Monday, April 25, 2011

When to Proceed

In light of our recent loss, I am in a quandry about when to use our frozen embryo's. I don't want to wait too long, but I also am thinking, what if we were able to get pregnant on our own! I feel so encouraged by this recent pregnancy, even if it didn't stick, that I keep thinking maybe it'll just happen. This is how I felt for the first year and a half that we were trying to get PG, but in all that time I had never seen a positive. Then we tried for another year and a half before we were successful.
And then came Macie. She is just the best, most good-natured baby. I had a great weekend with her. We had fun and Easter was great.
And while I'm not complaining, it's just that I have a desire to make Macie into a big sister. So then the question becomes: When?
Do we aim for August? As a teacher, that would be the most ideal time. Or should we try longer? We're not even offically trying now, but of course you all know what that means. It still means hoping and all that jazz.
The other factor is that I have lost about 39 pounds since Jan. 2nd (horray!), but I still have much to loose. I'm beyond the baby weight, but the 3 years of trying did nothing good for my waste-line. It wasn't the IVF, it was all the months of thinking 'maybe I'm pg! I should eat for the good of the baby!'.
So I am stuck. When is the 'right' time to have a baby. If there is something I have learned from infertility is that I have NO control over when I will have a baby. So why am I even asking myself when?
Do any of you have any insight to share? Either your own experiences or friends?


Mel said...

I'll only tell you what I told myself, because I went through these thoughts, too. When God put it upon my heart that I wanted another child and I was ready to go, IT WAS TIME. I never knew so well the meaning of letting the spirit lead me and there was just no question in my mind it was time for us to have a second baby. And it was obviously so because I got pregnant justlikethat. Not that I think it always works out like that, but you can only be still and LISTEN to what he is telling you. I'll be praying for you that you'll know the right answer and that it will come as plain as day.


(and yes, from Tiffany... I bet your necklace is GORGEOUS)

eidegang said...

Hi courtney,
I stumbled across your blog from Jill's. I think that what both you and Mel have said is right. One truth you know is that it's out of your control, and also that God's will, will be done.
We had our first baby, Mafison, after 3 years of trying. Then after a natural pregnancy when Madison was 11 months we were so thrilled thinking we won't need assistance this time. I haven't read far enough back in your blog, but I'm guessing you lost that pregnancy, we did also. We were in such a quandary then about what to do. We didn't have frozen embryos, so we started ivf.
It took 4 iui's, 10 fresh cycles, 4 frozen ( we never had many left to freeze) 5 years & lots & lots of God's grace to welcome our 2nd baby girl last August.
We never would've planned it this way, but one truth God cemented in our hearts was that His timing is perfect always. Will continue to pop over and see how you're going. Praying for His clarity and wisdom.

Blessings, KE