Again

Well Hello!
I'm back... from outter space? No, the holiday's are here! These last few weeks at work were incredibly busy (when is teaching not busy?) and finally Christmas is here!
A rundown of events the last few weeks:

BFN - at this point I don't know what else to expect. The Dong Qu*ai only succeeded in making me constipated

Unable to do an IUI this month because I will be in Nor Cal for the week that I would be inseminated. So hopefully next month (see below)

Summoned for Jury Duty Jan 20th. That is the first day of the new semester at work (and I teach Civics which is a senior semester course, so that means potentially my first day with 80 new students there will be a sub - yuk!) AND, if my calculations are correct, that is when my next cycle should start. Can I use infertility as an excuse to get out of jury duty? It seems like that should be fair game, because our plan to do an IUI wouldn't work if I can't get to the dr's office until well after their closed. Pooh.

I do want to say some HUGE congratulations to all of you who have gotten BFP's! I am so glad you shared your journey's with us and hope you continue to do so.

Alright, I'm heading to Grandma's house tomorrow and there is no internet there (can you imagine?) so I'll be looking forward to reading more awesome stories when I get back. Take care ladies and I'll be checking in periodically!

Here's to Knocked up '09!

Too Long!

Hello out there... Hello... Anyone there?
This blog is so boring when I'm not complaining about being infertile.
So here's the latest...
Yesterday was my 30th birthday. It was great. Last weekend my DH and I went to Las Vegas. We stayed at the ho.tel at mand.alay bay. It was really fun! I hadn't been to Las Vegas ever as an adult (meaning we didn't stay at someone's parents house for free and go to the Saharah for Dollar Black jack).
We ditched work on Friday (woo hoo!) and drove out on Thursday after school. It only took about 3 1/2 hours. I can't imagine sitting in traffic again to do that on a holiday weekend.
We didn't do anything Thursday night we were so tired from the week and Thanksgiving.
Friday we walked up and down the strip just people watching and trying to avoid the porn on the streets. And I discovered... video poker. Um, can I just say, 'awesome'. I am a pro (a pro that ended with 33 dollars less than we she started the weekend).
Friday night we ate at steak.craft - the restaurant owned by Tom Colicc.io from Top Che.f (if you watch that, it's a great show). It was a fancy meal and served as a great birtdhday gift from my dh.
Saturday we slept in (which for teachers means laying in bed until 7:30... I can't sleep in anymore!) and played the slots a bit waiting for my brother and sister in law to arrive. They came for just Saturday night to watch Bette Mid.dler with us. Bette was very entertaining, although there was this section in the middle where she was a mermaid for about 20 minutes. That wasn't so great. But other than that, I really thought her show was great.
Sunday we hung out and then drove back in the afternoon. Overall, a great weekend.

Then last night my mom had some of my family over for a 'small' party. It was fun. I haven't had an actual birthday 'party' for a while. I like to do things, but rarely just let people bake me food and bring me presents. I've got to remember that for next year, it was awesome!

Now I find myself waiting anxiously for the next two weeks to be over and for christmas break to be here. I'm also waiting anxiously for the weekend to see if I'm finally pg. I'm hoping a little, but I'm trying really hard not to let myself even think about it (right). I'm not even flipping back the calendar to see when AF is due. Maybe that's why I haven't posted a bunch lately. I'm trying to hold on. The plan is still to do an IUI in January (because in December I'll be out of town during ovulation - getting it on at Grandma's house is going to be interesting, although it has been done before (ha!).

There's more but other than that things are going really well and I'm looking forward to the weekend.
I'm still following all of you ladies' blogs, but I can't comment from google reader since blogspot is blocked, but I'm praying for you guys and think about your struggles (and successes!) often.

Alright, the bed is calling...

I Got Called Horny By My Husband

Let's just say that is a switch from the way things usually go.

It's so freeing after any number of rounds of clomid or assisted reproduction to be able to have 'el amor' whenever you want. Last month I was a little extreme, but during the 2ww I put myself on pelvic rest (after 2 1/2 years I'm getting desperate to see what will work). So this cycle, it's just been us. And then, while I was in the middle of enjoying this cycle, I decided to take a opk and on the second day I tried (cycle day 12) I got the happy face for the LH surge. So then we bd'd a few more times. So today, my husband said, "okay horny, do you want to go again?" I laughed and thought about how differed sex is when it's for fun or for baby.

Hopefully God will reward us this month for our bedroom activities.
By the way, I took that herb Don*g Quai (day 7 through ovulation) and I didn't notice much except I was constipated. Could've been a coincidence, but I'm thinking not.
Now, only two more weeks to wait. No problem, right?

Oh, and last night, we went to our friends A and A, they have a 'leftover thankgiving' feast the day after thanksgiving for friends. We went and walked into a house with 12 children and 14 adults. Even my husband mentioned how ironic it is that no matter where you go, you can't seem to get away from babies. I'm not bitter (this month anyway), but sometimes it sure does feel like God is getting a good laugh at our expense. But there were two single girls there and I most assuredly would rather be married without kids to an awesome man than single and thinking your neice will bring a man home before you do. So that perspective was helpful.

Church tomorrow and then Las Vegas next weekend (to start celebrating my 30th on the 9th!).
Enjoy the rest of the weekend ladies!

So much for being Infertile and Proud

I'm back in the closet.
Yesterday in the lunchroom at work, one of my fellow teachers was showing a picture of her new grandchild. The mother was in labor for 30 hours and then she had to have a C-section. I said aloud that it doesn't seem fair to go through all the labor and still have to have a c-section. Everyone agreed.
Everyone looked at me (remember, I am new to this school this year).
One teacher says, "Courtney, do you have kids?"
This is my moment, right? The one where I say, 'actually we've been trying for 2 and 1/2 years and hearing your stories about children make me want to cry often so can we please talk about the weather for a bit?'
Nope. I weanie out.
stuttering I say "Oh, well... my husband and I have only... we're coming up on... our anniversary is New Years Eve... it'll be 3 years... still having fun (yes, I said that...cringe!)... "
Then the reaction from the crowd:
"you bet your life changes!"
"You guys are smart, wait as long as you can!"
"Are you sure you want them at all?"

Yup. How many visits with Cooter Cam, Clomid, HSG Xray table, and I still can't even speak publically about trying to have kids.
But what I wonder about, is that there was one lady there who does know that we're trying to have kids. I wonder if she thought I was polite or completely unconfident. I guess it doesn't matter. But my reason was embarassment, not manners.

Happy tuesday. Oh, and I just came from Cost*co. That place was crowded!

Skipping Cycles

Sorry I haven't posted much, but I feel like there isn't much to say.

We decided to go for an IUI, but my cycle for November would put the IUI the Saturday after Thanksgiving and the office is closed. Then In all likelihood my next cycle will put me right around Christmas and my DH will be out of town visiting my Grandparents in Northern California. So it's crazy that my next cycle with medical help won't be until January.

Side note, I know I'm grasping for straws here, but has anyone ever heard of taking Do.ng Quai as an herbal suppliment to help with female fertility? It was recommended to me over a year ago, but I didn't want to mix my drugs (clomid) so I think I'll try it this cycle. I was told to take it day 7 through ovulation... I don't really know what it helps, but old wives tales seem to come from somewhere, so like I said, grasping at straws.

Other than that, I just can't believe Thanksgiving is in less than a week. It feels like there is always drama in any family and blending three (my husband's family, and then my parents are divorced) just takes a toll. But I'm looking forward to shopping the day after Thanksgiving something fierce. Not because I need a 4:00 Am bargain, but because I like feeling part of the hustle and bustle of the Holidays (that was very silver bells of me).

Alright ladies, enjoy the rest of the weekend!

If BFN's are Wrong...I Wanna Be Right

I really don't know what my title means, except that yesterday AF came in with a vengance. And a Purple one at that. Not to be gross, but it's been way more purple this time than I remember seeing. And minimal spotting. A little Friday afternoon (14dpo) and then full force Saturday afternoon, evening.
Seriously? Seriously. Not pregnant. Even if I were a "normal", average gal, I would've thought I was pregnant, beyond being a hyper sensitive IF gal who has been trying for way too long.
At Dinner on Saturday my DH and I came up with a new thought. We're going to try an IUI. Before we thought we should go straight to IVF, but we're not going to get to that place financially until summer and we're going to see what we can get going by Januray. We'll skip this cycle because he has the additional testing needed (does he have aids? no, but the doc insists we find out for sure, you guys know the drill), and then December will likely put us on IUI during Christmas break and we'll be out of town, so January it is.
I'm really excited. I'm also debating about whether or not to use clomid. Remember, clomid is likely to give me 4+ follicles. Should I take that (heck, I haven't gotten pregnant yet) or should I just let my own body ovulate one egg normally? Any suggestions?
Oh yeah, my town is on fire, but so far our neighborhood is safe. But now people finally know where Diamond Bar is on a map!

Still no AF but not looking good

You guys are all so supportive.
I agree, it all sounds so good.
And this cycle I'm not spotting... excellent!
However on Tuesday and Thursday I got BFN's.
Today is 14 dpo. I have not been late once on clomid or timed intercourse.

So in my infertile world, that probably means not pregnant. So I'm not hoping, but seriously, until she shows up... and starts singing like the fat lady, I'm going to just indulge myself a bit.
BUT seriously, how often are BFN's wrong. Not often.