozen cycle (3 embryo's [and GOD!]) gave us Macie.  We never used birth control after that.  We had a chemical pregnancy when Macie was just 10 months old, and we were gearing up to try the 2 embryo's we had left and had even started the process with the Dr. for the next frozen cycle when my period never came.  So there was Penny, our 'Surprise'. (although it's hard to say surprise...we do know how babies are made, but really, a "free" baby?  crazy!).  So that brings us to now.  We have NOT been trying since Penny was born.  We feel like we have been blessed with these two last embryo's, so we're going to give them a try, and if we got pregnant again...well...we're just not trying to make things more confusing for ourselves.  :).  So here we are.  
And it's funny, I haven't blogged much in the past few years.  But my very first instinct was to get back on this blog and tell you all about it.  
The appointment I made for the Dr. isn't until the end of April, but that' okay.  We're not in a hurry.  And I want to put up here some accountability...I really need to lose the last of Penny's baby weight (well, it's my baby weight) before getting pregnant again.  So as of today, it's on!  (or off? hmm).  
I'll keep you posted. 
Leave a comment if you're reading, I'd love to catch up with you ladies!

Monday, October 14, 2013

Is anyone still out there?

Hello blog readers.  It's Courtney.  Take my lack of posting to mean all is well.  Macie is at the best age - 3 is so much fun.  Penny is 18 months and is one of my greatest treasures.  She is pushing boundaries but I love it.
I still follow your blogs.  Moving from Google reader to Feedly is still a little confusing at times (I've just decided that I am not technologically savvy and I don't care who knows it), so I still don't know if I've got everyone's blog listed, but I think like me, a lot of you are not posting as frequently because Hello, life is busy and wonderful.
This blog is mostly about our journey through infertility, with a dash of life on the side, and there just isn't too much to say on those fronts right now.  We still have two embryos left from 2010, and we'll plan to use them next spring/summer.  We're just saving our money and I need to get serious about losing 20 pounds before we do the transfer.  Plus, our girls are just SO MUCH FUN right now.  Yes, it's a ton of work, but isn't this what I prayed for?  Yes!  And I have a wonderful peace about these embryos.  If they work, great, if they don't, I feel like my quiver is full, and I'm not lacking in a family.
I'm back to work part time, and every single day is busy, so even when I have a chance to sit, I'll catch up on reading blogs, but typing on a computer tablet? ... Foggetaboutit.
So that's where we're at.  The husband is great, it's football season so we're busy with him coaching.  And Church will be ramping up as we're already planning for Christmas.

I hope you all are doing well, and If you're still reading feel free to leave a comment (even though I know it's annoying to do so from a table - again, is there an easier way to do that?).
Happy Monday,