The last days I'll ever be pregnant...

So it's been a lengthy blog break, but just because like so many of you, life is full.  Having a 3 and 5 year old keeps me super busy, and it's really only because it's a summer morning where there are no swim lessons and beds are made so 'kids TV' is being allowed for just a few minutes (22 to be exact, thank you Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!).  I've been feeling like I want to check in here, if even to just document my feelings.
Like so many of you, we started this journey not knowing it would be difficult to have kids.  Then it was.  Then it was 4 years of TTC, IUI, IVF, Frozen cycle and we finally had our first miracle, Macie.  Then we started the process of using our last two embryos and lo and behold got pregnant on our own the month before the transfer and we had Penny.
So we waited 2 years and intentionally didn't try on our own to get pregnant because we wanted to give those last two embryos a chance, so last summer (2014) we gave them a chance to my shock, we didn't get pregnant.  I suppose I was feeling smug, like, now that I've had two kids, surely both of these embryos will take and we'll have twins!  So a BFN was a bit of a surprise.  But we still didn't know.  Would we get pregnant on our own again?   How long would we try on our own?  Would I be 45 and 'accidentally' get pregnant?  Would that be what I wanted?  Lots of questions.  We figured for a start that we would try for at least a year and re-evaluate.
A mere 4 months later I got pregnant.
And now I sit here, 37 weeks along, with the knowledge that as far as I'm concerned, these are my last days of being pregnant.  I'm trying to enjoy the movements of a baby inside me, because I know I won't be able to believe I've had 3 babies inside me.  I know I'll forget what it feels like to have a moving human kick me, save for the occasional gas.  :)  After this journey it's such a different place to sit.  Those of you who have had a hysterectomy or made the decision to be done may understand what I'm feeling.  But for so many of us, we just spend a lot of time wondering, will I only have one?  Should I try for two?  But the fact that I have any say over being done having kids is SO WEIRD!  I mean, since when has reproduction been in my own hands?
So if anyone has advice to enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I'm open.  I'm feeling huge and my skin is discolored on my face, but I'm thrilled to hold this new baby girl and teach her how awesome God is and her sisters and daddy.
We let our Disney passes expire, but I think when Penny hits the 40 inch mark we'll renew them.  Until then, here is us and the big guy saying hi.

  

Can you tell what color the cake is?

It's Pink!

We are following our own tradition of Girls!  I am so excited, I have to admit I was totally shocked.  I thought it was a boy for sure.  I'm not disappointed at all (How could I be!), but I was surprised.  I thought I would be baking a blue cake.  We have essentially everything we need for a girl, but I'm still going to redecorate the nursery.  It's been long enough and I'm just feeling like nesting. We'll move these two cuties into the same room soon, maybe even in the next week.  I think they're very excited about it.  

The only thing I don't have is a name.  I'm open to suggestions!  I loved the name Macie for years before I had her, and I just think Penny is adorable and goes with it.  We chose middle names after their grandmothers (Macie Romana, and Penelope Dorothy) so do I have to stick with stores and grandparents?  (Macy's and Penney's are department stores here in So Cal, are they stores where you are?  Do you have any store names that I may not know about near you?).  

So that's our news, The girls are excited and want to name the girls after my little ponies.  So Far Rainbow Dash is winning. 

18 Weeks

Today is the day of our big ultrasound.  I am so excited to see this little one again.  Hopefully we can find out the gender so I can get going on figuring out what to do with the nursery.  Either way I am itching to repaint and redecorate but obviously a lot depends on what we're having.  

We have a 3 bedroom house (which I love) but this means the girls will be sharing.  I think they're excited, but we haven't officially told them it's happening.  They constantly ask for a 'sleepover' during nap time (which I haven't done) so at least the idea of sharing is in their minds.

Part of me is already nesting.  I'm finally getting a little energy back (although I'm still falling asleep at 8:30 - which my husband is NOT a fan of.  ha) and each day I'm trying to attack one thing that needs to get done.  I cleaned out the armoire in our room the other day and I decided it was time to say goodbye to the VHS tapes I had saved.  We don't even have a working VHS player, so it's not too hard of a decision, but I was surprised when I posted this picture on facebook how many people were happy to have the movies - apparently the VHS player is not dead!  

Other than baby, we're just busy living life.  Ever since watching Charlie Brown Christmas Macie and Penny have been talking about ice skating.  Here in Southern California there are very limited opportunities to do that, so I saw the city was offering 5 saturdays of lessons for 62 bucks...so I signed them up.  Last week was their first week. They spent 30 minutes crossing the ice 4 times.  It was adorable to watch.  I'm already looking forward to this Saturday.  

I hope you guys are doing well and I'll try to update when I can ... hopefully the gender of baby!  I'll be having a full caffeinated beverage on the way to the appointment in hopes of making sure this little one is moving!

A Big Blessing...

I have a bit of a surprise.
I'm pregnant.
With number 3.

So hello everyone, and I can't believe it's been such a long time since I've posted.  I'm currently sitting on our couch watching my two little girls play a princess castle game together.  I just think I felt the baby move.  Um, does it get much better?
So you might be wondering how did this happen?
I don't even know if I posted after this summer, but here's the run down.
We tried for 3 years to have a child before attempting IVF in 2009.  Our first attempt transferred two embryos and neither took.  Our second attempt transferred three embryos and one took resulting in my oldest daughter Macie.  She is going to turn 5 this May if you can believe it.  After having her we knew we didn't want to waste time trying for more so we didn't use any birth control.  When she was 10 months old we had a chemical pregnancy, but nothing more.  By that summer we were ready to use our remaining 2 embryos and I started the process again, and just when I was supposed to start Birth control at the start of my next period, my next period never came.  This was our beautiful daughter Penelope (Penny) who will be three in March.
Well, knowing that apparently we could make a baby on our own and knowing we had two embryos left made us decide to use birth control (ha!), so after Penny was born we waited two years to use our last two embryos. (Not that we were against getting PG on our own, but we were paying for embryo storage, and that nagging question of what to do with those embryos if we did have another 'on our own', so we just decided to finish what we started with IVF).  That was last summer.  I swore, I thought I was going to have twins.  I was SO shocked when neither took.
I was so relieved to be done with IVF.
So since then we had been trying on our own.  Not hardcore trying, but not preventing and stuff.  You gals know the drill.
So one day in November I realized I felt a little...different.  My period was supposed to start the next day.  So what does a former IF girl do?  She takes an OPK (ovulation predictor kit) and sees a smiley face.  So you may know what that means.  I had to do a video shoot for my church that night and at 11PM driving home I stopped at CVS to buy a pregnancy test (and a bag of mm's for Macie's preschool class party, but I'm sure the clerk thought for me!).  It was positive.

Now you're all caught up.  We're on number 3.  I'm 15 weeks along and my next dr. appt is this Thursday.  I'm so thankful and still a little scared.  I don't think that ever goes away.  I read lots of stories of loss and get scared but I know God has a plan even for me and my little family. I read stories and see stories of Joy every day too.

Should be an interesting 2015!

long overdue update

Sorry to leave you hanging since March.  I actually did try to update a few times but blogger was being weird and I couldn't log it.
So, in June we did our transfer.  We had two embryos left and I thought we were having twins.  I was so surprised that we didn't get pregnant.  I mean really surprised.  I tested at home after 9 days and when I saw the negative I was shocked.  It took about 2 days to believe it really didn't happen and I started to hatch a plan.  I took a test a few more times and all negative.  So I booked a trip to Walt Disney World.  Seriously.  Husband and I have always wanted to go, and we really felt like we could afford it if we used his whole Summer School teacher paycheck - so that's exactly what we did.  By the time the RE called to tell me the test was negative I was practically packing our bags.
So we took a 4 year old, 2 year old and my mom and we flew to WDW.
We had a blast.
It was hot, it rained, it was an adventure.  We celebrated the family that God has given us.  We felt like it was the right thing to do for our family.  The girls had never been on a plane and we knew that the school year would be busy, so we just went for it.  I think it will be a trip we'll always be glad we took.  Penny may not remember it, but the rest of us sure will. :)

As for the future with babies, I definitely would welcome another child, but in no way do I feel sad.  I've said over and over that God gave us the exact children he wanted us to have at the exact right time He wanted.  It wasn't on my schedule, but that doesn't mean it's not more than I imagined it would be.

I'd love to know who is still reading this (if you can count 2 posts a year a blog!).  Leave a comment!

Guess what I just did.

So First things First:

Pictures.  When you go back to blogging for the first time in a long time, people want to see pictures.  I understand and will comply.  These are from our family photo shoot in October.  I am one lucky mamma.

My husband, ever the science teacher is teaching them about bugs here.  I did not want to participate.  

This little girl is going to be 2 years old this month.  It's amazing how big she is.  Our little Penny.

 

And her big sister, the amazing Macie, will be 4 in May.  She's in preschool two days a week and she loves it.  I mean, loves it.  But really, both her parents are teachers.  So what choice does she have?

Well, I just got off the phone with the Reproductive Endocrinologist.  We have 2 embryo's left, and we're going to use them!

But not for a few more months.  

If you don't remember the gist of our story with the girls...we tried for 3 years to have Macie.  We did a failed fresh IVF (2 embryo's) and a successful frozen cycle (3 embryo's [and GOD!]) gave us Macie.  We never used birth control after that.  We had a chemical pregnancy when Macie was just 10 months old, and we were gearing up to try the 2 embryo's we had left and had even started the process with the Dr. for the next frozen cycle when my period never came.  So there was Penny, our 'Surprise'. (although it's hard to say surprise...we do know how babies are made, but really, a "free" baby?  crazy!).  So that brings us to now.  We have NOT been trying since Penny was born.  We feel like we have been blessed with these two last embryo's, so we're going to give them a try, and if we got pregnant again...well...we're just not trying to make things more confusing for ourselves.  :).  So here we are.  

And it's funny, I haven't blogged much in the past few years.  But my very first instinct was to get back on this blog and tell you all about it.  

The appointment I made for the Dr. isn't until the end of April, but that' okay.  We're not in a hurry.  And I want to put up here some accountability...I really need to lose the last of Penny's baby weight (well, it's my baby weight) before getting pregnant again.  So as of today, it's on!  (or off? hmm).  

I'll keep you posted. 

Leave a comment if you're reading, I'd love to catch up with you ladies!

Is anyone still out there?

Hello blog readers.  It's Courtney.  Take my lack of posting to mean all is well.  Macie is at the best age - 3 is so much fun.  Penny is 18 months and is one of my greatest treasures.  She is pushing boundaries but I love it.
I still follow your blogs.  Moving from Google reader to Feedly is still a little confusing at times (I've just decided that I am not technologically savvy and I don't care who knows it), so I still don't know if I've got everyone's blog listed, but I think like me, a lot of you are not posting as frequently because Hello, life is busy and wonderful.
This blog is mostly about our journey through infertility, with a dash of life on the side, and there just isn't too much to say on those fronts right now.  We still have two embryos left from 2010, and we'll plan to use them next spring/summer.  We're just saving our money and I need to get serious about losing 20 pounds before we do the transfer.  Plus, our girls are just SO MUCH FUN right now.  Yes, it's a ton of work, but isn't this what I prayed for?  Yes!  And I have a wonderful peace about these embryos.  If they work, great, if they don't, I feel like my quiver is full, and I'm not lacking in a family.
I'm back to work part time, and every single day is busy, so even when I have a chance to sit, I'll catch up on reading blogs, but typing on a computer tablet? ... Foggetaboutit.
So that's where we're at.  The husband is great, it's football season so we're busy with him coaching.  And Church will be ramping up as we're already planning for Christmas.

I hope you all are doing well, and If you're still reading feel free to leave a comment (even though I know it's annoying to do so from a table - again, is there an easier way to do that?).
Happy Monday,
Courtney

Am I A Smug Fertile Now?

I am on the creative team at my church.  I love it.  We do some pretty fun, serious, wacky things during services, and generally it's just awesome.  We started our church just about 5 years ago, and last Sunday we had over 1100 people come.  It is so neat to see what God is doing with the small gifts He's given us.
I largely do the announcments each Sunday.  And when we're running through each service, we talk about the flow, transitions, and if there are any special elements.
Que Mothers Day discussions.
We've been trying to think if we want to add a "drama", a video, or do a give away for moms for the past couple weeks.  Coupled with having Louis Zamperini speak a few weeks ago, (if you haven't read 'Unbroken' by Laura Hillenbrand, you're missing out!), Mother's day kind of snuck up on us and we are going with a short video and giving away a candle to each mother.
But then we were discussing how to give the candles away.  Our first plan was to do the normal, "if you're a mom, stand up and the ushers will give you your candle (hopefully said with more pizzaz than that...ha!)."  And there is still part of me who remembers those days.  The days when everyone would look at you, either because they wondered if you were pregnant and would stand up, essentially letting that be the moment you told everyone you're pregnant.  Or when people would look at you and feel pity if they knew you'd been trying for 3 years to have a baby.  But I do remember. 
But you wouldn't know it based on the next discussion our creative team had.  The Worship director said he had a thought, what about those women who were trying to become moms?  What about the women who lost children.  What about, what about, what about.  All those women who for different reasons were hurting on mothers day. 
My first reaction was not to side with the childless.  And now, ever 3 days later, it still bothers me.  My first reaction was to say that if there are women who are hurting, and are sitting in church being bitter, that they need to deal with that on their own, and we can't expect the Church to cater to that. 
WHAT!??  Did I really say that? 
Here is why I said that, and this is the part I wished I would've elaborated on in that meeting.  My own personal journey (No one elses, even you lovely ladies who are still trying, or trying for a second or third...) was that I didn't understand why God wouldn't bless us with a child.  And I found myself battling jealousy.  I know jealousy to be a sin.  So I know if I had allowed myself to be bitter and jealous (which let's face it, sometimes I was) that this would have been my own sin to deal with.  Also, what I said in the meeting was that if there are women who are truely hurting over this (pain I know well) that they probably wouldn't even be coming to church that day as we have been advertising a child dedication on Mother's Day as well. So if a woman is going to be in the congregation and be jealous that she's not a mother, she needs to deal with that between her and God.
You guys, I said it wrong!  I didn't mean that!  I want so desperately to go back to that meeting and stick up for all of the people who aren't mothers and fathers who want to be!  I want to say that it's awful that you can be watiting and going through procedures and having blood drawn and your womanhood called into question because there is no baby in your arms.  I want to address that we've got a problem that a lot of women deal with and the church doesn't offer very many solutions and small groups for that.
But I didn't.  I said that I think the women should deal with it themselves. 
I think because I had to suffer through it, I thought others should too. And they should take the high road.
I think I was feeling smug. And it has bothered me ever since. 
I don't need to apologize to that group.  They don't care.  It's 3 men and a 58 year old lady who's about to be a Grandmother.  None of them are really going to emaphithize with this pain.  It's you and me I need to apologize too. 
It's the women who want a baby and just can't understand why this isn't what God has in store for them. 
It's the me from 5 years ago who was gaining weight left and right because she kept thinking 'Maybe I'm pregnant', and then when I found I wasn't, I would eat to console myself.
I should have been the first to speak up about making women stand because of the stigma it puts on those who are sitting.
But I was silent.
And I'm sorry.
And next time I have the chance to honor the infertile or the childless, I will.  And I will give my own girls extra squeezes tonight (and every night) because they are such a gift and I'm so blessed to be their momma (even when they are calling my name every 3 seconds...especially then).

Happy Mother's and Future Mother's Day.

P.S. If you're wondering, we decided to put the candles on a table outside and tell the moms that as they leave, be sure to stop by and pick up their gift.  So we're not making anyone stand up in service.

It's not that I don't have stuff to say...

It's just that holy cow, I've got no time to type it!
Things here are going well.  Penny just had her first birthday party, and in another week, little Miss Macie will be 3!  How did my girls get so big!

 These are both outfits that my mom saved from when I was little.  Macie calls it her 'Princess Dress'.  Never has a 1970s dress had so much respect.

 Penny's first party was "Milk and Cookies" and probably deserves it's own post, but I'll just say that it was a hit, and I worked really hard for about a month.  And I still haven't written thank you cards.  #oops.

 I think this is my most favorite picture ever.  I want my girls to grow up singing and laughing and you can see, that is what we try to do at bathtime.  I believe we were singing One...singular sensation, every little step she takes.... from A Chorus Line.  We're nothing if not classy.

We went to the Aquarium, and this girl had a blast. 

It's just been so much fun that I can hardly stand to take time to write everything down.  I love life, but boy, are we busy!  I think once summer comes and I can be a full time mommy...well, no.  I think then, I'll have even less time.  But I'm still here, reading your blogs and bummed that Google reader is retiring.  Any ideas on how to convert to something else simlar?

 

I'll update when I can, but I'm just over here living the dream and enjoying every moment.  (It's not the perfect dream, but it's totally worth it!)

Family Picture Time

 The past few years, nothing has made me feel more like a 'mom' than making my family dress up for pictures.  I think it's just something that only a mother would make you do, but I have loved it.  This year we had a tough time - it was super cold, we couldn't find the photographer at the right park, and the sunlight was fading quickly....AND, Macie saw the lollipop I was going to give her at the end of the photo shoot, and she pitched.a.fit.   If you saw the Christmas card on a previous post, that should explain some of the tears.  I think we got some good photos inspite of the tears, but I learned some lessons for next year:  Take pictures before time changes so we've got more daylight to work with; Pick a place closer to our home where we are familiar so we don't have to rely on our phones to get us to the right place; let her have the lollipop sooner (or just skip the after photo treat).  That being said,  my girls are beautiful (brag much?) and I love being their mommy.   I only pray they know Jesus from a young age. 

 

 This is an actual dress from my childhood.  She calls it her 'Princess Dress'.  Does that make my dress vintage?!

Only one of a few where we're all *almost* looking at the camera.

 This is one happy girl.  What a delight and I can't believe she's already 10 months old.  I can't belive her eyes are so blue also.  She's not quite taking steps, but she's highly mobile.

I love this picture.  She was getting a gentle 'talking to' but the moment looks so serene, instead of the time-out I was likely threatening.  But I do love it.

Potty Training Question

Hey Y'all!  I'm checking in here to ask a question.  Background:  We started the actual, no holds barred potty training on Dec. 21st, 2012.  That day she went #1 11 times and 8 were on the toilet (success in my book!).  The following day she had no #1 accidents and a #2 accident (but daddy was watching her, so again, success!  Just kidding).  Since then, she has had only one potty accident (weird, it was just last weekend, and she was totally unfazed that she had wet herself).  But overall, things are going SWIMMINGLY! 
Here is the question.  For her naps, she is waking up dry, and has been for a few weeks.  So yesterday I bought a mattress pad (and then promptly got home and realized i already had one...blurg) and she took a nap with no diaper.  Success!  No accident.  So at night, she has been generally waking up with a dry diaper.  When do we move to night time no diaper?  Is this not for a couple years?  When did you start going all night with no diaper?
I'd love some input here.

And since we're way overdue for pictures, this is from a few months ago at Costco.  Did I already post this?  I'm at work on break and I'm limited to what pictures I have on hand.  But little cuties they are!

Where To Begin?!

Honestly, I've had one of the busiest holiday seasons of my life, and not all for the better.  I'll just start by sharing that my father passed away on New Years Day.  We've had a difficult relationship for many, many years now, and I'm still very sad to see him go.  I've got lots to write about that, but I'll have to save it for a complete post.  That isn't the main reason that I haven't been blogging, it's just because I've been SO, SO busy (not unlike most of you), and I haven't had time to put on makeup, let alone, blog.
Let me just give some highlights (from before my fathers death) and that will hopefully entice you to check back when I finally have a chance to write everything down. 
First, Macie is *almost* potty trained!  I say almost because we still do night time and nap time diapers.  It has been amazing not to clean up toddler poop!  Today marks 2 weeks and we haven't had any accidents since day 2!
Second, my church put on a huge Christmas Eve service (actually, we had 5 services) and I directed it.  It was hugely rewarding, and I wish I could do that for a living instead of teach history (although i certainly enjoy teaching history...and above all, I wish I could just stay at home full time with the girls...if I'm dreaming).
Third, Christmas!  With a 2 year old!  It was fantastic to see her excitement Christmas morning.  The only problem this year on Christmas was that we learned of my dad's deteriorating health condition that night and that sort of soiled the end of the celebration.
Fourth, Home Improvement!  We had our ceilings scraped of the lovely 80's popcorn ceilings while we were in northern California*.  But this meant taking down all Christmas decorations on Christmas night, and then putting away all knick knacks of any kind all day on the 26th before ...
Fifth*, driving 7 hours to Northern California with a 2 1/2 year old and 9 month old to see my grandparents.  We had fun..ish.  There were 12 people in a 3 bedroom house that is only 1400 square feet.  We aren't hugely demanding, but I felt bad for my Aunt, as we took over her room completely.
Sixth, Dh and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary.  While in Nor Cal, we left the girls with my mom for the night and drove to San Fransisco.  We had a nice dinner and saw a 49ers game.  It was very, very cold for this Southern California girl.
Seveneth, Penny started getting a cold the day we got back to my grandparents house.
Eight, Macie got sick the next day
Ninth, we were informed right before our long drive home that my dad was being transferred to hospice care and would probably die in the next week or so.
Tenth, we were told that he would probably die that very day or the next.  So on our way home, sick babies and all, we went to the hospice and were there right before he died.  It was on one hand nice, on the other hand, very uncomfortable**.
Eleventh, the girls continued to be sick and on Tuesday night, Macie's fever reached 104.3.  Penny's wasn't that high, but she had the bad cough.
Twelfth, Both girls to the doctor the next day (wednesday now).  Both girls Bronchiolitis.  (Penny just had this two weeks before Christmas, Macie's never had it).
Thirteenth, Dinner with the stepmom who was in the middle of divorcing my father, but as he was in the ICU, they "exchanged rings and said I love you".  So she's back in the picture even though he is gone.  Very unsure how I feel about that.
Fourteenth, Macie is better, Penny is on 4th day of fever.  Is throwing up almost everything she eats or drinks.  Little urine output.  Back to doctor.  Breathing treatment and chest xray.  Guess who has mild Pnemonia?  Peneleope Dorothy!
Fifthteenth, did I mention I'm throwing a bridal shower tomorrow?  So I've got no free time here and when I do, I'm searching how to do a trivia game for TV families instead of cuddling my little ones, because I still want to celebrate my friends' baby, but I'm just a little strapped.  At least it's tomorrow and it'll be fun.
Sixteenth, My husband was supposed to go out of town tomorrow night and with everything and without me asking, he decided to stay home and be a huge support to me, especially with Penny being sick.

This has been, the most non-vacation of my life.  I can't wait for life to go back to normal.  Whenever that will be.
AND, God is still good, all the time.  I still see His hand on my life in the middle of this earthly insantity.


This was supposed to be the short post.  Can you believe there are details here I didn't write?!  I may not write them down, I'll lose all my 'followers'.  Ha.

** my dad died of liver failure brought on my alcoholism.  It was a very sad way for someone who once had so many friends to die, but at least his family was surrounding him in the very plush hospice room.  It was uncomfortable because there was no privacy to say anything to him.  But then again, I'd already said what I needed to say in our conversations early in life, but still, you know...he was my dad and I really have great memories from my childhood.  just not my adulthood where he was mostly concerned. 

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6 months!

 I don't know how these girls got so big, but here they are!

This is us on our way to costco.  Without Daddy (football season), and both girls in the front for the first time.  They did suprisingly well (there were snacks involved for Macie).

 Glam Penny above.  Love this look dah-ling.

 You may ask what size clothes she's wearing.  I wish I knew.  This bathing suit in the picture above?  18 months.  Doesn't it look like it fits her?!  I think it does!  And this morning, she was wearing size 3 months pants.  Each outfit is so relative.  So she's mostly in 9-12 month clothing, depending on the lenght.

At here 6th month appt she was 27 1/2 inches (95%) and 16.13 oz (50th somthing %).  They were a little concerned she's fallin' off her growth curve a little bit, but seriously, have you seen those cheeks?  Adorable.

She is not a great milk drinker, so I wonder if that has something to do with it, but now that we've added so many solids, I think she's going to be gaining weight fine.  But she is seriously a long, tall girl.

 Champion sitter-upper.

And right now, I'd say her big sister is her biggest fan.  Macie loves to make Penelope laugh, and it seems to be recipricated.  I hope these girls end up being fantastic friends.  I pray they know Jesus from a young age, and that they love each other (and mom and dad too!).



pictures!

Here is Penny last month...she was almost sitting up.

And below, here she is this month.  Sitting up like a champ!

Macie has started loving the photo shoots because she gets to get in Penny's bed (which was her bed, she just doesn't remember it!)

 

And no, Macie is not biting Penny's head here, she's just giving her an open mouth kiss.  Nana has done a good job of buying lots of matching outfits, but it's been so hot I haven't had a chance to wear some of the outfits.  I loved this cupcake dress on Macie last winter, and while it still fits, you'll notice the tights are a must have accessory.  She is a tall girl!  Penny isn't so small either, we'll find out her 6 month stats on Friday's dr. appt.

And below is my little cutie feeding her doll 'Coco'.  I spared you the picture of her nursing the doll, but think the boppy and bottles are pretty cute.  What fun it is to have a 'little mommy' around the house.

Having two is wonderful, if not crazy.  Last Friday I thought, 'I could totally have another one!'  The very next day I thought, 'I would be crazy to have another one!'.  So only the Lord knows what will be in store for my family, but I am 'trying' not to take a single day for granted.  These girls are such gifts, and the responsibility of training up children in the ways of the Lord is sometimes harder than I could imagine, but overall, it's an experience I wouldn't trade for anything (not even a luxurious bath or a trip to the bathroom all by myself!).

Lisa Whelchel

When I heard the news that former 'Facts of Life' star Lisa Whelchel was divorced, my heart was really heavy.  She came and spoke at our church just about 2 years ago.  I read one of her books, 'The Facts of Life and Other Lessons my Father Taught Me'.  It was such a great little read about some of the high and low points of her life.  By no means did I think that she was perfect.  By no means did I think that she doesn't sin.  But knowing that public figures are just as fallable as the rest of our makes me scared. 
Ladies, this thing called marriage is tough.  And most of the blogs I read (not all, just most) are women that had a hard time becoming pregnant.  And then most of us have gotten what we wanted, a beautiful child (or more often than not, children).  And there is something SO WONDERFUL about being a mother.
But I'm convicted to exhort all of us not to forget our husbands. 
I have no idea why they divorced.  I don't know who incited the paper work, I don't know the details.  Despite the title, this post is not about Lisa.  This post is about us.  It's about our marriages.  When we think that divorce only happens to other people, we might be missing the log in our own eye in order to point out the spec in someone else's.  It's SO easy to get caught up in the business of being mommy's, that we forget, we were wives first.  We used to stay up late in order to talk (and make out!) with our fiances and boyfriends.  Now, if your marriage is anything like mine, I am the first to go to bed and we (er, I) have a strict 'no funny business' after 10pm rule, because I'm just.so.tired. (please, someone give me an Amen on this one).  I need to remember my husband.  My boyfriend.  Even though we're married, it doesn't mean I can't still think of him as my boyfriend.  I think men get that lecture a lot, treating us like a girlfriend, not a wife.  I'm going to take a few extra minutes and opportunities this week to make sure my dear husband knows that I chose him first and I will continue to choose him! 

New Schedule

Things I don't want to forget (in case there is a next time!).

On Thursday I switched Penelope's feeding and napping schedule.  Formerly she was eating 5 times a day, every three hours, and would mostly eat, play, sleep, repeat.  Some times she wouldn't nap, and then the next session she would.  I would ALWAYS wake her up to eat, regardless of how recently she fell asleep (I realized that for me, this was the best way to keep her aware of her days vs. nights, and not to sleep for hours and hours during the day and then be up all night).
But every three hours has passed us.  The weird thing is, I can't seem to recollect how I fed Macie or what her feeding/nap schedule was at this age, so that's why right now, I'm making a record of it here. 
Penelope is waking up between 7:30 and 8.  She gets a bottle of pumped breastmilk as soon as she wakes up, and then when Macie is up, we all eat breakfast at the same time.  Penny is having 1/4 cereal (rice and oatmeal so far) with formula mixed in.
Then, at noon (Penny generally naps from 9:30 to 11, give or take), Penny has another bottle/breastfeed. (love my work schedule that I'm home to feed the girls!!!).  Usually I'm supplimenting 4 ounces, but she is a very slow eater.  I mean, that 3-4 ounces can take an entire hour to get her to eat it.  Then around 12:30 (hopefully we're finished with her bottle by then) we sit at the table and have lunch with Macie.  Penny has so far had squash 2 days and sweet potatoes one day.  She enjoyed the squash much more than the sweet potatoes.  Every 2-3 days I'm adding a new food.  Then comes the glorious part...They Both Nap at the Same Time!  Seriously!  from about 1-3, I have 2 whole hours with which to do what I choose.  One day I cleaned the car, the next day I took a nap also!  I can only hope this continues.  What a feat!
At 4, Penny has another bottle, followed by more cereal at dinner, then her nighttime bottle at 8.

We're only on day 4 of this schedule, but it feels right.  I'm hoping we can stick with this for a while. 

A little help please?

Penelope, here is what you're doing right now! (actually, you're napping, that's why momma has the time to write this post).  Yesterday is the day you decided to be able to sit up on your own.  Yes, you still topple over after a while, but we were at Daddy's football game and I left to throw something away (while still watching you of course) and when I came back you were all like, 'what, I've been sitting forever.  Why is 10 minutes of sitting such a big deal?  Don't you know I'm not a baby anymore?'. 
Then, last night you were alseep in your carseat by the time you got home and I put you in your crib without a swaddle.  You went right to sleep.  So I figured, hey, first day to sit up, first day without a swaddle. 
THEN, after about an hour...you woke up and cried for 2 hours straight, from about 11PM to 1AM.  Um, that was not my favorite moment.  So tonight, yes, you will be swaddled.
I'm thinking you're teething.  No teeth yet, and you have a little bump on your bottom gums, but...no teeth yet.  You are drolling, have a runny nose and everything goes to your mouth. 
And you are eating cereal!  You really do like it, and are already trying to feed it to yourself.
But here is my problem blog world, I need your help.  What should her feeding schedule be?  I can't seem to find if I wrote it down on this blog, how many time a day should I give her the bottle, and when should I give her food?  Right now she's just eating cereal once, maybe twice a day, and 5 bottles of 3-6 ounces after breastfeeding.  Um...I don't remember how much and when she should be eating.
If you have little ones eating any kind of solid food and still on the bottle, could you leave me a comment with your feeding sched.?  I'm a little out of sorts.

Okay, and I've also lost 15 pounds, 20 more to go...but I don't seem to have any motivation to continue.  Any tips?  I want a tortilla so badly right now!  Talk me down!  Tell me to lose the baby weight!

179 more?

Stay at home mom...
Working mom...
Any way you slice it, this is a hard season of life.
Any way you slice it, this is a fantastic season of life.

Today I went back to work.  I've mentioned that I'm only working part time.  It was hard to leave my little ones this morning.  BUT it was wonderful to come home to them at 11:00am.
I was just left thinking that today was okay.  But I have to do this 179 more times before next Summer...? I'm thinking about making a count-down chain for myself.  Ha.  That might actually make things worse.  No matter how you slice it, I think I've got a great situation this year. 

I was also thinking about how quickly these past two years have gone.  Those of you with older kids will probably agree...it's gonna go fast.  Next fall Macie will be in preschool!  A friend of mine posted on her blog that we only get '18 summers' with our kids.  And I can't help but think she's right.  Granted, with more kids, it's a little more than that, but my point is that these tough times (just changed a very gross poop) are going to go SO fast and I want to enjoy them.  And I have been.  And I delight eveytime Macie and Penny do something new.  Just today I noticed that Macie has started saying the word "fix" correctly.  For a while she would say "daddy fik it".  Today she said, "Macie fixed it".  And I got sad.  She's not going to be so little for so long.  Penny will be 5 months this week.  She is rolling over (all ways) and almost sitting up on her own.  These days are long, but I love this new job called 'mommy'.  Educator is great, but personally, I think "mommy" is my favorite.