Wednesday, March 17, 2010

waiting waiting waiting

The next appointment the Fetal Diagnostics center has is next Thurday, the 25th. So I'm going in for the ultrasound then. I believe I'm meeting with the perinatologist as well, but when being told of the appointment they didn't mention seeing that doctor. Will the Peri do the ultrasound? Besides my fabulous IVF doctor, I haven't had an actual doctor perform an ultrasound this whole pregnancy. Just the Ultrasound techs who have been nice, but they're not doctors, so they don't discuss the results.
Then the next day, Friday, I have a follow up appointment with my regular OB.
So now...I wait?
I have looked up so much information on Hydrocephalus that's it's crazy. That's the fancy term for water on the brain. What I am shocked by, is the amount of babies born with this. Across the board the numbers seem to be between 1 in 3000 babies and 1 in 500 babies. All the statistics lie between those numbers.
Um, that is a very frequent issue. So why do my baby books say nothing about it, other than that a amniocentecis can detect it? The books don't even explain what it is.

This has been a hard couple of days. I have less than 7 weeks left until my due date, but I'm feeling like I'm in the ultimate 2ww to find out if I'm pregnant. I'm dreaming about it.
When anyone has asked me in the last two days how I'm feeling or how I'm doing, I find it really hard to answer that question. I am feeling like God is good, but that I'm in the desert place, or the road marked with suffering. I feel robbed of the joy of pregnancy. Even right now, she's moving around inside me, and I just can't help but think how could there be something wrong with her?

But to end with some positivity, because Lord knows we need it (really, He does!), it's that all of this is in God's hands, and I know that this little girl is exactly the baby I'm supposed to have. I get to be her mommy, and I look forward to holding her and again, have I mentioned that DH has a huge head? Really, we measured last night. It's big! Maybe this is how we can be sure that our IVF clinic used the correct embryo's. Definately our child.

Thanks for your prayers, and I'm still coveting them from you. May we all be blessed with happy, healthy children!


PJ said...

Oh, that sounds so stressful. My heart goes out to you.

Hopefully you've just got one with a big head to hold lots of brains - meaning you've got a genius in there. :)

I'm amazed lately in reading about the things that can crop up in the 3rd trimester.

Sayin' a prayer.

who said life is fair said...

sorry for the stress. just remind yourself that it could be nothing.

my last u/s the doc at the radiology place scared me by telling me my LO was SMALL.

i'll be thinking of you for a great appt on the 25th. hang in there!!

story said...

人生有如洶湧的波濤,如果沒有岩石的阻擋,怎能激起美麗的浪花? ..................................................

Marcia said...

I'm sorry you have this stress, but want to encourage you (and with all the research you've done on hydrocephalus you probably know this already), but a child with hydrocephalus can be ok. I know this from personal experience of fostering a child who has it. In her case, it didn't present until she was two months old, when she had a seizure. Now she has a VP shunt (had to be revised one time) and is a normal, happy, healthy child! Nevertheless, I hope you're next appointment brings good news of normal development!