2009 in Retrospect

New Years Eve will be our fourth wedding anniversary. It's been a great four years. Full of lots of ups and downs - marriage is certainly harder than I ever imagined and most definately more wonderful than I ever imagined. It makes you grow up quick. Or at least act more grown up (ha!).

So we end the year strong with our anniversary. But there's been more to this year than before. There's been an IUI, a failed IVF and a positive IVF. We're 18 weeks away from meeting this little girl (Lord Willing of course!). I prayed to get 'knocked up in '09', and that prayer was answered. I know for some of you though, it hasn't turned out the way you want. And I have zero answers for that. I know that this is three years longer than we wanted to have kids, but I really believe that this has made us who we are and has changed us for the better. We've relied on God more than before, we've been careful not to make too many of our own plans, knowing that it's futile, and we just have to accept what comes before us.

So, as 2009 draws to a close, I am thankful, trying to be patient, and excited for what's ahead.

I hope those of you still waiting...will find yourselves In the Family Way in 2010!.

The star of my dream was...

Greg Louganis. The Olympic diver who hit his head. More than once.
I'm going to spare all of you the dream details, but I think that it had something to do with me watching the episode of the office where Michael 'outs' Oscar as a gay man.
That's all I have to say about that.

The nurse yesterday at my OB appointment asked me if I would be more comfortable meeting with the new woman doc they just hired. She seemed to read my mind with my DH that we weren't loving our OB, so we made our next appointment with her and I am VERY excited, but I also feel a little badly because I'm not one who is constantly looking for the BEST of everything. In traffic lanes, I don't jump around looking for the fastest lane. In a restaurant, I don't send food back because it's cold. But with an OB, when I am getting 95% of my information from books instead of the doctor...I'm willing to switch.
Next appointment I'll be 25 weeks. Crazy! Right now we're at 21 weeks. Horray and keep growing little girl!

Anterior Placenta

So I'm really not enjoying this whole "anterior placenta" thing.
Here's why:
I'm 20 weeks, and while I feel a lot of 'stuff' going on in my uterus at times, most of the time, I just feel the growth of my uterus (things like bending over at the waste has a whole new feeling to it!). But I'm not feeling kicks, I'm feeling light, almost painful 'things' (is that the whole butterfly thing?) and I've been feeling those for about 5-6 weeks now.
So I just keep telling myself that the placent is right where baby girl is kicking, so that's why I can't feel it.
But it still bums me out a bit. And then I worry a bit. And then I get frustrated with myself for worrying. Rinse and Repeat.

One new symptom this week: Am emotion mess. Really. I cried on the way to work, I cried watching Ebbie, the christmas movie starting Susan Lucci as Ebbi Scrooge (it's in no way sad, but in true Christmas movie fashion, over dramatic.) etc. That has to be good, right? Way to emotional? You all should've seen me overreact to the dog peeing on the bed! (my poor DH took the brunt of that one).

Counting Chickens

We sent out (or I'm in the process of sending out) Christmas cards this year.
But this year is different.
This year, we have baby girl on the way, and I'm 20 weeks pregnant. When I look at the cards from friends in years past, when they were half way there, they mentioned it on the card.
Ex: Merry Christmas from Dan, Lucy, Matt, Emily, and baby due in March!
Or other more cutsie wordings.

So why couldn't I do it? Everyone we're sending a card to knows we're pregnant, but somehow, I couldn't justify doing that. That 'what if' question just lingers in my head.

So instead we have a cute card with two pictures of us and one picture of our dogs. Its a good card, but ... when will I just accept that as of now I'm pregnant and it's not a lie to put it on a Christmas card?

I always told myself that whenever we actually got pregnant I would enjoy it and not wait for something to go wrong. But here I am, waiting for something to go wrong. And I hate it.
I suppose that should be my New Years' Resolution, right? It should probably be a chance for me to accept by faith that this is where we're at, and I am a mother, just not to a baby I've met yet.

So, that's where I'm at. Battling between being very happy and excited, to feeling like I am counting my chicken's before they're hatched.

Did you guys put anything on your Christmas cards?

It's a ...

Girl!
Yup, we saw those three lines that the ultrasound tech looks for, so she was fairly certain (although Erin knows all about being certain, right?).

So we're really excited, but truthfully, more than being really excited about the gender is that everything seemed to be okay. Cervix was closed, we saw four chambers of the heart, she was measuring two days ahead (which is fine. At six weeks, she was measuring 2 days behind, so growth is relative, right?).
Tomorrow is twenty weeks.

As my cousin (who is a NICU nurse) put it, only 4 more weeks until viability. I'm just counting down those days. Not that things can't happen after that point, but it feels so much more secure than where we're at now. I'd much rather believe that I'm basically halfway through this pregnancy though! Praise Jesus. Seriously.

I'm enjoying a rainy morning in So. Cal (there aren't many) and being very thankful for my family. I hope you are all having a great weekend as well.

Hello Team Pink! (and I think every single one of you guessed girl, so you can all be on the team-whatever that means!).

Ultrasound update

So... on Monday we had our big ultrasound.
It was wonderful!
Everything looks good, we saw everything from a bladder, to a heart with four chambers... To the gender.
Do you want to know what we're having?

Take a guess in the comments and I'll update this weekend and let all y'all know.

Things are going well, and now I'm super excited about making some real plans.

Only one more month until viability!

I hope you're all having a great day, and guess who has two thumbs and just found that blogspot has been unblocked at work? This Girl! Now I have something to do between passing periods again!

Almost 19 weeks and Thigh Pain!

It starts slowly. Just kind of like an ache. By the night, it feels like a huge muscle ache and everytime I get up to walk, it feels like between my upper thigh and knee someone is pulling my muscle back like a giant rubber band.
I've looked it up. It's not showing any signs of being a blod clot, but it is showing a lot of signs of being sciatica. I have no medical diagnosis, but essentially, I'm finding it's random, normal, and either walking or laying down will help.
Why is that helpful to know? It's like the two solutions are the exact opposite of each other. Yikes! I know I can take tyl.enol to help, and I probably should've in the middle of the night last night just to help me with the pain, but I didn't and this morning it feels better. This is the second time this has happened (the other was about 2 weeks ago) and it went away after a few days. But since I haven't taken a lick of medicine since being knocked up - (ahem, that is aside from the pounds of PIO/Estrace/Baby Asprin/prenatal vitamins...those little things), I'm not sure I'm ready to break the seal on the Tyle.nol. Not that I think I'll be hurting 'Sam'*, but that once I start taking medicine I may take it too often. Even in general I try hard not to take medicine unless I really, REALLY need it (but ironically, I'm fired up for an edpidural...go figure).
So that's my thigh pain. This morning it feels better, but I was an achy mess last night.

Thigh pain? Anyone else? Routine pregnancy cramping of leg?

AND tomorrow is 19 weeks! Monday is our big ultrasound. I'm super excited, but of course, the worry starts as soon as I get close to an appointment. I'm feeling a lot of action in my uterus or 'the chateau' as my husband likes to call it, but I can't quite label anything as movement. I often feel a swirly pain, but it's not like a happy butterfly, it's like a butterfly movement that is 'almost' painful. is that right?
Is the 'gas' description like 'gas bubbles'? I've got a lot of that, but I've got a lot of gas too.
Lots of action though. Things are definately going on.

I'll keep up up dated as I find out info. Hopefully we'll know if Sam is a boy or a girl on Monday!

*Sam is not the name of the baby. In the story of Hannah in the Bible she prays for her baby and when she is blessed she names him Samuel, which means, I asked God for him. So we figure while in Utero, "Sam" is a perfect gender-neutral name. Because boy, did we ever ask for him/her!