AF came swooping in and dashing hopes on Tuesday.
You guys, this was a tough cycle for me. I had hoped. I had thought that since there is so much turmoil going on with my job right now that this was God's way of ensuring that His timing was more perfect than me trying for almost 3 years. I thought this would mean that if I was pregnant this month that I could lose my job (or be forced to go part time) and this would be the reason why.
So then Naturally I got stuck on , "why!?". This is a REALLY bad place to be stuck. I was there for about 3 nights. Not the bitter stuck where I can't deal with life, but the sad stuck where I was left wondering what the plan God has could possibly be. I cried for 3 nights in a row, which is kind of unusual for me. Now yes, I am a crier. Put Steel Magnolia's on and let's see everyone "hit Weezer" and I'm gone. But I generally can pick myself off and dust my shoes off and move forward. This month was harder.
That's why I didn't post for a few days.
Now, I am going to say that I'm through the dark valley and headed to the mountain top (all of which of course happens over a 26-28 day time period each month, the lows and the highs) but I was left trying to decide what our reproductive options should be this month.
Option A: Another IUI cycle
Pros: being agressive about having future baby. Increased hope.
Cons: 800 dollars to be spent at a time when money should be saved for mortage in the fall if I don't have a job or am forced to substitute for reduced pay.
Option B: Another Timed intercourse cycle
Pros: Only 200 smackers
Cons: Feeling that it's not enough and should save the money for the big hitters at a later date.
And then there is the timing. It was really hard to schedule the IUI. I tried for 3 days in a row to get a hold of the right DR's office where my chart was and the scheduling would be an ultrasound next Sunday morning. Now I do play in the band at church, and while I would gladly give that or many other things up, I just didn't get a good feeling about skipping church to do an ultrasound. I didn't feel like sharing with people why I twouldn't be there, and mostly I just felt that through all of this I want to be honoring to God, and celebrating with believers is where I should be. This may be controversial, and I'm okay with that. I really did deliberate about this choice and finally deciding yesterday that I was trying to cram in too much felt good.
So. This month we are trying on our own (again) and I'm still waiting to hear if we have jobs in the fall. To remind: If my DH and I both have our full-time teaching jobs back in the fall we will (Lord willing of course) be doing an IVF cycle during the summer. The good news is I found out yesterday that I got a summer school position so this means that instead of having to save for two months of summer I get to save for only one. So ... I can't even begin to start making any reproductive plans, but I am going to be getting busy with the DH next week.
What's funny, is last Sunday our pastor talked about Sex (in church of course) and he challeneged all the married couples to have sex for 7 days in a row. Being that AF showed up we decided to put this off. And even in our BDing escapades we've never done that. I'm going to be bold here and ask you guys, when trying on your own (if you feel like sharing) what is the most about of BDing you have done in a row? I'll start by saying my dr recommended every other day, so our record for BDing purposes is only 3. Do any of you subscribe to the method that you just have to do it every day for a month?
Enjoy the rest of your weekends ladies.