The Neatest Feeling

I'm sitting in my classroom entering grades. The students left about 25 minutes ago and I'm all alone.
But then my baby kicks me. And I'm realizing, I'm actually not alone. There's another heartbeat in this room.
She's at the moment kicking me in two places. I'm imagining that she's upside down and her hands are pushing out below my belly button and her feet are kicking me under my boobs. She's trying her 'Kraw Ma-Ga" (or however you spell that) out on me.
I swear you guys, this is the coolest feeling.

Dr. Report

Glory to God, we've got a healthy lookin' baby in there!
We went to the perinatologist today and both the ultrasound tech and the Dr. confirmed that the baby is big.
The brain symmetry is just what they like to see, no signs of hydrocephalus.
I wanted to cry just from the relief. I do believe a few happy tears squeaked out. Thank you everyone who prayed.
I've been trying so hard not to be worried about this dr. appointment that I now feel so relieved. I know anything can still happen, but I'm still trying to choose optimism about all things, not just this one instance of fear.
So now I can be optimistic about our baby shower this coming saturday. My mom and SIL are throwing it, and I'm very excited. My mom is so excited, I just talked to her and she was saying that she actually feels more excited about this shower than when it was her own baby. It's fun to see her so excited.
I'll post more soon, I'm just so grateful for our good news and I continually pray for you ladies and your families, present and future.

I choose Optimisim

I haven't posted much lately, because frankly there isn't much to post about. DH and I are feeling much more positive about our appointments tomorrow and Friday. This baby is an answer to prayer and no matter what the outcome, she is the baby we are meant to have, so we're really excited to see what the Lord has in store for her and us. Also, being postive is much more enjoyable than being sad.
That beings said, yesterday evening was tough. I am in the midst of so many changes in life (my uncle is really sick, one of my good friends is really sick, I have been laid off from my teaching job next year, plus the baby's head issue...) that I got kinda down on myself. I was at band practice for church last night and driving home, I was just so frustrated.
How awesome is my DH? I got home and he was working on a home improvement project. He asked what I needed and I replied a diet coke, so off to mcd.onalds we went (it's still weird not having soda in the house these days, but besides my lapse last night, there has been very little diet coke in my life these last few months...the things we do for babies!). Well I think the baby liked the splash of diet coke (and a vanilla cone) because I only got up one time to go to the bathroom last night.
For those of you in late pregnancy, you can appriciate how spectacular that is. I slept for almost 4 hours without getting up to urinate. I have so much more energy this morning and I'm so much more full of optimisim! I haven't slept well for a week or so, and ... well, I now can say I have an idea of how much sleep really matters, which of course scares me for the journey to come of breast feeding in the middle of the night. Yikes! A journey I'm glad to take, but well aware of how hard it will be to not sleep for long periods of time.

And then tonight is our first prepared childbirth class at the hospital. I am really excited, but I think it's funny that we have to bring a blanket and pillows. I'm flashing to the scene in the movie summ.er school where the pregnant teenager makes her teacher go to lamaze with her and they carry in all the pillows. Random, but that's in my head.

At least I get to take tomorrow and Friday off from work for these appointments. Keep those prayers coming, and thank you for those of you who have been thinking of us and our little one. I'll update when i know more. Enjoy the rest of the week!

waiting waiting waiting

The next appointment the Fetal Diagnostics center has is next Thurday, the 25th. So I'm going in for the ultrasound then. I believe I'm meeting with the perinatologist as well, but when being told of the appointment they didn't mention seeing that doctor. Will the Peri do the ultrasound? Besides my fabulous IVF doctor, I haven't had an actual doctor perform an ultrasound this whole pregnancy. Just the Ultrasound techs who have been nice, but they're not doctors, so they don't discuss the results.
Then the next day, Friday, I have a follow up appointment with my regular OB.
So now...I wait?
I have looked up so much information on Hydrocephalus that's it's crazy. That's the fancy term for water on the brain. What I am shocked by, is the amount of babies born with this. Across the board the numbers seem to be between 1 in 3000 babies and 1 in 500 babies. All the statistics lie between those numbers.
Um, that is a very frequent issue. So why do my baby books say nothing about it, other than that a amniocentecis can detect it? The books don't even explain what it is.

This has been a hard couple of days. I have less than 7 weeks left until my due date, but I'm feeling like I'm in the ultimate 2ww to find out if I'm pregnant. I'm dreaming about it.
When anyone has asked me in the last two days how I'm feeling or how I'm doing, I find it really hard to answer that question. I am feeling like God is good, but that I'm in the desert place, or the road marked with suffering. I feel robbed of the joy of pregnancy. Even right now, she's moving around inside me, and I just can't help but think how could there be something wrong with her?

But to end with some positivity, because Lord knows we need it (really, He does!), it's that all of this is in God's hands, and I know that this little girl is exactly the baby I'm supposed to have. I get to be her mommy, and I look forward to holding her and again, have I mentioned that DH has a huge head? Really, we measured last night. It's big! Maybe this is how we can be sure that our IVF clinic used the correct embryo's. Definately our child.

Thanks for your prayers, and I'm still coveting them from you. May we all be blessed with happy, healthy children!

Not so Great

So I met with dr. Tata's yesterday. She said the baby's head is measuring big. I had the most recent ultrasound at 32 weeks and she said the head was measuring 35-36 weeks.
This could be very bad. Water on the brain.
This could be nothing. Just a big noggin.
But she's sending me to a high risk ob for a level 2 ultrasound.
There were lots of tears last night, and it was one of the most sleepless nights I've had. DH was great and feels the same way I do...scared but still holding out hope. DH does have a large head. At the optomitrists office he can only pick from a few types of glasses because they don't make them in his size.
We don't want to tell anyone IRL until we have something to share, but I'm supposed to have my high risk appointment this week - it's just that it was 5:30 by the time I left Dr. TaTa's office so the other office was already closed.
Would you pray for me family? It's weird to be so close and having a shower in a few weeks, but then thinking that the worst case scenario really is a worst case scenario.
My heart is heavy.

33 Weeks

Yesterday I was asked if I'm getting nervous about labor.
My truthful answer: No.
Then I thought, shouldn't I be getting nervous? And really my answer is No. Then I realized why. I'm just now getting used to the idea that there will actually be a baby in my arms very soon (Lord Willing of course), and my nervousness that something will happen is finally decreasing, so for me to be worried about birth...ha.
Now, I realized I just laughed at the birthing process. That is not my intention. I am not taking birthing lightly, I have a general idea of what I hope will happen and many all-to-realistic ideas of what could possibly happen, but since I haven't been through it, I don't know what to worry about, so for birth, ... I'm not ready to worry about it yet. Just thrilled to be 33 weeks with child.

But the swelling...it has commenced. Friday I noticed my feet were swollen. Today, my hands were swollen...When did you ladies start swelling or did you manage to avoid it?

Also, My dad bought us the crib we registered for at BRU and Dh put it together on Friday. Yup, we are getting close. This is starting to feel real! I even practiced swaddling my old cabag.e patch doll (Freddie 2 is his legal name) because...this is real!

Am I in disbelief? Yes, I think I am. My mom and SIL are throwing me a shower on the 28th of March. That date used to feel so far away, but now...it's coming!

Tomorrow is my next Dr. appointment, every two weeks, here they come!

Take care ladies!

Every day is one day closer...

I had another ultrasound last Thursday. The tech isn't the nicest of tech's (She won't let you look at the monitor with her, she has to look at everything and then she moves it just a few times to show you a few things, but then she moves it back so you can't see it from the table), but I sweet talked to her and got her to give me the weight estimate.
She is estimating that the baby is 4 1/2 lbs + or - a lb. So that means our baby girl is between 3 1/2 to 5 1/2 lbs.
What I keep thinking is how the estimate of baby weight on ultrasounds seems to be the most inaccurate part of ultrasounds. Am I right? It seems like the ultrasound will show the baby is 10 pounds and then upon delivery the baby is 7 pounds. Or something like that. So I'm just excited that she's still growing and things seems to look good (since I haven't heard anything I'm assuming all is normal). My next appointment is Monday 15th, and I'm ready.
When do I have to start getting undressed again? It's the weirdest thing, since 9 weeks (the first appoinment with the OB) I haven't had to get naked. But I know it's coming.
For all of you out there, when should I start to expect more 'personal' checkups?

I am tinkering with the idea of maternity leave. If I get laid off this year, I may start earlier maternity leave as my sick days could get lost in space if I don't use them. We'll see.

Here's to May 2nd! Due date coming soon! Praise Jesus!

31 weeks

Yesterday I had another OB checkup. We waited for an hour for a 3 minute visit. But as my husband reminded me, that means everything is looking good.
We got all the test results back and I'm negative for all indicators of pre-eclampsia. My BP was the exact same, 129/82. Which could be better, but it's not the scary 150/98 it was a few appointments ago. (hence all the pre-eclampsia testing).
However I'm measuring big (again) and Dr. Tata's is sending me for another ultrasound this week. I suppose it's good to keep tabs on the size of the baby, (I do have to push her out after all) but I just had an ultrasound to check if there was a problem since I was measuring big and there wasn't. I'm just measuring big (due to my previously existing belly fluff/fat).
So it's a good thing that I'll get to see her again, I feel like I'm in the stone ages, going to a practice that doesn't have access to ultrasounds in the office. Is that weird or is that just me? So I will see an ultrasound tech on Thursday (and I have to take a day off to do that since they schedule their appoinments in the morning).
Then next week I'm meeting with the dermatoligist, but the ring-worm-esk looking things are better, so I almost wonder if I still need to keep that appointment and a 30 dollar co-pay. Thoughts?
Then it seems that we're entering the 2 week appointment window. My next appointment with the Dr. is March 15th. It's crazy that this is coming up so soon.
So Praise Jesus that all is looking well, and I'm at t-minus 9 weeks and counting for this little one. Amen!