Christmas is coming

These next two weeks will be full of Christmas tidings and business. I'm at home (love the schedule of a teacher!), and even now, I'm enjoying a southern california rainshower while the little one takes her naps, dad's at the gym, and a christmas movie is playing on TV. We have a few small excursions to look forward to but mostly I am thankful

for how different this year is from years' past.

I don't want to take a moment for granted and so I'll be off the computer quite a bit for the next two weeks. I mostly blog from work (during my lunch time of course), as when I get home I love to spend as much of my free time as possible with Macie.

So this is Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, and I'm praying for a great 2011 for us all.

And b.t.w., these people are my two favorite in the whole world. Daddy and daughter.

Soooo Big!

Macie and an appointment on Wednesday to get the first part of her flu shot and we weighed her while at the office.
Um, my daughter is not hurting for size.
My little 7 month, 1 week old daughter is in the 95th percentile still for weight! She's 20.12 lbs! There are two year olds that size!
The good news is she's tall too, (28 inches - 99th percentile), so she's at least proportional. But wowzers.
Just to ask, how much were your little ones eating at 7 months? Right now she's on about 25 ounces of formula, 2 veggies (stage 2), 1 fruit (stage 2), and 2 1/4 cup bowls of cereal.
That's all she eats in a 24 hour period.
It's amazing how much genetics play into size (so I think). I was always off the charts as a baby, and Dh was also.
This from the same child who once had dropped all the way to 6 lbs 10 oz. a week after she was born!

We had said January

It occured to me the other day that DH and I had said (in my pregnant state before baby was here) that we would not prevent pregnancy (ever again!) in the fall, but not 'try' until January, and then if there is no luck, maybe this summer we'll see about our two frozen embryo's.

I just realized it's December.

Am I really ready to start trying again next month? Does this mean I need to buy OPKs and start timing intercourse?

Or should we just blow the wad and see about the two frozen ones sooner?

Geez...I guess I need to start praying about these big decisions!

Lord, what would you have us do? How can I thank You for how blessed I already am!

This is quite a journey I'm we're on these days!

I am so excited, only 1 more day of work tomorrow, and then I get to stay home with our little one for two whole weeks! (minus a 2 night stay in La.s veg.as for our 5th anniversary!).

This is the face I think about everyday while at work...

Pictures

It's always hard for me to post pictures because my computers seem so slow, but these are totally worth it. We had six month pictures taken as a family (it was DH's 35th birthday). There was a little facebook controversy, but other than that, we have been sooooo excited about these pictures. A friend of mine from church and her husband are wedding photographers who have expanded to family photos. Some of these are on our christmas card, and I put together a shutterfly book for our parents as Christmas gifts.
We have been so blessed this year. It's been a difficult and amazing 2010 for many reasons. But when I look at my little one, I just can't imagine how life will continue to change in 2011. Love to you all!

11 Days until Christmas

I just thought I'd put it that way in case some of you didn't realize how quickly this holiday is sneaking up on us. 11 days.
Wow. Time has been going fast for a few years now. Sometimes I absolutely can't beleive this is my 10th year of teaching. How did that happen? I just turned 32 last week. How did that happen?
But then yesterday I got a treat in the mail. A package from my Grandmother. My 85 year old Grandmother made a Christmas Stocking for Macie. I almost cried. Not because it's so beautiful, but because time goes so fast. I love this woman. She always tries to make things as nice as possible for everyone. But it breaks my heart to know that Macie has a very short window to know her GG (great grandmother).
Time goes so fast. I wonder if GG thinks about that type of stuff. Or if she can share it with anyone. She is the primary caregiver for my grandfather (he's 84 and has parkinsons amoungst other health issues).
This is why I don't pay money to watch sad movies or dark movies. Life is full of enough pain as it is. Sometimes the pain is natural and healthy, but still painful.

11 days until Dec. 25th, 2010.

We have a bond

Have you ever met someone, and within a few minutes of conversation realized that this person probably went through IF too? That happened to me here at my new school site.
I had been a part of a few conversations with this woman who is married. I didn't know if she had kids or not. But then I heard her say something about waiting for adoption.
And wanting to be as healthy as possible.
Now to ther 'average' person, you might think, oh, she decided to adopt!
But of course, I went much further than that.
I wonder how long they've been trying to have kids. Maybe they couldn't have kids and maybe they've been through IVF. Maybe they already have kids and now they're adopting. Maybe IVF didn't work and now they're moving on to adoption.
So I got a chance to talk to this lady one on one, and I shared a little bit about Macie (not IVF, just that we tried for 3 years to have her). SHe didn't open up right away, but as soon as I said IVF, she lit up and told me she and her husband have been trying for years, and after 3 IVF attempts they decided to be done with that road and persue adoption.
I just knew it!
We decided to have lunch sometime to get to know each other, and even in those few minutes in the copier room I felt a compatibility. She even said, it's so great when you meet someone else who has been through this because no one can truely understand unless they have done this too.

So around every corner, you never know who you might bump into that knows the meaning of 'pupo', 'opk', '2ww', and 'bfp'.

Is she breastfed?

Okay, so randomly, people have come up to me and asked me, "excuse me, but is your daughter breastfed?". One was at a burger joint and one was at cos.tco. Seriously.
I'm used to getting questions like, "well she is adorable, what aisle can I pick one of those up?!", and "did you get her at the counter?" (it sounds cuter when a 70+ lady asks you these questions, not creepy like when I just re-read this). But two different people have asked me if I am breastfeeding her.
The first time I was shocked. So shocked that all I could say was, half breastmilk, and half formula. She responded, "oh, I can tell. I'm a baby nurse and she just looks so healthy".
The second time I said, mostly formula. The lady responded, "oh, she just looks so healthy!".

Okay, begin rant...

What does a formula fed baby look like? Benjamin Butt.on? Formula is milk! A very special milk makes babies healthy! Formula fed babies thrive just as well as BF ones.
I wanted to breastfeed exclusively. I cried for two days thinking I was completely inept at being a mommy when I realized I wasn't making enough milk. I now believe I didn't stimulate my nipples enough in the Hospital and this is why I didn't produce enough milk, but still, I wanted to BF. But I had to suppliment. So of course I feel very strongly about formula. It made my daughter look as healthy as she is today! I'm grateful for this kind of technology! But there is so much propaganda about breastfeeding that I think society (or two women that came up to me) think that we are hurting our children if they have to be on formula.
Now of course there are benefits, I'm not debating the importance of breastfeeding. I'm just ranting that these women seemed to think it would be a crime, or at least make my child look sickly if I gave them formula.

Well, since about 5 1/2 months Macie has been on formula, and when the next woman says something, I'll just say something cute about how I'm raising her on rainbows and butterflies.

Sorry I've been such a blogging slacker lately, but with the holidays, DH's bday, my Bday, and a lovely little one at home, there isn't much time. I do keep up with goog.le reader though, so I'm keeping tabs on those of you going for #2 or still praying for #1.

Enjoy the day, and happy birthday to Feli.city Huffman, Donn.y Osmand, and me!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Our little one is crawling...kind of!

It's amazing to watch her grow and change and just ulitmately look more like a little girl and less like a baby.

Here is a picture of her during bath time, although she's starting to be a little too big for the sink, so we're experimenting with the tub. So far it's just easier if I get in with her.

So her 6 month stats are:

Weight - 18 lbs 14 oz - 94th percentile

Height - 28 inches - 99th percentile

Head - 43rd percentile (I forgot the measurement)

So we have a big girl! She's still wearing six month clothing, but 9 months fit just fine. It's the footed pajamas that are crazy. Tonight she's comfortably wearing 12 month pjs. Unreal.

We're hosting a few family members for Thanksgiving, so it should be nice.

I hope you are all doing well and I'm thinking about you often! You'd be surprised how many times I start sentences to DH by saying, "I read on a blog today...".

Thankful for my daughter, My husband and My savior (not necessarily in that order, ha!)

#2

I've been thinking more about number 2 lately. Not because I want to jump on the bandwaggon right now, but because a lot of friends of mine seem to be moving on to the second child.
I think I shared that I had a dream a few months ago that I was pregnant and it was more of a nightmare. I remember feeling like I didn't have enough time with just Macie and I was just so exhausted that I couldn't fathom starting over from scratch.
And while I still feel that way, I know that I am still the same woman who tried for 3 years without success and it's unlikely we'll get PG again on our own. If God wants us to we will, but I also know that we have two more frozen embryos we need to consider.
Last night at bible study, one woman was discussing new years eve cocktails, and trying to find good non-alcholic ones, because she'll be pregnant by then. It still shocks me to hear people talk like that. Not because she shouldn't, but because she can. I don't hold a grudge against anyone who gets pregnant easily. That's just as wrong as someone thinking I'm wrong for doing IVF. But it still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up when people speak so freely about getting pregnant.
So next summer seems to be a good compromise for us. We'll see what the Lord has in store for us then.

Picture

I'm really good at taking pictures of Macie. But when it comes to putting them on my computer? Foggetaboutit.

So here are some from last month. My mom did this while I was at work. Can you believe it?

AND

That's a dress that I wore as a baby that she saved. Um, yeah. That's pretty much awesome.

Today we're off to the pumpkin patch (I've never been!). I know there will be many photo opportunities, so if my computer cooperates I'll post some soon (well, at some point).

Happy October 23rd!

5 months

Can you believe how quickly time has flown by? She is five months old now!
We introduced Rice cereal on her 5 month birthday - it was a hit. For right now we're only eating it at her 5:00 meal. Next week I'll add another cereal feeding to her 11:00 meal. I'm excited to introduce other foods, but I'll wait until after talking to the doctor at her 6 month check up next month.
Isn't it weird that next month is November already? Where has the time gone!?
Yesterday it became official that Macie is a 'sitter-upper'. She has been balancing for a few weeks now, but yesterday I put her in the pack and play while I made dinner (Shepard's pie, yum!) and she stayed in a sitting position for about 15 minutes! So I'm putting that as officially when she started sitting up. Fun!
There is so much else to write, but I'm posting this while on a break at work, so I don't want to infringe on class time.
Take care ladies!

AF - Permission to land?

PERMISSION GRANTED!
Yes, I write you a much happier woman, on the other side of AF. So for the record, the day after my last post I got a strange and wonderful visitor. I told my husband it was weird to see red and not have a panic attack over it. Isn't it strange? My last menstral cycle had been July of 2009.
I am happy for many reasons. I would of course love to have more children, but I am so happy right now with an overflowing cup, that the thought of having another right away scares me.
That being said, I am happy to take whatever God feels I can handle, and if it means another little one right away, then sign me up.
But if I had to choose (God is laughing at that statment), it would be to wait another 6-8 months before getting pregnant. So...all that to say, I have conquored AF and will see if it is another 26-28 days before we meet again.
In the meantime, my little one is 5 months today! Yikes! Tonight for dinner she will be having her very first rice cereal. Yum. I hope she takes to it well. She has one tooth that broke out about 2 weeks ago, so I'm thinking that is all the more reasons she is ready for food. Her pediatrician said 5 months, so I am taking her literally.

I love all the blogs and am enjoying reading everything that you guys write, even if my comments are to a minimum.
Enjoy Thursday all!

How I met your m.other and WHEN?

First, how I met your m.other. The TV show. Anyone watch it? I find it amusing so I DVR it and watch it at a later point during the week.
This season, Marshall and Lily are going to try to have a baby. There was a really sensitive moment that they had when Lily admitted that she was scared she would be infertile. It really made me well up with tears. THis show is not known for it's poignency, but I found it worth mentioning.
Secondly: New moms...when did you get your period after the baby was born? Macie is 4 1/2 months old and I have no period. I am not exclusively breastfeeding, but I am still BF 3 times a day. I'm desperate to compare. I really would like to get back to 100% normal, but I don't feel 100% quite yet. 95 % maybe. Just waiting for AF.

Small Group

Monday nights are our small group. Today will be the second week that we are meeting. I have some dilemmas that I'm hoping you guys can help me with. Small group/Bible study lasts from 7-8:30. Macie's bedtime is 8:00. The couple's house we're meeting at is about 25 minutes away. We are committed to going and I'm always glad to have gone. But I don't exactly know what to do with Macie.
There is a babysitter there, and there are 3 other children. My problem is that Macie pretty much still requires one on one attention. I can keep her in the group with me, but you guys know how it is when other people have their babies...you just can't quite focus on the discussion because the baby is either super cute or being fussy and distracting. So I'm thinking about bring the pack and play or the swing or something like that and then kind of watching her myself. What would you guys do if you were in my situation?

4 months!

(I know I look awful, this was right after being in the pool - no makeup!)

Labor day weekend is wonderful for teachers. It's a little touch of summer wrapped up in a few weeks of school. I will admit that I don't hate working. Don't get me wrong, I HATE being away from Macie. But I was actually very suprised to find that working isn't awful. I am teaching all senior economics this year and while seniors are not my favorite age to work with, I have five groups of really good kids and I think this was pre-arranged by God, because that's not normal. I'm sure I'll have some hard kids and hard days, but of the first two weeks, things are going well. I am however going to ask my boss if I can work 60% next year. In high school that means that I need to teach every day, but I would either be finished by 11:00AM or start at 11:00AM. I don't know what would work best, but I'm open. The school does have the right to deny me 60%, but I'm hoping they'll think I'm a good enough teacher to keep around.

As far as Macie...

She's 4 months old tomorrow! Where has the time gone!?

She is cooing and giggling, and I swear she laughed at me on Tuesday but she hasn't repeated it when people are around! She loves to grab her feet and can roll over but doesn't do it very often. This morning I found her in her crib rotated 180 degrees from where she started, but still on her back. It's like she made a half circle with her feet. Baby breakdancing maybe?

Her 4 month well baby appointment is on Friday, and I am so ready to know what she weighs and how long she is. Still in the 97%? We'll see.

I hope you all had lovely Labor day weekends and I'll look forward to updates from all of you!

Oh, and one last praise, a dear friend of mine IRL is pregnant! She is 37 and has been trying for four years. She had a failed fresh IVF this June and just got her BFP! So we're praying for good news and a lovely healthy baby in 9 months! Let me leave you with a picture from this morning before we went shopping on Labor day. Four months tomorrow!

Going back

Tomorrow I will become a 'working mom'.

Now this post isn't to debate whether or not I should be working with a little one, I know it's a hot button issue, but to talk about the facts, and the fact is, tomorrow I'm going back to work.

I don't want to, I want to stay home and be with Macie and raise her myself. But that's not where we're at in life, and I have completely accepted that, and I'm still gra

teful to have a job as a teacher. I don't know about other states, but CA is a mess right now and we have no state money, so getting my job back is a blessing.

But let's instead focus on how awesome my daughter is! She's 3 1/2 months. She's in the 97th percentile for weight/height/head circum. She loves to try to stand up, she loves to be held above your head and smile down (and droll) on you! She coos and smiles and is a pretty happy baby for sure.

It's hard to update much as I have just wanted to spend every moment with her. Right now DH is explaining football to her, so I was able to grab a few moments here. So just know that even though I'm not updating as much, I'm reading all of your blogs (except the Chinese weirdness that keeps showing up in the comments, what's that about?!) and love getting updates.

Until later!

Lake Tahoe, 4 generations, home again

It was a crazy 2 weeks! We took an official vacation (as opposed to traveling which is great, but not always relaxing. This trip was about relaxing!) to Lake Tahoe and then stopped by my grandparents for a few days. It was great, and my advice to anyone considering traveling with an almost 3 month old...take a grandparent or sitter. It made all the difference! My mom turned 60 this summer, so we told her this trip was part of her birthday celebration, and then her sister was able to come and stay with us as well, so we had 'two' grandparents who were excited to take care of Macie while DH and I went rafting and swam in the lake. Don't get me wrong, I did most of the baby work, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but there were definate advantages to being able to eat a meal with both hands while our little one was loved on and passed around by our friends and my mom.
Genious.
The car trip getting there was a little adventurous. I grew up driving up the 5 fwy 7 or 8 hours at a time, but taking a baby makes that a whole different experience. Then adding a few extra hours to the front end of the trip (about 9 hours of driving time, 11 of traveling time), and we were ready to relax even more. Macie was an amazing traveler, sleeping most of the time she was in her car seat. And thankfully, that didn't mess with her bed time schedule too much.

I'll post pictures soon, but I wanted to check in and update. I'm still reading many blogs and anxious to find time to comment soon! It's already August. I can't believe how quickly time is passing!

Better

The girl recovered just fine from her shots. By the next morning she was almost normal temp, so we have moved on. I'm not looking forward to her next shots for sure. Now there is the possibility of fever...boo. Poor thing.

We have however been busy enjoying so. cal life. It's finally been warm here (okay, it's finally been HOT here), so we've enjoyed the pool at my dad's house and my neighbors house.

Here's the thing, I love the water. Love it. And so far so does my daughter! Yeah! So it's been fun seeing her acclimate. We haven't put her head under, but she's tolerated the pool for like 15 minutes each time.

Oops, she just woke up, and now it's time to eat. more to come!

Fever

Yup. The girl came down with a fever after the shots. And BTW, I did cry. She loved the oral vaccine, just sucked that one right up. But when the three shots were administered, she was howling, and that's what I wanted to do. But I just had tears rolling down my face.
She seemed a little extra tired (normal), but all else was fine. Then last night I was changing her and she felt warm, so I took her temp and it was about 100.4 degrees. So dh went out and got the acetamenaphin (however you spell it, I didn't bother to double check it) and she took it well, and her fever seemed to go down to about 99 degrees. We swaddled her in her diaper (no pj's) and she woke up once around 3 - which she hasn't done in a week or so. I fed her, because from what I've read, since she's extra warm she's burning more calories and closer to dehydration. So she ate and then woke up a few hours later and now here we are. She's got a temp of about 99 degrees still, but the second dose of acetamenaphin will be wearing off soon.
This is not fun. At least today she's not moaning though. It was the saddest thing. Last night while we were waiting for dad to get back from ta.rget, she just laid on me and moaned.
Oh, how I want her to feel better. Yuck.

Tomorrow is Macie's 2 month appointment, although tomorrow she will be ten weeks. Am I crazy, that I'm actually looking forward to her getting her shots? Not in a Sadistic way, so don't even trip about that. I'm just looking forward to her starting to receive some innoculations. I hate thinking about her getting sick, but thinking about her getting sick with something that could actually hurt her...yeah, I'm not that bummed about the shots.
Although I will probably be crying all the way home tomorrow and thinking 'how could I have thought shots would be a good thing...waahh!'. The good news is dh gets to go with us, so it'll be a family affair. We didn't plan much for the rest of the day just in case Macie gets really fussy or has a reaction.
I'm sitting here with Macie strapped to me in her ergo infant carrier, and I'll tell ya, this is genious. While I haven't eaten breakfast yet, I am able to get so much done and not leave her in the swing all day. I don't mind putting her in her swing, but it's nice to feel like I'm holding her and multitasking. And I just know that this isn't going to last forever. And like so many of you, there of course are the questions about whether or not there will be more children in our future, so I want to enjoy each moment this little one gives us.
I'm off to eat something. So far, each day just gets better and better!
And the sleep is great too! She's giving us at least 7 hours between feedings at night, and it's lovely. I call that sleeping through the night. It started last Saturday night, so ... so far so good!

It gets better

I think I mentioned that I had a hard time not wishing away the first few weeks. It was hard. I was tired and in pain, and I didn't really know my daughter yet. We were so busy learning about each other and in the middle of that, dealing with family, breastfeeding, and life. I didn't want to complain because I still knew in the middle of everything what a gift Macie was. And I knew it would get better.

And by golly it has. Tomorrow Macie will be 2 months old! Two months! She smiles now! She's starting to be much more alert, holding her head up like a champ. We went away for the fourth of july weekend, and just had a blast. She went to the beach (but the water was way too cold for any actual dipping, but enjoyed 5 different 4th of July outfits, and one adorable bathing suite/cover up.

I am starting to enjoy motherhood so much more than I ever thought possible. I find that I have a hard time not worrying, but I think that's why the Bible is so specific about not wasting life by worrying - it doesn't add a single day or minute to my life. So that's what I'm working on. But I absolutely love her. I would change a thing. Here are a few pictoral highlights...

Also, I tried making Ina Garten's flag cake this fourth of July. It turned out great, but wow - there is a lot of butter in there! I ended up using two regular cake mixes and then her frosting recipe. It was out of control delicious!

It's about time

For Pictures!

This first one is from a recent day trip to some outlet shopping in Camarillo. One of our few family pictures. We've found most of our pictures are of Macie while she's asleep.

Here is one from Father's day. I put her in one of her nicest dresses, compliments of her Grandma. This girl is not hurting for clothes to wear. I almost dread doing laundry because then I have so many choices for her again.

Then, who doesn't love a stylish girl in glasses? Although I think it looks more like she's a granny, but it's cute.

I know it's not much, but this girl has been such a blessing. She's giving us about one 5 hour stretch of sleep a night, but sometimes she starts it at 8 o'clock, and then gets up about 3 and then again about 5. I'm ready for a full night of sleep, but this isn't a complaint, it's a blessing. She's more than I ever imagined...

Pump, pump, pump it up!

Or out. Milk that is.
I'm sitting here pumping milk.
Things are great. Our little one is 5 1/2 weeks.
I hate pumping milk, but it's worth it.
Where does the time go? I'll post more later but I just wanted to check in. I'm still here, still reading blogs while I pump, but not much computer time these days other than my little pumping station that I've set up next to the lap top.

I'm gonna head back to bed...

Time Passing

Time is going by quickly! Macie is 3 1/2 weeks old. Her latest tricks involve spitting up, using her neck (a little) and sitting in her rocker/swing.
She's just amazing.
We're doing well over here. Each day I'm trying to leave the house at least once, and it's going well. Last week I developed a little cabin fever, so it's been nice to get out. And thankfully this week is the end of the school year for my husband so next week we'll be home together and we'll probably try to get some stuff done or go and do something fun before summer school starts.
Sleep has been okay. Some days I get 5 hours and some days I get 7 (interrupted of course, but that's okay!). The 7 hour days are much better than the 5 hours. It really just depends on what time her last feeding takes place. If she eats at 8:30 PM than DH and I will usually go to sleep with her. But if she waits until 10 or 11PM than we don't get to sleep until then. Then pretty consistently she's up at 1 or 2 and again at 4 or 5. So if I can get in a nap after the 5AM feeding than great, but for most of this week that's when she's been at her fussiest, and least happy to go back to sleep.
But really, I don't want to complain. She's doing great, gaining more weight, I'm working hard to give more breast milk, and we're pretty pleased.
This is still the biggest adjustment though! And it's still weird to see all of our parents regularly. I can't wait for another grandchild to be born so that our little one won't be the center of attention. I'm so ready for it to be normal for her to be in our lives. Not the new baby, just Macie, who has always been here (that's how it feels anyway).

Take care all!

People

It's hard to let people help. I am fiercely protective of my little one and have a hard time accepting that my schedule has to be accomodating to letting other people help.
But I suppose that's just where I'm at.
For all of you out there with multiples, I just want to say that you're amazing. Having this one baby is so much better AND so much more work than I thought (but COMPLETELY worth it!). My heart goes out to all of you during these first few weeks and months of motherhood when it must be so much more overwhelming than what I'm feeling.
But, God matched us all up perfectly, so I'm super grateful for what I have.

Oh, breast pump time is up, gonna go snuggle with my little one.
Enjoy Tuesday, and Glory to God for all of this!

Lots to say but no time

Hey all,
I'm still reading your blogs, but boy, this little one is keeping me busy. Breastfeeding has not been smooth and right now pumping is my best option. I'll discuss more later. But the girl is healthy and gaining some of the weight she lost (I wasn't making enough milk at home and she dropped almost a pound from her birthweight, hence the pumping on my part). Her weight is back up and we are doing well. My stiches are less irritating and I can't tell you how exciting it is to be able to bend over again! And, get to sleep on my stomach (although this is only for a moment before my boobs get too full of milk and I have to turn on my side).
But she has been worth every inch of pain or discomfort...What a doll. We are so blessed.
More later!

Details

(the long version)

Thursday morning I had an office visit since I was 4 days past my due date. They did a NST and this time I recorded the baby's movement as well as recording the heartbeat and contractions. I really hate those external monitors. But all looked well, except that when I came in at the start of the appt my blood pressure was higher than it had been (150/99). On monday the doctor had ordered yet another 24 hour urine test because I had been spilling protein which is of course a sign of pre-eclampsia.
So I left the dr. office office waiting to hear what the results of the urine had been from the day before. The dr. called at 2:30 and said I tested positive for 'mild preeclampsia' so 'game over, we're inducing today'.
I wasn't very upset, in fact, I was pretty happy about it. Finally, we were going to get this show on the road!
So I called DH and told him 'game on' we were going to check into the hospital. He left his track meet and came home and we were checked in and sitting on the hospital bed by 4:20.
Because of the danger of preeclampsia the dr. had ordered me to be put on magnesium, but that wouldn't start until labor began. For now they used prosti.glandin to soften my cervix (which was about 1 1/2, 50%) when I got there. So that dosage wasn't too painful, and the first one was about 5pm-ish on Thursday. The hospital monitored my blood pressure about a billion times while I was there and never once was it high. In fact, it errored on the very low side, especially when I was lying down. Every nurse called my dr. to confirm that I would still need the magnesium because my bp was just dandy, but the dr. insisted.
I got three doses of prostigland.in, each 6 hours apart and by 9 am the next morning my cervix was about a 4, so on with the labor. The dr. came in and broke my water and used internal monitoring (which was so far superiour to the external monitors, but I still see the scratch marks on the baby's head! ouch!) and that really started labor going. I had planned to get an epidural, but I had about 2 hours of active labor before that happened and I'll tell you, for each of you ladies who do it naturally, more power to you, but I felt like a genious after getting an epidural!
This is not a judgemental comment towards anyone, but the feelings before vs. after epidural: night and day. I wasn't feeling those awful contractions and it was nice to be a little more relaxed as I saw the contractions peak at 80!
The woman next door had not opted for an epidural and was screaming her head off so natch I felt like the smartest woman ever. And for the record, the epidural was the easiest, most non-scary part of labor. The anesthesiologist described everything and it was virtually painless.
After that, it was close to 11:15 am and that's when the magnesium and pitocin was started. Things progressed nicely and by 6 the nurse said I was 10 and ready to push. The problem was, the dr. was unavailable until 7 pm. There was an on call dr. but no one thought I'd be ready to deliver so quickly. by 6:45 the baby was just about crowning and epidural or not, the pressure to push was enormous and the nurse made me blow through those last contractions. That was by far the hardest part of this whole thing. They tried to distract me, but at that point there is no way you can just not push. So I did the best I could and about 15 minutes later the dr. came in, the nurse practically put the gown on for her and I was allowed to push. Her head came out easily but I had time stopping to let the dr. guide out the shoulders, so I ended up with a stage 2 tear. Boo! So I sit here with some lovely stiches but at least that part is getting a little better each day. I'll save the first post partum bowl movement discussion for another day. Stitches are not fun!
So at 6:59, our little one was born, and it was crazy. I see this miracle in my husbands arms right now, and if I hadn't seen her come out of me, I never would've believed it. Each child is such a miracle.
I have more to say but Macie is ready for her 5th feeding this morning so I'm signing off.

Extrordinary things happen on Ordinary days

She's here!

Macie was born on May 7th at 6:59 PM.

7 lbs 6 oz, all is well. The labor was about 25 hours long, but mostly because I was induced.

We came home from the hospital yesterday and this great adventure has begun!

I will post the birth story soon, I always love reading that on all y'all's blogs, but for now I'll leave you a picture of our little one!

Dh and I always say that the most extrordinary things happen on the most ordinary of days, and I think this fits that category well!

All the Scenarios...

So thank you for your kind words for my friend Emily...That's really how I'm feeling right now. Such happiness in the middle of such sorrow. And I really think, such is life. This is how most of the world goes.
So now for baby girl update.
At my appt on monday they did a NST for about 30 minutes and the dr. felt the baby looked great. I did however have more protein in my urine. So what does that mean? My 4th 24 hour urine test of the pregnancy. 4th! So I did that yesterday and then turned it in to the lab today and they did some bloodwork as well. Originally my Dr. hoped she'd have those results by tonight and if I did have too much protein they would enduce me for preeclampsia.
However, the first thing I had asked my dr. when she told me I had more protein, was could she just induce me? She said if my cervix wasn't favorable and they induced me then I would be looking at a 50% chance of having a c-section. So I understand her hesitancy, but then she checked me, and said I was one centemeter dialited, but my cervix wasn't terribly soft or effaced, etc. So she scheduled another appointment for tomorrow (Thursday) morning for another NST.
Hopefully she'll have my results by then (but I am not banking on it) and she may be inclined to induce me tomorrow if needed.
Another factor is Emily's memorial service. It's on Saturday. I can't share how desperately I want to be there, but that I want to be there with a healthy baby in my arms. Right now I'm putting that at about a 50% chance. Because inspite of all this week's testing, I could still go into labor on my own at any time!
IF none of the above occurs and baby stays safe and comfortable then I'll be induced on Sunday night.

Yup. I can't think of much else right now. I'm starting to hate maternity leave, because I feel like I'm wasting time. I don't want to just lie around all day, but yesterday I walked for a few hours and that didn't change anything.

Oh, and while DH enjoyed sex, once he heard the report that the dr. had been able to feel the baby's head when she checked my cervix, I think it freaked him out that his man business may be actually able to hit the baby's head as well. So...we'll have to see if that's another option for us. Ha.

Take care ladies, there's a lot going on these days. I'm going to let God's grace and some TLC channel help pass the time.
Oh, and maybe some frozen yogurt for lunch.

Emily

My heart is broken, but still overflowing.

My friend Emily has Cystic Fibrosis. If you aren't familiar with this, it's a genetic disease that can affect either your respiratory system or digestive system. My friend Emily was affected by both.

Typically Emily is a really healthy person. She has worked so hard in life not let this disease rule her and until about 3 months ago, she consistantely beat CF. She would be in and out of the hopsital perhaps 3 times a year, but other than that, she was really healthy. She had a number of medical treatments she had to do each day, but if you didn't know that, you would never know something was different with her. Except that she coughed a lot.

About 3 months ago they found a new bacteria in her lungs and tried to kill it with antibiotics. The problem is for many CF patients that they become immune to antibiotics because they spend so much of their life on them.

Emily passed away on Saturday. Emily, who was only 27, full of life, and a big part of my life for the past 9 1/2 years is gone.

We only got to see her once while she was in ICU these last few months, mostly because she was just so sick. She had gone into kidney failure and was on a transplant list for that, and her lung infection finally spread to her blood, and that was it. When we saw her though, she was on a ventilator and a trach was in her throat, so we decided to tell her what our baby's name is. She was the only person on this planet who knew. And now, as my mom pointed out, it's nice to think that while we're waiting for this little baby to get here, Emily (who was a warrior in her faith) is already with her in heaven until the baby gets here.

What else is crazy is that her funeral is Saturday. It's quite possible I won't be able to make it to the funeral depending on the schedule of this little one. I'll update on yesterday's appointment soon, but for now, I just want to encourage all of us to remember how important our relationships are. That's all we get to take with us.

My heart is broken, but my cup still runneth over.

39 weeks 6 days

So here I am...
Pregnant.
Greatful for that, but still pregnant.
Mentally it's like this: Someone tells you that you're whole life is about to change. And then that person gets distracted by something shiny and walks away.
It's this rediculous waiting game.
The first few days of maternity leave were really nice. I felt like I deserved them and I was busy finishing things.
But now, my thank you notes are written, the nursery is done, the infant to 3 month clothes have been washed...and I'm still pregnant.
The dr. appointment this week was anti-climactic again. She didn't check me. The heartbeat was good, bp was okay, not great but okay. No reasons to persue further intervention. So this is where my anticipation has set in. I really thought that Wednesday would be this magical day. But it's not.
So now, if I don't have this baby by monday I have an appointment for a Non stress test in the afternoon and then if still no baby another NST later on that week. She said she won't let me go beyond 41 weeks, so what I'm hoping is that this means she would induce next Friday instead of making me wait through ANOTHER weekend next week.
What I'm really hoping is that this baby will come today. Or tonight. Or tomorrow...or soon!

That's the update! Today I woke up with a big headache, I'm trying not to read anything into that, but I'm resting and hoping this baby girl will be good to go soon!

39 weeks 2 days

What do real contractions feel like? Better yet, what did they feel like for you? I've had two very different feelings, but neither one felt like what I expected.
Feeling #1:
Like you sneeze and your abdomen cramps up for about 3 seconds. But without the sneeze. This all takes place in the lower part of my uterus.
Feeling #2
Cramping on only one side of my uterus, but it felt like when you are going for a jog and then you get a cramp because you haven't had enough water (or whatever, but a cramp while jogging/running type feeling).

Any insight? Everyone says that I'll just 'know', but I'm bored over here and looking for any signs of labor.
Next appointment, tomorrow, 9Am. Hopefully she'll finally check me.
Excited!

Already a little sad

I am not sorry to say that so far I'm enjoying my first few days of maternity leave. There have been some really hard moments that have to do with my friend Emily (I'll post seperately about her later), but today, I'm quite enjoying being home and getting things done.

I am doing some baby laundry and I'm looking at some of these amazingly cute outfits that our little one has been given. The outfit on the left is what we'll be taking her home in (it's from Res.toration hardware baby and child - who knew they had a baby store, it's all online, really expensive, and I'm in love!).

But as I was washing all these little clothes, I got a little sad thinking about how quickly she's going to outgrow them. Isn't that silly? She's not even here yet and I'm worried about her growing up. What a funny reaction. It makes me think about #2. I want to enjoy each moment with this little baby as she may be our only child, but I'm just hoping that my body will have figured out how to get pregnant and in my crazy brain I just keep praying and hoping that getting pregnant a second or third time will just be as easy a wink.

Here's to being hopeful, happy and feeling very fortunate today.

Change is a' comin'

Lots to share:
So yesterday was just a regular check up at the OB. However, my BP was elevated (and I only had gained a pound if you read my previous post, so yippee!). So Dr. Tata's comes in and gives me the run down (again) of pre-eclampsia. I get it. If I have a headache, spots, blurry vision, bleeding,...basically anything, then I am just to go to the hospital. I appriciate her concern, but I feel like I've heard that scary speech so many times from so many people that I'm becoming immune. (but of course I'm definately looking for any symptoms because I'm stupid but I'm not stupid, you know?).
Once that speech was over, she became the normal doctor again. Heartbeat sounds great, oh and b.t.w., you need to stop working NOW. No, Friday will not be your last day, today was your last day.
That was surprising. The appointment went from regular check up to, we're going to have you do another 24 hours urine test to see if you have protein, and if you do, we will induce.
Um, wow.
That was some new information. So last night was a crazy night of making sure my long term sub could start early (he could) and to make sure I had lessons planned for the rest of the week (I did), calling my bosses and getting settled.
Today has been full of that stupid urine test, and tomorrow I'll turn it in and do the bloodwork.

So if anybody is really out there, are you thinking what I'm thinking? If there is urine in my protein, ... um I could be having this baby tomorrow night or Saturday. Or Monday. If there isn't urine, I could be having this baby anytime even still.

Yup, things they are a changing!

The Scale

I wake up on Dr. appointment days and think, 'what should I wear today? What will make me weigh the least amount on the dr. scale?'
Am I the only one who does this? I hate it. Last week marked a 40 lb. weight gain. What scares me so badly is that I've taken some food liberties, but not very many. It's not like I can point to eating tons of bad food, it's just been creeping up over the last 6 months or so. I didn't gain much weight at first, but now I feel like it just goes up and up!
I'm almost excited for next week because I can schedule a morning appointment and I won't have breakfast and lunch in my stomach 'weighting' me down. (pun).

But here I go, today is 38 weeks, 3 days. Will I be checked for dilation? I don't know. But I'm anxious to get things moving, although I'm still at work until Friday.

OH, and one more new symptom (not to complain, but to document).
I snore now!
Did this happen to anyone else? It's been about the last week and it's terrible! I never used to snore and I would make fun of my husband for snoring so much. But now I don't have a leg to stand on.
Are there any remedies? If you started snoring while pregnant, did it go away?

anticipation!

Really, everyting in my mind is revolving around this little one coming. We went to BRU today to pick up a few last things from our registry that we didn't get (but we had gift cards and coupons).
So now I think we're set.
But the problem is, I have no idea what we will really need. In the real world of being parents, I don't know how many onesies I'll need, how many wash clothes, how many pacifiers...you get the idea.
I just feel like I'm on the cusp of so many changes that I can hardly stand it.
What I know for sure:
God is good. Even when times are rough. Things can change in an instant.
My Dh is really the best guy I know.
I have no control over anything.
Lord Willing: I have one more week of work and then the baby can come (and if she comes earlier, I'm down! - today is 38 weeks!)
There are a lot of things I don't know and I'm getting ready for a crash course.

I'm off to continue my thank you notes from our showers and to read about nipple confusion. Enjoy your Sunday evening!

Can I make it?

Two more weeks of work. Three weeks until due date.
I had a week off for Easter Break that ends tonight.
I will have to wear flip flops for the last two weeks of work, my feet are perma-swollen.
I played my last church service without child today. I didn't even get emotional.

I may find myself asking to be let out of work earlier than I had planned. It depends on how this week goes I suppose. But when I go out has nothing to do with when I go back as Summer Break starts super early for us this year (well for us in So. Cal). We're out June 3rd where other districts out here are in school until June 24th.

Baby where are you!? Are you in there? I'm torn between wanting you out and wanting you to cook for another 3 weeks.
3 Weeks! That's all we have left! Today is 37 weeks. Yes, I'm feeling antsy. Soon I will be nesting!

Spring Break

I haven't posted because we've been busy! Today is the last day of Spring Break from work and it's been lovely, but we've definately been busy! Some good, some very sad, but very busy.

First, is that my Uncle died last week. He had cancer for the last 3 years and it was expected, but when a 52 year old police Sherriff who other than the cancer is very healthy dies, it's a tough pill to swallow.
The neat thing is that by all accounts he really accepted the Lord in his life before he died and there is confidence about where he is now.
The hard thing is that he had 5 children, 7 grandchildren and died the day after his 34th wedding anniversary.
So the funeral was last Saturday and it was awesome. There were over 100 uniformed officers who gave a salute to the casket and family as we walked out. Also, since he ended his career on the search and rescue air support division, at the graveside service there was a 5 helicopter fly by that was so touching I am welling up with tears right now just remembering it. It's a beautiful thing to celebrate a life like that.
But then, being 36 weeks pregnant, I was a blubbering mess for the entire cermony. No person likes a funeral, but being that I cry at EVERYTHING, I didn't stand a chance. I even brought in a water bottle and extra tissues because I knew I would be crying the whole time. It was a beautiful service.

Then Easter was Sunday and the whole family got together the next day. It was nice, because we got to rehash the beautiful cermony, but it's so hard that both my grandparents are still alive and watching someone lose their son...especially your Grandfather...geez.

Okay, on to some of the happier times...
I think DH and I just kept putting things off saying, we'll get that done over Spring Break, and now we feel like, man, if we don't do this now than we're not gonna get this done before baby girl comes.
So, it started with the nursery closet. It was a standard reach in closet of the 80s before DH got his hands on it. But he took all that out and put in the white wire stuff that you can get at hom.e depot. He did a fabulous job. Now, all the baby's clothes are hung and it's all well organized. That took about another day. Just spending time in the nursery figuring out where everything goes.
But then we realized that the master closet should be redone the same way to make more room. And true confession, until now, we haven't shared a closet. Anyone want to admit to that? We've been married for over 4 years and my husband has had all his clothes in the guest room. Now he volunteered for this, but since we have 3 bedroom house and it's been just the two of us, why bother smushing all our stuff together? Well now as I lie on the couch with my swollen feet up, he's finishing the master closet so we can share. I just hope I can keep in cleen enough for him now that we're sharing! No more clothes on the floor!

And then tomorrow is our last shower. It should be a nice time, it's being put on by the ladies at church, and I'm grateful. Then Sunday will actually be my last time playing in the band before the baby is born. It's just getting too awkward to play the guitar. It has rotated all the way to my side because my belly is so big. So I'm thinking it'll be the end of may before I play in the band again.

Then two more weeks of work (if I make it that long) before Maternity leave. Um, yikes. This is for real.
I have more to post, but I am feeling like this is a looooong post already, and most of you probably quit a while ago, but if you made it this far, thanks!
Happy April,
Courtney

The Neatest Feeling

I'm sitting in my classroom entering grades. The students left about 25 minutes ago and I'm all alone.
But then my baby kicks me. And I'm realizing, I'm actually not alone. There's another heartbeat in this room.
She's at the moment kicking me in two places. I'm imagining that she's upside down and her hands are pushing out below my belly button and her feet are kicking me under my boobs. She's trying her 'Kraw Ma-Ga" (or however you spell that) out on me.
I swear you guys, this is the coolest feeling.

Dr. Report

Glory to God, we've got a healthy lookin' baby in there!
We went to the perinatologist today and both the ultrasound tech and the Dr. confirmed that the baby is big.
The brain symmetry is just what they like to see, no signs of hydrocephalus.
I wanted to cry just from the relief. I do believe a few happy tears squeaked out. Thank you everyone who prayed.
I've been trying so hard not to be worried about this dr. appointment that I now feel so relieved. I know anything can still happen, but I'm still trying to choose optimism about all things, not just this one instance of fear.
So now I can be optimistic about our baby shower this coming saturday. My mom and SIL are throwing it, and I'm very excited. My mom is so excited, I just talked to her and she was saying that she actually feels more excited about this shower than when it was her own baby. It's fun to see her so excited.
I'll post more soon, I'm just so grateful for our good news and I continually pray for you ladies and your families, present and future.

I choose Optimisim

I haven't posted much lately, because frankly there isn't much to post about. DH and I are feeling much more positive about our appointments tomorrow and Friday. This baby is an answer to prayer and no matter what the outcome, she is the baby we are meant to have, so we're really excited to see what the Lord has in store for her and us. Also, being postive is much more enjoyable than being sad.
That beings said, yesterday evening was tough. I am in the midst of so many changes in life (my uncle is really sick, one of my good friends is really sick, I have been laid off from my teaching job next year, plus the baby's head issue...) that I got kinda down on myself. I was at band practice for church last night and driving home, I was just so frustrated.
How awesome is my DH? I got home and he was working on a home improvement project. He asked what I needed and I replied a diet coke, so off to mcd.onalds we went (it's still weird not having soda in the house these days, but besides my lapse last night, there has been very little diet coke in my life these last few months...the things we do for babies!). Well I think the baby liked the splash of diet coke (and a vanilla cone) because I only got up one time to go to the bathroom last night.
For those of you in late pregnancy, you can appriciate how spectacular that is. I slept for almost 4 hours without getting up to urinate. I have so much more energy this morning and I'm so much more full of optimisim! I haven't slept well for a week or so, and ... well, I now can say I have an idea of how much sleep really matters, which of course scares me for the journey to come of breast feeding in the middle of the night. Yikes! A journey I'm glad to take, but well aware of how hard it will be to not sleep for long periods of time.

And then tonight is our first prepared childbirth class at the hospital. I am really excited, but I think it's funny that we have to bring a blanket and pillows. I'm flashing to the scene in the movie summ.er school where the pregnant teenager makes her teacher go to lamaze with her and they carry in all the pillows. Random, but that's in my head.

At least I get to take tomorrow and Friday off from work for these appointments. Keep those prayers coming, and thank you for those of you who have been thinking of us and our little one. I'll update when i know more. Enjoy the rest of the week!

waiting waiting waiting

The next appointment the Fetal Diagnostics center has is next Thurday, the 25th. So I'm going in for the ultrasound then. I believe I'm meeting with the perinatologist as well, but when being told of the appointment they didn't mention seeing that doctor. Will the Peri do the ultrasound? Besides my fabulous IVF doctor, I haven't had an actual doctor perform an ultrasound this whole pregnancy. Just the Ultrasound techs who have been nice, but they're not doctors, so they don't discuss the results.
Then the next day, Friday, I have a follow up appointment with my regular OB.
So now...I wait?
I have looked up so much information on Hydrocephalus that's it's crazy. That's the fancy term for water on the brain. What I am shocked by, is the amount of babies born with this. Across the board the numbers seem to be between 1 in 3000 babies and 1 in 500 babies. All the statistics lie between those numbers.
Um, that is a very frequent issue. So why do my baby books say nothing about it, other than that a amniocentecis can detect it? The books don't even explain what it is.

This has been a hard couple of days. I have less than 7 weeks left until my due date, but I'm feeling like I'm in the ultimate 2ww to find out if I'm pregnant. I'm dreaming about it.
When anyone has asked me in the last two days how I'm feeling or how I'm doing, I find it really hard to answer that question. I am feeling like God is good, but that I'm in the desert place, or the road marked with suffering. I feel robbed of the joy of pregnancy. Even right now, she's moving around inside me, and I just can't help but think how could there be something wrong with her?

But to end with some positivity, because Lord knows we need it (really, He does!), it's that all of this is in God's hands, and I know that this little girl is exactly the baby I'm supposed to have. I get to be her mommy, and I look forward to holding her and again, have I mentioned that DH has a huge head? Really, we measured last night. It's big! Maybe this is how we can be sure that our IVF clinic used the correct embryo's. Definately our child.

Thanks for your prayers, and I'm still coveting them from you. May we all be blessed with happy, healthy children!

Not so Great

So I met with dr. Tata's yesterday. She said the baby's head is measuring big. I had the most recent ultrasound at 32 weeks and she said the head was measuring 35-36 weeks.
This could be very bad. Water on the brain.
This could be nothing. Just a big noggin.
But she's sending me to a high risk ob for a level 2 ultrasound.
There were lots of tears last night, and it was one of the most sleepless nights I've had. DH was great and feels the same way I do...scared but still holding out hope. DH does have a large head. At the optomitrists office he can only pick from a few types of glasses because they don't make them in his size.
We don't want to tell anyone IRL until we have something to share, but I'm supposed to have my high risk appointment this week - it's just that it was 5:30 by the time I left Dr. TaTa's office so the other office was already closed.
Would you pray for me family? It's weird to be so close and having a shower in a few weeks, but then thinking that the worst case scenario really is a worst case scenario.
My heart is heavy.

33 Weeks

Yesterday I was asked if I'm getting nervous about labor.
My truthful answer: No.
Then I thought, shouldn't I be getting nervous? And really my answer is No. Then I realized why. I'm just now getting used to the idea that there will actually be a baby in my arms very soon (Lord Willing of course), and my nervousness that something will happen is finally decreasing, so for me to be worried about birth...ha.
Now, I realized I just laughed at the birthing process. That is not my intention. I am not taking birthing lightly, I have a general idea of what I hope will happen and many all-to-realistic ideas of what could possibly happen, but since I haven't been through it, I don't know what to worry about, so for birth, ... I'm not ready to worry about it yet. Just thrilled to be 33 weeks with child.

But the swelling...it has commenced. Friday I noticed my feet were swollen. Today, my hands were swollen...When did you ladies start swelling or did you manage to avoid it?

Also, My dad bought us the crib we registered for at BRU and Dh put it together on Friday. Yup, we are getting close. This is starting to feel real! I even practiced swaddling my old cabag.e patch doll (Freddie 2 is his legal name) because...this is real!

Am I in disbelief? Yes, I think I am. My mom and SIL are throwing me a shower on the 28th of March. That date used to feel so far away, but now...it's coming!

Tomorrow is my next Dr. appointment, every two weeks, here they come!

Take care ladies!

Every day is one day closer...

I had another ultrasound last Thursday. The tech isn't the nicest of tech's (She won't let you look at the monitor with her, she has to look at everything and then she moves it just a few times to show you a few things, but then she moves it back so you can't see it from the table), but I sweet talked to her and got her to give me the weight estimate.
She is estimating that the baby is 4 1/2 lbs + or - a lb. So that means our baby girl is between 3 1/2 to 5 1/2 lbs.
What I keep thinking is how the estimate of baby weight on ultrasounds seems to be the most inaccurate part of ultrasounds. Am I right? It seems like the ultrasound will show the baby is 10 pounds and then upon delivery the baby is 7 pounds. Or something like that. So I'm just excited that she's still growing and things seems to look good (since I haven't heard anything I'm assuming all is normal). My next appointment is Monday 15th, and I'm ready.
When do I have to start getting undressed again? It's the weirdest thing, since 9 weeks (the first appoinment with the OB) I haven't had to get naked. But I know it's coming.
For all of you out there, when should I start to expect more 'personal' checkups?

I am tinkering with the idea of maternity leave. If I get laid off this year, I may start earlier maternity leave as my sick days could get lost in space if I don't use them. We'll see.

Here's to May 2nd! Due date coming soon! Praise Jesus!

31 weeks

Yesterday I had another OB checkup. We waited for an hour for a 3 minute visit. But as my husband reminded me, that means everything is looking good.
We got all the test results back and I'm negative for all indicators of pre-eclampsia. My BP was the exact same, 129/82. Which could be better, but it's not the scary 150/98 it was a few appointments ago. (hence all the pre-eclampsia testing).
However I'm measuring big (again) and Dr. Tata's is sending me for another ultrasound this week. I suppose it's good to keep tabs on the size of the baby, (I do have to push her out after all) but I just had an ultrasound to check if there was a problem since I was measuring big and there wasn't. I'm just measuring big (due to my previously existing belly fluff/fat).
So it's a good thing that I'll get to see her again, I feel like I'm in the stone ages, going to a practice that doesn't have access to ultrasounds in the office. Is that weird or is that just me? So I will see an ultrasound tech on Thursday (and I have to take a day off to do that since they schedule their appoinments in the morning).
Then next week I'm meeting with the dermatoligist, but the ring-worm-esk looking things are better, so I almost wonder if I still need to keep that appointment and a 30 dollar co-pay. Thoughts?
Then it seems that we're entering the 2 week appointment window. My next appointment with the Dr. is March 15th. It's crazy that this is coming up so soon.
So Praise Jesus that all is looking well, and I'm at t-minus 9 weeks and counting for this little one. Amen!

When will you tell?

A question has been going through my mind for months now.
When will I tell my daughter how she was conceived?
Does it matter? Will she feel differently about herself if she learned she was not conceived in the "typical" way?
There are people who are very open with their children (and friends and family) about IVF. I applaud this. Why not share the story and educate people?
There are people who are tight-lipped about IVF. Sometimes family members don't even know that they went through this process. I understand that too. Usually we don't talk about where and when we conceived our children. You lose a lot of privacy through this process and I can understand wanting to keep things as private as possible.
The other factor...I don't know when I was conceived. I never asked. One time I counted and found that it's possible I was a 'valentines' baby, but I really don't want to know. So maybe she'll never ask.
But, so many people in our lives know that it's hard to imagine keeping a lid on things...
So my question you ladies out there, is will you tell your children? Are you planning on getting a t-shirt that says "I'm going to be a Reproductive Endocrinoligst when I grow up" (which I think is cute), or are you going to assume that your children will never ask?

I also have this opinion...it doesn't matter. I have a miracle growing in my belly and how she got there is moot. God gave her to us and I'm thrilled. But I am curious...when will you tell?

29 weeks

Wednesday was our most recent Dr. appointment. Dr. Ta ta's didn't fail to live up to her name, it's funny.
All my tests have come back clear, but they ran the wrong test on my urine so I have to do the 24 hours urine collection again.
I'd rather give blood every day for a week than do that again, but I don't see what choice I have. The baby is totally worth it. But yuck.
Also, the Dr. didn't know what to make of my ring worm, she doesn't think it's ringworm, so she's sending me to the dermatologist. I've never been there before. What will that be like? I need to make an appointment for hopefully this week, as there are only 11 more weeks in this pregnancy.
What!? 11 more weeks? This is crazy. According to my books, she is between 15-17 inches and 2.5 to 3 pounds.
Dr. Ta ta's had looked at our most recent ultrasound and she said everything looked good. That's really encouraging.

So yesterday we had a garage sale to get rid of some junk that's in the baby's room and in the room that will be the guest room. We moved our desk out to the den and it feels like we're really making some progress. I still feel like this isnt actually happening to me. I felt the same way when DH and I were engaged. Did I really have a finace? Right now it's, 'Am I really going to be a mom'? I'm super excited, but I feel like these 11 weeks mean so much. I have to continue working for hopefully another 10, and I want to pack up my room before the end of the year since I"ll be moving schools next year.
Anyway, we're getting ready for this baby girl. It's amazing how many people are excited for her. She's the first grandchild for all of our parents. No one knows quite what to make of it, but we're thrilled.
The Lord is good in the good times and bad.

Happy President's/Valentines/Chinese New Year to all! Gung Yeh Fat Choy! (did I spell that right?)

Ring Worm

under my boob.
How do you get ringworm underneath your boob?
So I showed the pharmacist (who had a rockin' tom sell.eck type mustach, and was very much an asian woman) and she said 'yup, that's ringworm. But you have to keep it from being moist". How do I keep the area directly underneath my boob from being moist? They're growing so big these days (not bragging) that the boob is finally resting on my chest!
I asked Dr. Google and my what to expect books, and lot.rimin is safe in the second and third trimesters...but really? Ringworm?
Any suggestions? Besides bleach? I don't think that would be good right now.

Appointments, Appointments

So last thursday I did the glucose. Still haven't heard back, so I figure that's a good thing, right? Wouldn't that be a huge liability if they knew I had the 'beatus and didn't tell me for two weeks?
At the same time they also took lots of other vials of blood for things I don't quite know but were ordered by my doctor for the high blood pressure.
Then all day sunday I had to go #1 in a jug. It was tough but the lab gave me a little funnel like device that was helpful, so I am grateful that was over. I went to the lab yesterday before work and had to wait (with my jug 'o #1 sitting next me) because they wanted to take more of my blood. Wowza.
Then today, I get to see our little girl again, as we have th ultrasound for dating/sizing purposes. I am going to be very turgid for this appointment as there is water involved again - but I think that means they'll check my cervix, right? So I'm always up for being informed.
Then finally, next Wednesday is the meeting back with Dr. Ta ta's so that she can look at all of the results from these tests.

And on a completely unrelated note, one of my high school students asked me today how long it was before I knew I was pregnant. She herself has a 3 month old boy at home. Before you go shaking your head at children having children, just know that teaching the teen-moms is the best part of teaching at continuation school. Teaching kids that just got released from jail for beating someone up or selling drugs, not so much fun. So you guys should've seen the look on her face when I told her that we tried for 3 years to get pg. I left out the IVF part as they don't need to know that, but the idea that it might actually be hard to get pregnant is so far out of out their reach that it's almost comical.

But again, would I want to be a teen mom? Heck no. I love the journey God has put me on, as hard as it is sometimes to understand, but I'm just grateful for the 27 weeks I've had with this little one inside me.

pictures

Okay, so I've been lax about taking pictures. It's not that I'm not happy too, but again, you plus size girls know what I'm talking about. The weekly shots aren't as dramatic, so I'll give you the greatest hits...

The one above is the day after the positive pregnancy test... what a great day. So that's week 4

The one above is week 16 (I think). It was obviously a not planned shot, but DH encouraged me. Yeah for 16 weeks!

This one is from this morning. So it's 26 weeks. Sorry about the messy bathroom camera. Okay, so here's the thing. I think I look rediculously pregnant. But I haven't gotten too many strangers agreeing. Yesterday I went to the dentist (no cavities! Just bleeding gums) and when I told the hygenist, she acted surprised! So let's take a poll - Pregnant or fat? actually, I take that back, the only answer I want is pregnant, so I should stick with that. Ha.

Also, I took work off today (horray!) so that I could do the glucose test (yucky). I suppose I'll hear in a few days if it's bad and if it's fine then I'll hear at our next appointment in a few weeks. Sunday I'm going to do the 24 hours urine collection test (BOOOOOO!). I got this really neat seat and jug. And the jug has to stay in the fridge between usages. Pretty gnarly. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

Thursday is almost the weekend, Glory to God!

Dr. Ta ta's

So I met the new Doctor. And while the nickname for her may or may not be appropriate in your mind, it is with my husband and I. First of all, her name isn't too far away from that. Second, she just had a baby girl 3 months ago. Third, she wore a dress yesterday at our appointment that left nothing in the general 'chestical' region to be desired.
And I liked her for it.
Not because she had saggy mom boobs, but because I believe she's gonna be a good doctor.
Compared to our first doctor (who once wore his belt inside out and constantly wore winnie the po.o ties), she was way on the ball.
But, the appointment was not all giggles. Here's what we found.
My blood pressure is high. We took it 3 times and while the diastolic finally changed back to a good number, the first one did not. So the doctor is sending me for a 24 hour urine test. I have yet to ask Dr. Google what this means, have any of you ladies had this done? Something about peeing in cups all day was brought to my attention.
The second thing we found was that I am measuring big. I am currently 25 weeks and I measured 28 yesterday. Now this is a 3 1/2 centemeter difference, but apparently when you measure uteri with a measuring tape all day you're pretty good at this. But my big question is, that pre pregnancy/post 3 years of ttc, I have a nice fluffy fat layer on my stomach (and I'm not being cute, I really do), so doesn't that affect things? But then again, Dr. Winnie the p.oo always measured me and never found that I was measuring big, so may Dr. Ta Ta's is right. BUT, reason why we like Dr. Ta Ta's is that she's being proactive and sending me for an ultrasound to check the size of the baby.

Which leads me to my next question:
Since we did IVF, and I know exactly when we transferred the embryo's, doesn't that mean that we know for a fact within 5 days of when the embryo implanted? So I suppose it will tell us if the baby is growing too big (I'm also due for the glucose test next week), but it seems like measuring for the due date is silly. But I know she's just measuring for the general size of the baby.

So yeah, it was a big day. I'm not too worried, but then again, I haven't asked Dr. Google yet, so maybe I should just chill and not do that yet.
I'll post more when I know more, but if you have any info about the urine/bp test or anything else you think is helpful, let me know!

Happy Rainy Thursday to you!

Thankful to be emotional

My last Dr. appointment was the Monday before Christmas. Tomorrow was supposed to be the next Dr. appointment, but with a new doctor in his practice because we're not huge fans of our first Doc.
Then I get a call today that our appointment for tomorrow has to be rescheduled. I didn't get a reason why, but I'd like to think that it's because she's giving excellent attention to a woman having last minute c-section or something that I would want her to do for me.
But I can't get another afternoon appointment until NEXT Tuesday. Now, it's not as bad as the first trimester, because at least now I can feel her move and all that goodness, but I just haven't felt much support from this dr's office. I am hoping that it was just the first doctor and that this new doctor is great, but this is a bad way to start.
Maybe it's because I feel like I have learned way more from books and blogs online (thats you ladies!) than I have from my doctor. If that was the only information I was getting, I would have no clue about what I should be expecting and what is happening to my body.
So I called back just now and left a message that I'll take a day off if I need to in order to get a sooner appointment. DH agrees. We just want to be proactive here, and make sure things are still going okay.

And as a side note, I had 3 major emotional attacks (read: ugly crying) over nothing from Friday night to Saturday. Is this what I have to look forward to? It just felt so good to cry. And even a rescheduled doctors appointment has made me want to cry! These hormones are for the birds (or the babies apparently).

Here we go again! Thankful to be emotional, but emotional about it!

Things that make me smile

I saw this on another blog and thought I'd give it a try. These are the things this week that have made me smile (in no particular order):

~Feeling my baby move.

~Having today be a student-free day at work.

~Drinking a Green-tea Latte (non-fat) from Starbucks

~Band Practice

~Watching the tough electric guitarist in my church band get slightly jiggy with it when the black eyed peas song "I gotta feeling" came on.

~Waking up next to my favorite person in the world

~My dogs Gipper and Nancy. Especially when Nancy goes to plaid (read: is a spazz)

~Thinking about the pre-natal massage I have scheduled for 5:00PM today using some of my birthday money.

~Knowing that Monday is a holiday and I get another day off. This is a good time of year to be a teacher.

~Watching Barney on Ho'w I met your mother sing a song about suits. (anybody?)

~Making a deeper connection with a friend at Bible study.

~Using my new washer and dryer.


What has made you happy this week?

Day Care

This is not about the great debate - stay at home, work out of the house.... It's about finances.
There are some realities in my world. Regardless of my preference, I will be going back to work in the fall.
This really is good timing to be pregnant though, for a teacher. I get to have the baby in May and then have two full months off without missing work (but remember, teachers don't get paid for summer!) but then mid-august, I'm going back. Here is my debate.
Full time?
Part time?
You'd think this would be an easy answer, but it's not.
You want some numbers? I'll give you numbers.
My district is amazing. They have a day care center that runs concurrent with the school year calendar, so you're not paying for days that you aren't working. HOWEVER, they insist that everyone is enrolled 5 days a week for a full day each day. So that means that even if I have a 60% job contract that I will be paying for a 100% daycare. HOw much is that said day care? 51 dollars per day. Each month has varying amounts of work days depending on holidays, but that means that some months have 23 work days in it. Do your own math to find that this is a LOT of money. So if I work part time, then a huge chunk of my paycheck is going to day care that I wouldn't even be using all of! I'd work say from 8-12, but be paying for day care from 7-4.
Strike that idea.
Option 2, work full time. Yes, daycare would be a big expense, but we would certainly be able to afford it if I was full time. But then from 7-4, I am away from baby girl awesomeness. And tired when I got home. And not excited about cleaning/cooking/running to the grocery store - but I would have a good attitude that this is only temporary and an AMAZING problem to have.
Option 3 - work either full or part time and try to work our moms into sharing duty of watching the baby. My mom just decided last week that she is going to retire from teaching. She is an amazing woman but I feel like it's not fair. It's a huge burden to put on her, so we are thinking about sharing that with DH's mom. But DH's mom is not so much in good health. She would be fine watching an infant, but as soon as we had a mobile human on our hands, there really is some legitiment cause for concern.
PLUS, (some of you may hate me for saying this), but if I work full time and then the grandma's watch the baby, I think I feel like I'm not actually raising the kid. It's one thing to be part time, and have grandma's watch baby, but to be full time, that's about 9 hours a day that this child is going to get to bond with them and not me. So do you know what's in my heart of hearts? If i were to work full time, I would want the child in the day care. I feel like it's more reliable, it's not as big of a burden on the grandparents, so they would be more willing to watch the baby at other times (like for fabulous weekend get away trips with DH later on, or just date nights...). But working part time I wouldn't mind them watching the baby. Asking for 4 hours is different than asking for 9 hours.

This is our new debate. This is a wonderful problem to have, and I have not lost perspective of this. This baby girl has lots of people clammering to watch her. Everyone is ready to love her. But I hate my reality of having to work. But that's not something to lament. I'm just glad we have the options God has given us, and we're thinking that this is totally going to be worth it. I'm so ready to meet this little girl (but of course, hopefully not for at least 14-16 more weeks!).

If you made it this far reading, than you deserve a treat. Go do yourself a solid for me.

I feel her!

So I think it's fair to say that as of New Year's Eve, I feel her move!
I don't feel it the way I thought it would be, but there is a fairly consisten feeling in my belly. The best one is when it feels like my eye is twitching, but it's inside my abdomen. Is that what you feel too?
There's another feeling, it's almost painful, kind of like an internal tickle. I'm writing that one down as movement too.
This is a precarious place. Because on Sunday, we'll be 24 weeks. Now, what is the significance of 24 weeks? I know all y'all know, but incase you don't, 24 weeks is that magic viability week. It doesn't mean happy endings for all, but it means there's at least a chance of a happy ending. Now, I really want this baby girl to stick around my uterus (or the chateau as my DH calls it) for another 16 weeks and 3 days, just so that she'll be super-duper ready for the world, but since there are no guarantees in life, I'll just accept that we're getting close to the place where there's a chance that she'll make it.
So we have baby movement and 24 weeks. You're looking at a very happy woman over here.
Not to mention that it's supposed to be 75 degrees today and while all the snow looks like fun in the rest of the country, I'm very happy to take my warm weather and enjoy the final college bowl game at the Rosebowl this evening after band practice.
Was that bragging? I didn't mean to. I just pay so much for my mortage that anytime I can remember why So. cal is so pickin' expensive and it's worth it, I try to focus on that. And there will be another post shortly about the cost of day care...so ...there.

So far, so good, and Glory to God for it all.