Wednesday, February 24, 2010

When will you tell?

A question has been going through my mind for months now.
When will I tell my daughter how she was conceived?
Does it matter? Will she feel differently about herself if she learned she was not conceived in the "typical" way?
There are people who are very open with their children (and friends and family) about IVF. I applaud this. Why not share the story and educate people?
There are people who are tight-lipped about IVF. Sometimes family members don't even know that they went through this process. I understand that too. Usually we don't talk about where and when we conceived our children. You lose a lot of privacy through this process and I can understand wanting to keep things as private as possible.
The other factor...I don't know when I was conceived. I never asked. One time I counted and found that it's possible I was a 'valentines' baby, but I really don't want to know. So maybe she'll never ask.
But, so many people in our lives know that it's hard to imagine keeping a lid on things...
So my question you ladies out there, is will you tell your children? Are you planning on getting a t-shirt that says "I'm going to be a Reproductive Endocrinoligst when I grow up" (which I think is cute), or are you going to assume that your children will never ask?

I also have this opinion...it doesn't matter. I have a miracle growing in my belly and how she got there is moot. God gave her to us and I'm thrilled. But I am curious...when will you tell?

8 comments:

Alex and Jill said...

Alex and I have talked about this from the beginning. We have the little dish that Amelia grew in at the lab...it's in her baby book. (LOL) So needless to say, we'll be one of those families that is very open about it. Alex says that we will drive by the clinic and tell her "that's where you were conceived!" HA! Not sure how we'll tell her, but she'll definitely know that she's our miracle baby! :)

PJ said...

I think we'll be pretty open about it, although honestly we haven't even discussed it. I think it will be important for them to know how much they were fought for and how deeply we wanted them. I also think it's part of their medical history, so they might need to know on that side. The trick will be finding the right time, like when would they fully be able to fully grasp that information.

Ashley said...

We're doing an embryo adoption and plan on being completely honest and open with any children we have. I'm not sure at what point we'll give them all the gory details but I hope to have several children's books that will at least introduce the concept of adoption to them. I know it's a little different than IVF but they were still conceived the same way. I think the most important thing is to not try to hide it from them so that they think it's something to be ashamed of.

Lisa said...

I will tell when Chloe Jo asks where babies come from. She'll be young and won't understand, but at least I can start the process of telling her then. I'm going to be completely open with her about it because I want her to know how much we wanted her and love her.

Samantha02 said...

When I do eventually get to the point where I am able to tell my child how they were conceived, I believe that I will. I will give age- appropiate information starting at about 4 years of age. I do think it is slightly different for us as a lesbian couple, but I believe that the more open you are from the beginning the more comfortable the child will be with it.

We're Expecting! said...

Hey! I'm planning on working until she arrives. I just want my 12 weeks of leave to go through the end of the school year. I do not want to go back until the next school year starts in August. I know what you mean about not sleeping well. I don't sleep well at all. By the end of the week, I'm exhausted and have little patience at work. But I'm making it! :) I would rather have days off with Stella instead of days off at home before she arrives. :)

Jersey Beth said...

Interesting question. I don't think I will tell. Not because I am ashamed in any way, but because really, why would he/she ever ask? I can understand discussing the birth, but I have never wondered at my own conception. If the subject comes up at any time, I will be honest. Otherwise, I'll keep in on a need-to-know level.

kim_brough said...

Eee, I'd be glad to know I was conceived via IVF instead of the 'ole fashioned' way. I think you will know when the time is right to tell her. It's not like you stole her from the mall. :-)