Saturday, February 7, 2009

For Sunny

My friend Sunny died this week. She's in the picture above with my friend Phill. We were both film majors together in college, and like most college friendships, we didn't stay close, but about once a year we'd see each other through mutual friends, and I was reminded of how kind she always was.
Sunny was at work on Saturday night (she was an editor on various TV Shows, the last thing she was working on was the Animal Planet Reality Show 'Jockey's'. It aired last night and they showed a picture of her in memorium after it was over last night) and her coworkers found her unresponsive and not breathing. They got her to the hospital where she was in a coma but having brian seizures. During some testing yesterday she stopped breathing and passed away.
She was 30.
She was married, no kids.
Her journey is over.
Now even at times like this, I cling to my faith and I think that never was I given a guarentee about how long I would live. Sunny had 30 years on this plant. I don't know how long I'll have. Hopefully a lot, but that is certainly not a guarantee or something that God or this country promised me. This week I've had some real grief over this situation and really done some good evaluating about what I want out of life. I know that I want children, but what else. I want my life to count. I want people to say that I loved, I lived, and I served my God.
But what kills me is that like all perspective changing events, my memories of this week are likely to fade. Not of Sunny, but the eternal perpsective we get when good or bad things happen. I really want all of us to get pregnant and have huge, happy families. But more than that, I want all of us to be fulfilled and live each day and try new things and have new adventures.
The last 2 + years have been difficult for me because we've been unsuccessful in getting pregnant and having kids. But I don't want to wait for that to happen and miss some of the best years of my life in the meantime. I'm not saying that's what any of us are doing, but sometimes I get the urge to whole up and say, "woe is me, I'm not pregnant, I don't have everything I want". But really, I do. I have a husband I couldn't have even dreamed up as a kid he's so wonderful. I have a family who has flaws but gives me lots of good stories to tell my friends.
And I have a God who never leaves me, even when I leave Him.
Sunny, I will miss you, and I hope you know you have inspired me to lead a more fulfilling life. Thank you.


Miss Mac said...

So sorry about the loss of your friend. Something like that does remind us to make each day count & to be thankful to be able to have "life & to live it more abundantly." Take Care.

Leslie Laine said...

Nice perspective here. I agree, sometimes I worry that when I look back on my 30s, all I'll remember is this crazy IF drama, and it sooo isn't all there is to life, even though it feels that way sometimes. I, too, have been so blessed in my marriage and with my family - it's important to remember those things too.

I'm sorry about Sunny. What a wonderful name.

Scrambled Egg said...

So well said. I don't want to look back on these years as ones that were overwhelmed by infertility and not joyful in everything else.

I'm so sorry about your friend.

I Believe in Miracles said...

I'm so sorry about your friend.

Jill said...

I'm just now reading this post...I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend. You're right...we should live every day as though it's our last. We're all blessed in so many ways.