I'm back in the closet.
Yesterday in the lunchroom at work, one of my fellow teachers was showing a picture of her new grandchild. The mother was in labor for 30 hours and then she had to have a C-section. I said aloud that it doesn't seem fair to go through all the labor and still have to have a c-section. Everyone agreed.
Everyone looked at me (remember, I am new to this school this year).
One teacher says, "Courtney, do you have kids?"
This is my moment, right? The one where I say, 'actually we've been trying for 2 and 1/2 years and hearing your stories about children make me want to cry often so can we please talk about the weather for a bit?'
Nope. I weanie out.
stuttering I say "Oh, well... my husband and I have only... we're coming up on... our anniversary is New Years Eve... it'll be 3 years... still having fun (yes, I said that...cringe!)... "
Then the reaction from the crowd:
"you bet your life changes!"
"You guys are smart, wait as long as you can!"
"Are you sure you want them at all?"
Yup. How many visits with Cooter Cam, Clomid, HSG Xray table, and I still can't even speak publically about trying to have kids.
But what I wonder about, is that there was one lady there who does know that we're trying to have kids. I wonder if she thought I was polite or completely unconfident. I guess it doesn't matter. But my reason was embarassment, not manners.
Happy tuesday. Oh, and I just came from Cost*co. That place was crowded!
3 comments:
I totally get it - there's just something about "coming out" that is so difficult in this journey. I don't know what it is, but sometimes I actually feel almost embarassed by my infertility. I hate myself for feeling that way, but for some reason I do.
Don't blame yourself for not being more forthright with people - you just never know how people are going to react, and I think it's a measure of self-preservation.
Happy Thanksgiving.
I bet I would have done the same thing. There is something about being able to talk about it in a big group... and definitely embarassment. What's up with that? Seriously?! We need to be ashamed about what??
You are not alone. Hope you have a great holiday!!
**HUGS**
still having fun?
what could be more fun that ultra sounds, bloodwork and crazy clomid pills? ugh.
i dont see why you need to tell them. although, theres always a chance one of them has been in our shoes and could give you some encouragement.
happy thanksgiving, courtney!
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