Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Day Care Overreaction?

So many of you know I have been completely spoiled when it came to childcare for my little one while I was at work.  2 days a week my mom would come over and watch Macie, and three days a week, my personal friend with tons of  Nanny experience would come over and watch her.  So yes, this means I didn't have to transport Macie anywhere and she was getting amazing care from wonderful people in my own home.  We paid my friend but my mom didn't want money.
Well, with our impending  arrivial, my friend/nanny needed to find a full time job elsewhere and she did.  She just found it 6 weeks earlier that we would've hoped for.  In no way do we begrudge her, because really, we only paid her 65 dollars a day (a ten dollar raise from last year because we were so happy with how she was caring for Macie), and even though that's a lot for us, that's certainly not enough to live on.  Her new job has benefits, a 401k, and is full time.  Yeah, she pretty much would be crazy not to take it.  Especially since the plan is for me to stop working from March until August.
So that has put us in a bind.  My mom agreed to pick up a 3rd day, so we were looking for someone to watch Macie 2 days a week, preferrably in our home.  We asked DH's mom.  SHe lives 25 minutes away, and has watched Macie a few times.  It has always gone well, but truthfully, I don't trust her completely.  She has Diabetes, is morbidly overweight, and has fallen a few times in the past years.  What helps is that her daughter (my SIL) is 26 and has always come over also to help.  My SIL is diagnosed as 'mildly retarded' and is also extremely overweight, but surprisingly, has excellent common sense (and loves playing with little kids).  She's not stupid by anymeans, but she doesn't drive and isn't going to be able to pass basic classes in college.  So of course you can see that this pair is not idea for watching a high-spririted 20 month old.  HOWEVER, because of our bind, and because they were willing, we asked them to watch Macie.  And last week, they did.  It's only for a total of 5 hours, and they are in our baby-proofed home. 
So we were hopeful this would work until I go on Maternity leave, and then next year, we'll come up with a different solution for the off days my mom doesn't work.
Enter last night.
DH calls his mom to confirm that she's on for tomorrow (today) and Thursday to watch Macie.  She says yes, except that she has also agreed to watch another baby for a friend of hers.  But she wasn't going to tell us.  She was simply going to her her son (my BIL) drive the baby over when the mother dropped her off at 8:30 and then when I get home at 11:30, they'll go back to their house. 

I was shocked.  For lots of reasons.  And I think I over-reacted, but I'm really curious to know what you all would have thought in this situation. 

I'm mostly shocked that this little baby boy's momma is okay with her son being dropped off at one house at 8:30, then driven over to my house, then driven back to his house, all within a 3 hour time period.  I'm shocked that my Mother in Law thought that we shouldn't be consulted regarding something that has to do with the care of our daughter or another baby in our house.  There are all kinds of 'what if's' that pop up in my mind.  What if that baby is sick?  What if one of them gets hurt?  What if my MIL and SIL are underestimating their abilities to watch 2 children at the same time? Etc.

 So last night my mom agreed to watch Macie today (and she is) but tomorrow, DH and I are kind of thinking that we overreacted.  If this other baby's mom is okay with him being driven around and not having stability...then do we have a right to say it?  Am I just mad that decisions about my daughter's care weren't being made by me? (YES!). 

So the plan is to try it tomorrow.  It's 5 hours and in theory only 2 1/2 hours together. 
And yes, it fuels the fire of the stay at home debate, and DH and I are still considering every angle of what it would take for me to stay home.  We're both committed to doing what's best for our family and we both agree that's for me to be home, but we've got debt and as teachers we have to be able to pay for summer (we only get paid 10 months a year, and right now a big part of my  paycheck is saved for that).  So yes, I want to stay home.  But let me ask, for the next 5 weeks...if you were in my situation,
What Would You Do?


Jackie said...

Pray for solution of God's making.
I was a nanny for years who came into the families home on their working days to look after their two children, mom is a full time teacher, the dad, a court sherif so their days were long. My employment with them began when their maternity leave was over with baby # 2 and baby #1 was almost three years old,it ended when # 2 entered grade one so I was with them for 6 years. I Loved my job and the kids, they were like spare grandchildren to me. I did everything that needed doing in a day from reading stories, colouring, playing, building forts and lego creations etc. I also potty trained ran laundry, tidied up after kids and got supper ready.
I was an empty nest mom of three and grandmother to one (at that time) who needed to fill my time after my kids were on to their own pursuits. We were acquainted at church and they had been praying for a solution to their day care dilemma when they asked if I would help. So my suggestion is pray, ask God for a nanny then start looking around your church for a lady such as myself who would love to help out with some extra "grandkids".

Ashley said...

Are there any older couples in your church or maybe friend's parents that could temporarily watch her? I think I would be uncomfortable with the situation but that's just me. Hope it works out for you!

Bethany said...

Hi! I usually don't comment but i just had to :) I am a stay at home mom with a BA in Child Development and a former preschool teacher. My daughter is 15 months old and several days a week I watch a 5 month old. Even with my past experience and education, it can be overwhelming...There are jealousy issues and you really have to be extra vigilant....haha all that to say that personally, I wouldn't be ok with the set-up...if I was already wary of having them watch just one..I would not be ok with them watching two....just my 2 cents :)

Kendra said...

Oh how stressful!!

I would be the most upset that she had made these plans without telling me. Like REALLY upset. It seems presumptuous to make plans to have an infant dropped off at your house -while your daughter is supposed to be the focus!- and not even bother mentioning that to you. What if Macie had started talking about the baby or would have had no idea what she was talking about!

I agree it seems...interesting?...that the baby's mom is okay with all the traveling and the general arrangement, but I also agree with what you said:if she's okay with it, so be it.

Good luck! Just remember it's only for a few more weeks!!

Traci said...

Hi, I just came across your blog. Do you have any colleges or universities nearby? College kids are always looking to work and being a nanny is a pretty good gig...of course you'll need to interview them and find someone you trust.

I also don't blame you, I wouldn't want a kid I don't know being taken care of at my house, I think that's weird.