Baby Mama

Day Care Overreaction?

2012-01-25T09:36:00.000-08:00

So many of you know I have been completely spoiled when it came to childcare for my little one while I was at work. 2 days a week my mom would come over and watch Macie, and three days a week, my personal friend with tons of Nanny experience would come over and watch her. So yes, this means I didn't have to transport Macie anywhere and she was getting amazing care from wonderful people in my own home. We paid my friend but my mom didn't want money.
Well, with our impending arrivial, my friend/nanny needed to find a full time job elsewhere and she did. She just found it 6 weeks earlier that we would've hoped for. In no way do we begrudge her, because really, we only paid her 65 dollars a day (a ten dollar raise from last year because we were so happy with how she was caring for Macie), and even though that's a lot for us, that's certainly not enough to live on. Her new job has benefits, a 401k, and is full time. Yeah, she pretty much would be crazy not to take it. Especially since the plan is for me to stop working from March until August.
So that has put us in a bind. My mom agreed to pick up a 3rd day, so we were looking for someone to watch Macie 2 days a week, preferrably in our home. We asked DH's mom. SHe lives 25 minutes away, and has watched Macie a few times. It has always gone well, but truthfully, I don't trust her completely. She has Diabetes, is morbidly overweight, and has fallen a few times in the past years. What helps is that her daughter (my SIL) is 26 and has always come over also to help. My SIL is diagnosed as 'mildly retarded' and is also extremely overweight, but surprisingly, has excellent common sense (and loves playing with little kids). She's not stupid by anymeans, but she doesn't drive and isn't going to be able to pass basic classes in college. So of course you can see that this pair is not idea for watching a high-spririted 20 month old. HOWEVER, because of our bind, and because they were willing, we asked them to watch Macie. And last week, they did. It's only for a total of 5 hours, and they are in our baby-proofed home.
So we were hopeful this would work until I go on Maternity leave, and then next year, we'll come up with a different solution for the off days my mom doesn't work.
Enter last night.
DH calls his mom to confirm that she's on for tomorrow (today) and Thursday to watch Macie. She says yes, except that she has also agreed to watch another baby for a friend of hers. But she wasn't going to tell us. She was simply going to her her son (my BIL) drive the baby over when the mother dropped her off at 8:30 and then when I get home at 11:30, they'll go back to their house.

I was shocked. For lots of reasons. And I think I over-reacted, but I'm really curious to know what you all would have thought in this situation.

I'm mostly shocked that this little baby boy's momma is okay with her son being dropped off at one house at 8:30, then driven over to my house, then driven back to his house, all within a 3 hour time period. I'm shocked that my Mother in Law thought that we shouldn't be consulted regarding something that has to do with the care of our daughter or another baby in our house. There are all kinds of 'what if's' that pop up in my mind. What if that baby is sick? What if one of them gets hurt? What if my MIL and SIL are underestimating their abilities to watch 2 children at the same time? Etc.

So last night my mom agreed to watch Macie today (and she is) but tomorrow, DH and I are kind of thinking that we overreacted. If this other baby's mom is okay with him being driven around and not having stability...then do we have a right to say it? Am I just mad that decisions about my daughter's care weren't being made by me? (YES!).

So the plan is to try it tomorrow. It's 5 hours and in theory only 2 1/2 hours together.
I'm just HATING THIS.
And yes, it fuels the fire of the stay at home debate, and DH and I are still considering every angle of what it would take for me to stay home. We're both committed to doing what's best for our family and we both agree that's for me to be home, but we've got debt and as teachers we have to be able to pay for summer (we only get paid 10 months a year, and right now a big part of my paycheck is saved for that). So yes, I want to stay home. But let me ask, for the next 5 weeks...if you were in my situation,
What Would You Do?

Stomach flu and 31 weeks

2012-01-21T10:40:00.000-08:00

So today marks some history. First time I have been sick while married. Dh is doing wonderful, taking care of Macie, but I feel pretty rotten. Tmi? I threw up 4 times last night and had some serious diarrhea. So today I'm trying to stay low key, but it's so weird to hear her outside the bedroom. I mostly just don't want to get Macie or dh sick.
But in happier news, iam 31 weeks along and we're getting close! At least while I've been sick I can feel the baby girl move. There is such reassurance in that.
That's all. Sorry no pictures. Just a momma trying to feel better.

high chair?

2012-01-07T10:14:00.000-08:00

Macie is 20 months today! i'm wondering when all of u stopped using the high chair. She can sit up on a regular4 chair, so I'm startibg to think we may be getting past the high chair. in restaurants people are offering booster seats instead of highchairs. when did u transistion?

Family Pictures...finally!

2012-01-05T17:11:00.001-08:00

Before Thanksgiving we had some pictures done (thank you mathieuphotography!). These are a few of the highlights. Just enjoy!

I just look at this little girl and think how lucky I am to be her mother. It unreal to me that she's going to be a big sister. And my Dear Husband is just awesome and I love him.

I will say, that making my family dress up for pictures was one of the things that has made me feel most like the 'mom'. It was fun, and I hope we continue this tradition every year.

Long Time No Post

2011-12-30T21:26:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates, but things have just been so busy that it's been hard to find time to sit down and type. The goodnews is that DH got me a smart phone for Christmas so now I can read blogs on the move, but I still prefer typing on the computer and I haven't opened the computer for most of Christmas break.
Speaking of which:
Reasons to become a teacher?
Number 1. Christmas Break! 2 weeks of no-work, family time!
It's been a great 2 weeks. I don't go back until Tuesday, but I'm already getting sad that the time is almost over. Some of the higlights have been: Our Church Christmas Eve service(s)! We had a blast and it went really well. I'm apart of the creative team that plans the services and we've been working on Christmas Eve since about September! (Oh, and our next big feat is that Bethany Hamilton is going to be a guest speaker at our church on Jan. 22nd! She's the young lady who was attacked by a Shark and the book/movie Soul Surfer is based on).
Another high light, my brother and SIL moved and we got to help! (ha!) That means I got to watch my nephew while my Bro and DH lifted heavy stuff. Their new house is very nice, and closer, so we're excited for them. But then, we all decided to spend the night on Christmas eve at their house, and while it was super fun while we were all awake, Macie did NOT sleep well. Probably the second worst sleep of her life (seriously, not since she was a week old and breastfed 12 times in one night has she slept so poorly). I think it was because we shared a room with her and she could see DH and I on the air-mattress. So we were all SUPER tired all day on Christmas. And I was too excited playing with my new phone to take a nap. Oops. Another highlight was that evening we shared a nice dinner with my Dad's family. Despite the bad news I'm about to write, we seriously had a good time. The bad news? My dad was so drunk he didn't make it and my step mom said she's probably going to ask him to leave because his drinking is so out of control (he just recently came out of a month at B.etty Ford clinic by the way). I'm pretty immune to my dad's alcoholic fiascos that it didn't phase me too much...but if you want to pray for him, that's about all I know to do anymore. But in all seriousness, despite all of that, it was a nice Christmas.
Back to the highlights. DH put up a new closet in Macie's big girl room, and was able to paint. Tomorrow we're trading the double bed for a twin bed from some friends so that we can get ready to move her in there so our new little one will have a place to sleep when she comes in March. Boy, March doesn't seem so far away anymore. From now on, my appointments are every 2 weeks! How did we already get to this place?! She'll be here so soon!
And the last highlight (so far) is that DH and I got to spend 2 nights in Las Vegas to celebrate our anniversary. Macie stayed with her Nana and we got to take a short vacation. It was nice. I read The He.lp in its intirety and DH watched football. We did some shopping, GOOD eating, and lots of napping. It was nice, but more importantly, nice to come home to a happy daughter. It's hard to go away, but I think for the sake of staying connected, these little overnight dates a few times a year are important. It was really fun.
AND, tomorrow is New Years Eve and we're going to celebrate with friends. Very much looking forward to it, but a little wary of how Macie will do. We'll take the pack and play and be ready to hang out and leave whenever we need.

Okay, that's a long update, and hopefully there will be pictures soon. Happy New Years!

Photo Card

2011-12-07T21:53:00.001-08:00

Polka Dot Christmas Wishes Christmas

Turn your favorite pictures into personalized Christmas cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Now I see why everyone is sharing their Christmas cards. Thank you Shutterfly for 10 dollars off my next order. And seriously, do you guys see how cute this little girl is? I can't believe she's 19 months already!
Today we went and saw Santa too. This month is just FLYING by.

November to December

2011-12-03T06:49:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone. It just makes me so surprised at how long you can look forward to something, and then, it's over in a flash. We hosted thanksgiving again this year and it was a blast. But now...It's the holiday season! On Thursday we headed to Low.es to buy our tree! We are still 'real' or live Christmas Tree people, but I don't mind fake trees. I see the convience. At any rate, we now have our tree up (I'll try to post a tree picture soon). But I thought everyone should see how cute our little one was as we went tree shopping. Cna you stand those mittens? And yes, she did suck her thumb, even with the mittens on. I'm starting to think she's pretty attached to her thumb (both literally and figuratively), but I'll deal with that when it's a problem. God's word tells us not to worry. So I'm taking His word on that.

The house is still a mess from the transition to holiday decorations, but I'm hopeful to have a clean house by the end of the day. Tonight is our Church's first ever Christmas Tree Lighting, so it's gonna be a great day.
What are you doing to get in the Holiday Spirit?

A Story to be Remembered...

2011-11-21T15:22:00.000-08:00

You know how at some point, you start to realize that you're toddler is not a baby? She walks (runs), eats grown up food, and stops needing 3 changes of clothing everytime you leave the house. It's a mixed blessing to have a baby that is growing up.
BUT
Here is my story that will recount to all of you that toddlers still have lots of needs too...

Warning: Gross Baby Poop story to follow.

DH, Macie and I hit up Di.sneyland on Saturday. Now, the backstory is that Macie has had about 4 days of pooping 5 or 6 times. Sometimes soft, sometimes hard, but lots and lots of poop. We don't know if something in her diet changed that we can't pinpoint, or if she has some of daddy's spicy sauce on her rice and that caused it, but generally, it just means she's had a really red bottom (ouch!) and we're ointmenting it up.
At Disneyland, she said 'poopoos' at dinner and then a few minutes later, we smelled it. So I took her into the bathroom at fan.tasyland and they have to baby changing tables (formica countertops, nothing special - the childcare center is where you have breathing room to change them). I put her down and realized this was no ordinary poop. She had been wearing a big coat (because hello, it's like 55 degrees out and we so.cal folks have no temperature control. Everything below 72 might as well be freezing), and underneath that, her pants had exploded with poop all the way to her shoulders. SHOULDERS! She hasn't had a poop like this since she was 2 weeks old! Apparently as I had carried her, my arm had been under her jacket, so the poop is now all over the arm of MY jacket! And as I'm chaning her, I had done the public bathroom thing and laid the clean diaper underneath the dirty diaper to avoid her adorable bottom from having to rest on the surface where 100 other unknown baby bottoms had been. This meant I ruined the next diaper before I even put it on her.
THat's when I realized this situation was far from under control. The bathroom is crowded, there's a line of moms waiting to change their children's diapers, and I am stuck. I have no hope of getting out of there anytime soon. So I just mentally accept that this is my opportunity to be the parent all the other parents look at and think, 'gosh, I'm glad that's not me. How embarassing for her'. I start pulling off all the soiled clothing and thinking what am I going to do? I don't have more clothes...until I realized I DID! I had her PJ's with me (because she typically will fall asleep on the 20 minute drive home and hello, toddler already asleep, why wake her up? Just bring PJ's!). But if I didn't, I would've had to have left the bathroom with baby in diaper (and aren't I thankful that at least I still bring like 2 or 3 extra diapers with me incase something like this happens? But no clothes anymore.) and walk her down to main street and pay way too much for a micky onesie for her to wear home. But the PJ's saved it. And I mean those clothes were COVERED in Poop. I couldn't even rinse them out because it would've involved getting them soaked (and remember the super busy bathroom and super cold temperatures)
The lowest point for me, was when the 3rd woman next to me (who did not speak a word of English) kept looking over at me and shaking her head. She then put her diaper wipes on the counter between us and patted them, essentially telling me to take a whole bunch (I took a few because I needed them, then I took a few more...then she pulled our 5 or 6 more and put them next to me. I used them all. She laughed as she left. Not meanly, just laughed.). I appriciated her nice-ness.
And by the way, my daughter was now the one who's bottom was spreading poop all over the counter. Remember how I don't want to put her naked bottom on there? It's because of mom's and poop stories like this that I always wipe down the counter before hand. And I will even more so continue to do that now.
When I was finally ready to exit the bathroom, soiled clothes in one hand, pj'd toddler in the other, it had been about 15 minutes since I had gone in. DH had his own funny story. At about 5 minutes, he was telling himself, 'that must've been a bad one'. At 10 minutes he thought, 'okay, now I KNOW that was a bad one'. Around 15 minutes, he heard two ladies exiting the bathroom say to each other, 'could you believe how much poop that mom was dealing with!?'. Then I came out and when he saw Macie in her PJ's, he instinctively knew it had been a trying 15 minutes.

The story ends well. Macie rode the carousel in her PJ's, none the worse, and enjoyed herself. We headed home and she got a big bath the next morning (because of the whole, sleeping toddler thing).

She may be growing up, but I think she'll still need my help for a while. And why do we do all this?

Because she's just so much fun.

18 months!

2011-11-19T06:44:00.001-08:00

*this post is a week and a half late...*

Macie, You're so.much.fun.! Seriously, I couldn't be more excited about being your momma.
Stats: At your 18 month check up you were 34 inches tall (96th%). Only one more inch before you can go on the Gadget Roller Coaster in Toon Town! Maybe after mamma has your baby sister we can go together. By then you'll surely be taller than 35 inches! You were 28.8 Lbs. (92%). and your head was 86% (I don't remember the measurements). The doctor said you are the perfect height for your weight and your progress is exactly where it should be. You probably say around 15-20 words. Some of your favorites are:

Football! You went to 9 of 10 of Daddy's games this year. While they did well, they didn't make it to playoffs, but at least now his reward is more Macie time! You also met our mascot (we're Brahamas - Bulls to you and me) and I got the CUTEST picture. Check you out. You mastered the high five (just barely.)

You are running everywhere, that's nothing new. You are trying to jump (almost!) and you L.O.V.E to dance. You move your hands in the air and down again and twirling...you love to twirl.

You've got the music in you. You'll sit by momma at the piano and while mommy plays you help her and play a whole bunch too. After about 15 minutes though you've had it and you want mommy to stop playing and play with you (which I'm only too happy to do).

You are an outdoorsy baby too! (when do I have to stop saying baby? You look like such a little girl!) You enjoy playing outside and even now that it's cooler (like 60's ... ha!) you still love to go out with your cute jacket on.

We went to the pumpkin patch before halloween. We even took some pictures with your cousin Logan.

I don't know that he was interested, but it sure was cute.
Other words you say: Up (for both up and down), more, please, No (with a very cute tone. I don't know how long it will be cute for though), go,go,go (when watching football), and many others.

You are really starting to enjoy books! Just recently you found the 'No David!' books. I don't know if your daddy loves them, but you sure do. I think it's because it's a word you can say. You enjoy being read to every night before we pray. In your children's Bible you flip right to the back and just look at Jesus and the little children. I hope you grow up to love Jesus. More than anything.

You eat just about anything, but of course from day to day your tastes change and something you liked yesterday you don't like today...but we're dealing with it. I think Nana would make you just about anything you wanted, but Mommy and Daddy don't want you to be picky, so we just tough it out.

Speaking of toughing it out, you've had multiple time-outs. You are so fun, and with that comes a strong personality (where did you get that from!?). You love to stand up on your chair while staring us in the eyes, daring us to do anything. We give you a warning and if you do it again, you get the naughty stool. It's too early to tell if it's working, but since you generally cry, we figure it's probably doing something.

Macie, You're a sweetheart, and we love you so much. I hope you keep growing just as you are and let us love you for a long, long time!

55 Dollars

2011-11-06T05:58:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what you can do with 55 dollars...
You can eat a nice meal with your spouse.
You can fill up a small tank of gas in your car.
You can have your dog groomed.

Or:

You can find out the gender of your baby!

Looks like Macie will be having a sister in March! I was going to try to wait until our next Dr. Appointment in a few weeks and ask for a gender confirming ultrasound, but yesterday we were gathered with family, and we had lots of stuff to catch up on. My brother and SIL are moving - they finally sold their house. We were discussing the holidays, my father being in rehab (which is a good thing), and I just got this overwhelming urge to find the gender. So I made a joke, "I have half a mind to go to pr.enatal pe.ek and find out the gender". The whole room (including DH) said "okay!". So before I knew it people had looked up the phone number on their iphones and I was calling, they said "Come in now", and 55 dollars later, we saw our little girl!

I still mean it when I say that I couldn't be dissapointed. I just want a healthy baby. And that's sooooo true. But golly, I'm excited when I look at all the nice stuff Macie has (bedding, blankets, CLOTHES) and I think that I am grateful that I get to re-use them. I didn't grow up with a sister, but I always thought it would be fun. DH said he's going to start a Da.ve Ram.sey enevelope for femine hygene products. Ha. (holler if you have drinking from the FPU/D.ave Ramsey coolaide!).

So I have been a terrible blogger as of late (what can I say, teaching 4 classes, plus raising an 18 month old (tomorrow she'll be a year and a half!, and being 20 weeks pregnant has taken most of my energy). If it weren't for daylight savings time I don't know if I would've have even had a moment for this post!

Here is the big sister in her crib. I love that she looks like she's posing in this picture.

Ultrasound Appt

2011-10-25T15:27:00.000-07:00

So yesterday we had our next OB appointment and I'm pleased to announce, all is well! I have been asked over and over again, what do you hope it is? And I say, "I couldn't possibly be disapointed. I just want a healthy baby."
It looks like that's what I'm getting. My 2nd trimester bloodwork came back normal, no need for further testing. The ultrasound tech said everything looked great, she didn't see anything to be concerned about.
Amen! Praise the Lord!
Oh, and the baby had it's legs crossed and wouldn't budge.
So no gender identification.
But am I disappointed? No. Just happy about baby. I'm going to assume it's a girl until proven otherwise (I'm thinking since there was no shot of a penis that even with legs crossed, there is a better chance it's a girl).
I think I get another ultrasound in a few more months (I think) and at that point I'll drink a little OJ before the appointment to get some movement.

But seriously...What a relief. A healthy baby to this point. Tomorrow the baby will be 19 weeks. I'm so getting ready for this to happen. Or at least I should say that it's becoming more real. I'm excited and scared, all rolled into one.
Take care ladies!

16 weeks

2011-10-06T11:25:00.000-07:00

I don't have a belly shot for you, but I'll try to post one soon.
Yesterday marked week 16 for this pregnancy. I think it's a boy. My reason is because at the last appt. the heartbeat was found right away and with Macie, there was always a few tense moments as we were trying to find it. So I suppose in my head I think that it's difficult to find girl heartbeats and boy heartbeats will be easy to find. I'll find out on Oct. 24th! Which is 2 1/2 weeks away, but still rapidly approaching. That is the next dr. appt. I'm excited as DH and I are going to take the day off from work so we can both go to the ultrasound. Hoping for good news. (and by the way, in terms of gender, I couldn't be dissapointed. Boy or Girl = gift from God).
I think I'm feeling the baby move, it's nothing regular, but I feel the baby-shuffle every now and then. Last night I sneezed and then there was definate movement. It was very reassuring.
I just haven't had much time to post with being back at work and raising an (almost) 17 month old, but I'm still reading what you guys are writing. I decided one of the things I love about being connected on the blogging world is just finding out about traditions in other parts of the country. With my last post I have been inspired to finally try '5 Guys' as that sounds like a pretty popular place to eat. I have stopped my quest for burgers (as I finally started to gain weight, and that freaked me out a bit -- probably 3 pounds in 3 weeks...yikes!) but I'll still find a time to try 5 guys with the DH.

That's all for now. Just checking in, and I hope all is well in the blogosphere.

Checkup and The Great Hamburger Taste Test

2011-09-22T17:26:00.000-07:00

Let's start with the OB appt.
Measuring fine, no weight gain, blood pressure great, heartbeat found quickly.

That probably took me longer to type than the time I spent with the dr. I'm not really complaining, because if I spent more time with her, something would probably be wrong. But I'm pleased. Especially that we found the heartbeat after just a few moments. I'm hoping and praying for a posterier placenta this time instead of anterior (where you don't feel the baby for a lot longer, and it's more difficult to find the heartbeat with the doppler).

On to more delicious things:

The Great Hamburger Taste Test (If I could make that echo, I would. 'aste test, 'aste test, etc....)
I'm only admitting this because I haven't gained any weight so far. (Actually, I think I'm up a pound, but I wore jeans to the first appt. and I had a light skirt on today). BUT, I don't know if I would call is a craving, but in the last 5 weeks, I have been after hamburgers. I suppose it's a craving. It just sounded so good, all.the.time. And I was dieting all of spring, and even when I'm not dieting, I usually get a chicken burger or salad if we have to go fast food.

So I've decided to share what I've learned about fast food. You're welcome.

So maybe I just gave myself permission, but it started with Jack in the Bo.x. I really wanted an Ultimate Cheeseburger (which has 26 weight wa.tcher points, more than I'm allowed in a day). I planned my week, and I finally went for it. It was delicous. It made my mouth water. Pros - two patties of meat. And mayo! Where have you been all my dieting life! Cons - no lettuce, tomato, or anything designed to make me feel even a little bit healthy. Also, upgraded to the curly fries, and only had a few. Tasted like they had been made the day before.

Then the next time I was on my own for lunch, I hit up Burger Kin.g. Their burger is the Who.pper. It was good. Not great, but good. It had a good amount of veggies and stuff, but nothing about the burger was amazing or memorable. The fries were also satisfactory. Overall, a very satisfactory experience, but nothing noteworthy.

My next adventure was to Carl.s Jr. I think in other states it goes by Har.dee's. This burger was amazing. I must say, I knew enough to order it without onions (I don't hate onions, but raw onions can sometimes be overwhelming). The burger tasted as close to a barbequed burger as I found. There was a good amount of greenery on the burger and ultimatly the patty was delicious. By far, this was the best tasting burger I had. AND, pair with it with fries that were hot and fresh, this was the winner.

BUT, I wasn't done yet. I didn't know it was downhill from here. Now, if you live in Southern California (soon expanding everywhere), then you know In n Ou.t. (and I didn't try 5 guys, those just came to so. cal. Anyone have any experience with them? Should I continue my taste test and try them?). So at In n Out, DH actually joined me on this challenged. I decided to try a double double because in my life, I never had before, and heck, at this point, I'll probably never be so open about my red meat consumption, so I went for it. It was good. Really good. Probably second place. But it just didn't have the heartiness that I was craving. The fries are also hit or miss for me. They're made fresh (you watch the guys cut the potatoes) and sometimes they're just 'off'. It was an 'off' day for me. Maybe on another day this would beat Carl.s Jr., but not today. Overall, this was the best value though. Most food, least money. Delicious.

And I suppose I should share my opinion of the worst. This was the only place I had to drive a little bit out of my way in order try.
THe burger patty was practically falling apart, even in the bun, and the pickels tasted too sweet. Maybe they were the bread and butter kind instead of the dill that I am used to on a burger, but I didn't love it. The fries were 'eh', and it just didn't mesh. Not memorable, not gonna eat that particular burger again (I would go back, just try something else).

And then that leads to today. I thought I was done, but as I was on my way to my OB appointment, I had some extra time to kill and lunch to eat, so I thought I'd try So.nic. I didn't grow up eating sonic, there's only 3 within a 100 mile radious of my house that I know of, but a new one is not too far from my dr. office. So I went for it. I tried a regular soni.c burger combo with tots and a vanilla die.t coke (I am allowing myself one diet coke per day while pregnant. I've given up coffee in order to do this). Well, the Vanilla diet coke was amazing. The burger was fine. Probably as good as the who.pper from Bur.ger king. But the tots were a nice salty side dish. This would rank in the middle.

This concludes my five weeks of burger tasting. Are you grossed out by the red meat or are you thinking, "how could I do this in MY town?!"
I'd love to know your thoughts. Did I miss any places? Even if they're regional to your city, I'm always looking for the next burger (by always I mean since the past 5 weeks have led me towards burgers).

Final thoughts:
Every single place except In. N Out asked me if I wanted to 'go medium', or 'go large'. I always said no (I'm pregnant not rediculous) and every time I didn't finish all the food. This mindset of paying 40 cents more for 500 more calories is a problem in America. We don't need, and we need to stop offering it.

When I share this experiment with friends IRL, I ask what they think my favorite was, and every time people have said Carl's J.r. Apparently I've been missing out for a few years by just eating chicken burgers. Everyone else seemed ot know that CJ's burgers are better. And now I have proof to agree.

Just Truckin' Along...

2011-09-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

Did I mention it's football season?

Our next Dr. appointment is this Thursday. I'm excited and of course nervous. I'm just anxious to hear that little heartbeat again. I'm hoping we'll schedule the big ultrasound, as tomorrow I'll be 14 weeks. This is getting exciting. This morning as I was laying on the bed (ignoring the need to actually get OUT of bed) I was feeling my abdomen and I really can tell that the uterus is growing. (I hope that's not too gross). Under my belly button is much more firm. I'm not showing all that much when standing, (hence no pictures) but I'm pretty fired up to see how this pregnancy looks compared to the last.
AND,
I was all excited because I hadn't gained any weight...until this week. Ha. I seem to be up 2 pounds. I haven't been eating very well, and I suppose that will catch up with you sooner or later, so now I'm back to watching it again. Not starving myself, just watching what I'm putting into my mouth.

And, as an adendum to the last post, I think Macie may have figured out this whole 1 nap thing. Tomorrow would be one week of taking one nap from about noon until 2:30 or 3 every day. The problem is we started Bible study last night and we kept her up until about 9:30, so we'll see how the sitter does with her today, but I'm hopeful she may have transistioned to one nap (we've been working on this for almost 3 months). When did your little ones successfully go from two naps to one?

16 months!

2011-09-09T15:41:00.000-07:00

Well, our Miss Macie is 16 months old (on the 7th) and it's time to update about how she's growing!
Macie, at 16 months you:

Love Brushing your teeth! (and momma loves that Dadda does this with you most nights after you drink your milk)

Say Momma, Dadda, touch, moon, and a whole bunch of other words. Dee Dee Dow is an expression you use all.the.time. You're daddy and I don't know what it means, but we think it's awful cute.

You finally have enough hair (and momma has enough skills) for pigtails. You don't always leave them in, but they are super cute! You haven't had a haircut, but I'm contemplating having it cut just to even some parts out. We'll have to see about that.

Love reading Goodnight moon (at all times of the day). You love to say "hush" with the old lady who was whispering hush.

You have watched a baby genious DVD that has songs on it, and you will be in the middle of the grocery store or ta.rget and start doing the tune of 'the whe.els on the bus'. I really hope you love music as much as your momma. And especially that you love Praising Jesus as much as your parents.

Naps are hard. You take one good nap, and usually get really, really cranky around 5 pm. Just late enough that we don't want you to take a nap, but just early enough that 3 hours to bedtime is really rough. Last night you gave daddy a run for his money while momma was at a church meeting. We're hoping in the next few months (weeks, days maybe!) to get the one nap to 3 hours or so, so that you'll just be content with one nap. It's not like one day they need two naps and the next day it's one. It's been about 3 months of transition so far. Boo.

Also, discipline is getting more complicated. We haven't spanked you, but you don't seem to mind the 'clap. growl' (dr. karp) or timeout. You're just pretty go with the flow when you are in trouble. Sounds like trouble for mama!

You got sick almost a month and a half ago. It was scary, you actually had a fever that got up to 105! The after hours care was less concerned with your temperature because you were still behaving okay. But geez, don't scare us like that again! It turned out to just be something viral that only lasted about 48 hours (and your temp wasn't that high the whole time), but it was awful. No more sickness!

You just cut your 15th tooth. Just missing one incisor and your back four molars. Pretty good I'd say.

You are a GOOD eater. You still eat veggies without complaint. The only trick is to give you the food in order. Veggies first, main course, then fruit. You would eat fruit all the live long day if we let you. Not that it's bad, just that we want you to get all the nourishment you need!

You help daddy make breakfast.

Generally Macie, you are one of the sweetest kids I've ever met. You aren't perfect, but you sure are fun. If your little sibling is as fun as you, we're going to have a good time in the future!

Back to Work

2011-08-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

Today marks a week and a half that I've been back at work. I think I've mentioned that this year I get to be 'part' time. This is fantastic. As a high school teacher, it's not always easy to get a partial assignment. What this means is, I work every day of the week, but I'm technically done at 11:10. yup. 11:10! It's amazing! It's hard though. The tardy bell rings for my first class (zero period) at 7:00. I have 39 kids in my zero period economics class. If you think I'm crazy for being up that early, just imagine them! At least I'm getting paid!
It's been going well, but it's made for a busy mama. When I get home (between 12 and 1 depending on how much preparing I have to do for the next day) I find that Macie is usually just waking up. LOVE it! The only down side...I'M SO TIRED! I'm so excited to have another baby, but it's made the back to work transistion a little tougher than before. So the afternoons we have to be creative, also, it's been so hot that almost everyone is cranky.
What do you all do when it's hot in the afternoon and there's no nap in sight? I'd love some input!

OB appt

2011-08-27T09:41:00.000-07:00

Wednesday was our first appointment with my regular OB. With my first pregnancy I took the easy route. I figured one OB was as good as another. Anybody laughing yet? Exactly. He was not the Dr. for me. We ended up switching to another Dr around 5 months. And while the experience was fine, this time I've sought out a better doctor. The one that everyone gets so excited when they hear her name. And I must say, I was not disappointed. She was worth the wait (yes, I waited about 20 minutes while naked with the gown open in the front). Super nice, lots of energy, very relate-able.
Thank you!
So the appointment Wednesday was just her. She said things looked good, but my ultrasound wasn't scheduled until Friday (yesterday). So yesterday I got to see this:

Yup. There's a baby in there!

So there you have it! We measured a week ahead of where we thought we were. So as of today I am 10 weeks 4 days. My due date was changed to March 21st. I told the US tech that made sense since my HCG levels were so high.

Last night we told my mother in law (who only cried twice) and today we'll share with my brother and sister in law. It's hard figuring out the order in which to tell people. I haven't told any of my friends (unless hairstylist counts), and I don't want my family to put anything on line (this is when I hate facebook), so I think this will be the week where we tell everyone.

We know a lot can still happen, but I also know that this is God's baby, and if I get to take care of it for 10 weeks or 70 years, it's still God's. It's hard to register that bad things can happen, but I also feel like I wasted a lot of my first pregnancy being worried, and I want to give that up this time. (any solutions to worrying? ha).

But there is our update. Now we're just trying to stay cool. It's supposed to be about 104 today. But I know some of you are having a hurricane head your way, so I've completely got the temperature in perspective. AND, might I add, that some fellow Southern Californians were so mean about the Earthquake in DC - making fun. BUT, can I just say that we get half an inch of rain and it becomes 'Storm watch, 2011' on the news. (I'm not making that up). If we had a hurricane or tropical storm heading toward up, you would think Jesus would be coming with it. So I'm hoping everyone stays safe and dry no matter where you are.

Happy Saturday

Vacation and...

2011-08-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

A heartbeat!
Sorry it has taken so long to post, I'm just getting used ot our good news! We had a heartbeat at 6w3d and so far so good. It's still a long haul, and I am being cautios, but each day that goes by without spotting is a huge hurtle as far as I'm concerend. I'ts not the best picture, but it's what the doc gave us, it's the measure of the baby. A grain of rice has never wreaked so much havoc on a human body (actually, it happens all the time), but again we are pleased and shocked and hoping this is not just a dream.

And then one of the reasons I"m not posting much these days is that we went to Lake Tahoe for a week in Nor Cal. It was beautiful as always and lots of fun. We were with friends and family and we chose not to tell them about our news, so I was a little more quiet than usual (seeing as how I was thinking about the baby every other thought but then couldn't say anything). So this is another reason why this blog is so helpful, it's a place to share and be happy. We're not waiting for a particular reason to tell everyone, I just have this image of being already in my second trimester before we share our news, and then the wait for everyone won't be as long. ALTHOUGH, we already told my mom (she babysat while we went to the ultrasound), and then the nanny house-sat for us while we were on vacation and I got home and realized I left the positive pregnancy test on the counter in the bathroom. Oops. She didn't mention it, but I'm pretty sure she knows. Ha. The best laid plans.

Football coaching starts for DH tomorrow, and then the following week is teacher meetings. I'm not dreading the school year, but I'm planning to enjoy these next few weeks before going back to work.

How are you spending the end of summer?

Getting Closer

2011-08-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

This Friday is our ultrasound. I'm mostly confident, but every now and then I don't feel much of anything and my mind goes berzerk. But then my boobs will ache and I'll thank God. Whatever happens, I know this is in God's will, but it's still so weird. I am having the hardest time getting over a 'planned, yet still unplanned' pregancy. We were trying. But...it happened! And, no matter what the outcome, one reason I'm shocked is that for the 3 full years we tried before having Macie I never had a positive preganncy test. Not one. Just stark white and blank.
And in March we had a chemical pregnancy (but still a positive test), and now this. I'm actually 6W1D. THat floors me. God is so amazing, and has done such powerful things, but something as 'mundane' as creating a baby just blows my mind. I don't know why our journey included all those years of no baby, I just know that God has given me the best family I could have dreamed of and it was all in His time and He is never wrong. So we are praising God for this pregnancy, and working really hard to keep it a secret for a while. For a myriad of reasons, but the biggest, is that our last pregancy was so long. We told everyone at 7 weeks. If we can wait until 12 or 14+ weeks, then there will be a little less waiting around. (in theory).
I'll check in when I know more. I'm doing another blood draw tomorrow in anticipation of Friday's ultrasound.

Quick update

2011-07-28T10:50:00.000-07:00

I know this is way late, but I got Friday's beta results on monday, and it was good. 7000. That's a tremendous growth.
It's now Thursday and we have an ultrasound scheduled for next Friday. I'm excited, but at moments I don't feel quite as pregnant, and I just wonder how everythings going. I'm looking forward to all kinds of nausea and sickness so I have more confidence. Ultimately though, I know my confidence is in Christ and that is enough.
But I still struggle with worry. So...praise Jesus for each day this baby is growing and developing. I'll post more when I know more. Happy weekend everyone! (early)

keeping you updated

2011-07-19T20:41:00.000-07:00

So this morning I got a hold of the RE and the nurse had me do some blood work. They checked my Beta and Progesterone.
Drum Roll Please...
Beta: 1500
Progesterone: 24.6

She broke it down for me. My LMP was June 21st (maybe the 20th, depending on how you look at it, I started the afternoon of the 20th, but not full flow until the 21st).
Anyway, The nurse said this afternoon that they like to see the numbers over 100 for this time. And I'm at 1500. So I'm not thinking twins, I'm thinking I ovulated early. And if it were twins, I would have to publicly apologize to J.lo. and Mark An.thony*. But seriously? That's a high beta.
Also, she said the if someone is not on a progesterone supplement they want to see the level around 14-15, and if they are, they want it to be around 25. So without a supplement I'm super high.

I'm hoping this is a sticky baby for sure. Thank you for all your nice comments. I feel like there have been so many 'second' baby announcements lately and I know up until last night I was worried that wouldn't ever happen for us. So I'm still praying and thinking for this baby and for all of you ladies.
I also know that there is a LONG journey between now and whenever the due date would be.
All I know is that right now I want to go put my fee up on the couch and watch the lastest Next Foo.d Network Star with my husband.
My next blood draw will be this saturday, and then an ultra sound the first week in August. Thank you for being so encouraging. It was hard not to tell everyone today what I was thinking about, but it's helpful to share this with you all sweet ladies.

On to the tv!

*I was really mean when JLo announced that they had a hard time conceiveing and then 'suddenly' became pregnant with twins. I think the words 'liar' and 'false' were used. It's difficult to imagine there was no reproductive help for them to concieve. Althought ultimately, who cares, right?

Surprise

2011-07-19T07:37:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to get AF today, so last night I took a preg.nancy test just to confirm it was negative before gearing up for this FET.
Um...It was positive.
It was REALLY positive. I didn't take a picture, but the control line is much darker than the hcg line.
I didn't even have to wait for the test. By the time I finished going #1, I glanced down, and it was positive.
Does this mean I'm pregnant? I had that chemical pregnancy last March/April, and I'm a little gunshy, but you bet your bottom dollar I'm calling the RE today. Not only because I need to update them about the cycle, but because I think I want to be monitored by them. I know it's an out of pocket expense, but when it comes to this pregnancy...I'm trying hard not to be too excited.
I also know that last time I started spotting at 4w1d, and that would be tomorrow. So I'm not calling the ob/gyn for a week or so. But the RE? I'll be calling him as soon as they open.
I'd covet your prayers here. We're not telling anyone IRL, for as long as we can, so that's why I'm sharing so early here. There has to be a place to talk about it, you know?!

Oh.My.Word. A positive pregnancy test. Hoping for good numbers and everything! I'll keep you all updated as soon as I know what hte plan will be.

What we're up to

2011-07-10T18:52:00.000-07:00

We did two weeks of 'parent and me' swim lessons. This equated to 30 minutes a day of holding Macie trying to get her to blow bubbles. It was terrific. I loved every moment of it. She enjoyed the water more and more each day, and by the end, we even 'dropped' her off the diving board (into the hands of her instructor). She signed that she wanted 'more'. It was super cute.

Isn't this girl just adorable! Below is us today. The swim lessons have made me look super tan, but now I don't have foundation that matches my skin tone (I know, poor me!). I'm just justifying the lack of makeup I have on.

And lastly, my cousin got married on Friday and posed for a picture. It was beautiful, and we had a nice time. Macie missed her afternoon nap however, so by 7 o'clock she had had it.

Dh only has 2 more weeks of summer school and then we'll get two weeks off together as a family before teacher meetings start. Where does the time go? I'm not worrying about it, but every once in a while I have to remind myself that summer won't last forever.

And in other infertility news, we have decided to persue a FET at the end of August. I had an intake appointment with the same RE we used before. We have two embryos left, one 6 cell, one 7 cell (at 3 days I think) and everything so far looks like a go. Tomorrow I will have a mock transfer for the Dr. to make his notes, and once I start my period in a few weeks I'll begin the nuv.a ring and it'll be on! We're trying to avoid telling anyone IRL, just two girlfriends that I meet with weekly know. Not that we have anything to be ashamed of, mostly because we want to maybe have a chance to surprise people. Maybe.

What have you been up to?

All About Macie!

2011-06-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

Macie is 13 1/2 months, and I just feel like time is going so quickly. This is my documentation of all things Macie at this stage.
Macie has been taking steps since 9 months and walking well since 10 months.
She currently calls almost everyone 'Dada' or 'hidada'. It's cute, but I'm still trying to get a mama out of her directed towards me. Ha.
Her first word was "agua" which is spanish for Water. We're trying to teach her both english and spanish, but I know we need to be speaking more spanish at home than we do.
Other words are 'touch' (it sounds like ta-ch), hi (usually hidada), ca for car, ka-ka for coffee (and in turn, all hot beverages).
Sign language words are more, please, all done, water, milk.

I admit, I wonder if because she's got 3 lanugages (including sign) that she's not speaking as much as she 'should'. She has never even tried to speak please or more because the signing gets the point across so well.

She communicates well, if you ask her where something is, she'll usually point. She knows who mom, dad, nana, and uncle Jim are. And her dogs, Gipper and Nancy.
When she's really tired she'll start acting drunk and that's how we know to put her to bed. She'll walk around in circles until she falls down, she'll get slap happy, and she starts to tickle EVERYONE. It's really my favorite time of day.
At 13 1/2 months she is still taking two naps. Generally one from 9-11 and then another one from 2-4 (or 3-4). She goes to bed around 8 and gets up around 7. well, those are the times she's in her crib. She may actually wake up before 7, but she plays nicely and doesn't scream so I leave her in there until 7.

Macie eats breakfast when she gets up, this week che.erios and bananas do the trick. Lunch is when she wakes up from her morning nap, pb&j or girlled cheese are lunch time staples (with a healthy dose of cottage cheese since she doesn't drink a lot of milk these days). Sometimes a snack when she wakes up from her afternoon nap, and then family dinner around 6. She still takes a bottle of 8-10 oz of whole milk before going to bed, but she's less and less interested in that and it's just breaking my heart! I love the cuddle time the bottles gave us, and I'm sad to see it go. She weaned herself off the morning bottle just about a few weeks ago, and we stopped the lunch/dinner bottles after her birthday.
Macie drinks all liquids from a straw (beside the before bed bottle). She never took to a sippy cup, and I'm so happy with the straw I just don't want to try the sippy cup again.

This little girl is a huge blessing and staying home with her for the summer is my own personal blessing. I will say that it's not always easy. Just this week we've had what i would consider her first full-blown tantrum (she wanted a cracker before her milk and that's not how we operate in this house!). I know there are tough times a head, but she is so sweet and I'm so honored to be entrusted to take care of her that I can honestly say every moment is worth it.

That's all for now, just want to have some good documentation of how my little one was at 13 months. Happy Thursday to you all.

2011-06-16T16:07:00.001-07:00

Well, here we are and I love it! This is the second week I've been out of school and I'm just lapping it up. Last week was fun because dh had 3 days off before summer school started, so we really enjoyed ourselves. We had debated about renewing our dis.neyland passes because we knew she was just too little to appriciate all things di.sney. HOWEVER, we realized that most of our friends have them and WE miss them, so we took dh's coaching stipend and purchased them.
Family picture outside the petting zoo.
Waiting for the Mark T.wain boat to go!
We went on a few rides - I think Dum.bo was the current favorite, and have since been there 3 times (only for a few hours at a time...girl's got to nap).

Here's Macie girl with her dad on the teacups.

Then we were able to take a short family vacation to Huntin.gton Beach and stay at the Hy.att (which I HIGHLY reccommend, especially for families).

Okay, and this picture is just one of my favorites. my mom bought this outfit for Macie and I realized I needed to put her in it before she outgrew it. Shirley Temple Black lookout!

And this last picture just goes to show the bigger you are, the harder you cry. (this is my nephew with Macie by the way)
Happy summer everyone!

Back in it ...again

2011-06-01T13:13:00.001-07:00

I just called the RE.
Oh my. What an interesting set of feelings I'm having.
No, I'm not PG, just trying to get that way. After last month's trial of se.x for 7 days in a row, I was really hoping that would do the trick. And then it didn't.

So I'm feeling like I have two more embryo's in storage, and I don't want to hem and haw about them. I don't want to ttc for another year and then have to make the decision about what to do. So we're just going to do it.
What spurred this is that we received the storage bill of 600 dollars that is due by June 4th. So it really made me think, am I going to store these two embryo's for the next two years and just try on our own? But then there is a small part of me that thinks since we did get pg, even if only briefly, maybe we don't need this FET? But both DH and I feel an obligation to these embryos to find out if they will take or not. I'd be so conflicted if I got PG without our dr. and then suddenly I'm 38 with 3 kids and have to decide what to do with these embryo's.
If they don't take, then at least we'll KNOW. And if we aren't pg again we'll cross over the bridge of another fresh cycle if/when we come to it.

All I know is, I'm back on the bandwaggon. I just called the RE and made our first appointment for July 5th. I'm a bit surprised that it is a fresh appointment, like starting over again. Meet with a nurse for a history, meet with the dr; go for an ultrasound. I suppose that's what's right, but I even have to get a referral from my primary care physician again, in hopes that my HMO will cover half the cost of the intake appointment. So that appointment is next Tuesday, June 7th.
Can you believe it? Back in it. Trying to win it. I am completely filled with different emotions. Adding number two feels much, much different than number 1 did.

I pray for God's direction in my life, and ask that the Lord would lead my family in the way He sees best.

Wouldn't be great to have another blessing like this one?

6 out of 7

2011-05-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

I realized I never did a follow up to my post on the attempt to have 'marital relations' with dh for 7 days in a row.
We made is 6 out of 7.
I'd like to say that it made a huge change in our marriage. And it certainly was good. But I don't feel like our marriage is in trouble, and there hasn't been a huge shift in the universe since, but it was a good challenge, and I reccomend it.
The first day was probably the hardest (which is weird, right?) because we had gotten into a snit about something and I really had to work hard to deal with that situation instead of letting it simmer because we both knew we wanted to start this 'project' that night.
So that was really good. Both of us giving a little for the greater good of each other.
The sixth night was actually a date night, but we got home at 11:00, and that just wasn't going to happen. Plus my mom stayed the night to watch the baby and while that hasn't stopped us before (she doesn't read this blog), it did that night.
I learned that even if there isn't time for an afternoon delight than 8:30 isn't the worst time in the world like I used to think it was. I don't know if I could be up for the 365 days in a row that I've heard of. That just sounds hard. (excuse the pun).
Okay, enough humor, back to work grading papers at lunch. Only a few more weeks of work till I am a Stay at Home Mom all summer long!

Macie is One!

2011-05-18T15:53:00.000-07:00

So on the 7th we had a rip-roaring, good ole' western birthday for our little one. It was so much fun, really made possible by me relinquishing control and letting people help me. I did so much pre-planning that when it came to that day I thought everything would go smoothly. And it did. But really because DH's family was there to help out and it seemed to be fun for everyone.

We were at a local park where we go frequently for walks in our neighboorhood. Very nice.

We had hamburgers, chips, dip, watermelon, ice tea and coca cola in bottles. Nothing says 'western' to me like drinking coke from a bottle (which I didn't do because of course I'm still dieting and while I have been hugely successful, I still am ...well, slightly huge. Ha!) My dad's parents were able to be there as well as my mothers' mom. We surprised my mom by flying her mom and sister in for the day (and because the next day was mothers day).

There was a pinata filled with candy.

We had stick horse races, but the dad's ended up helping out. There weren't a TON of kids, so we got the dad's involved. Notice Macie in the corner. All she wanted to do was collect the cones.

She's on her way. Don't know where, but she's got a balloon. What more does a 1 year old need?
Then there was the cake. I couldn't decide what to do, but with about 40 people, I knew I needed a lot of it. So I just stuck with a half-sheet and a 9x13 on top. I'm not gonna lie, I was really proud of how it turned out. My Grandmother taught me how to do cakes a few years ago (I think learning to sew would've been better for my waistline though). Here is me at home working on it the night before.

Dh took care of Macie most of the night because it took me a while. As in 3 hours just to decorate. I'm hoping in the future to get faster at it (that doesn't include cooking time. I baked it and put it in the freezer a few days earlier.) It was a success! Thank you GG!I was just gonna have a piece of cake for macie and not a separate 'smash' cake, but I had made an extra square of cake to perhaps make a 3rd layer, but I didn't, so I just decided to make a little one. I didn't apparently get a great picture of it. It says "Macie Smash!"
She was completely into the cake.
She cried when my mom took it away. She probably would've eating the whole thing if I'd let her (where did she get that from? ha!)

Macie, you are a doll and I love you more than I ever thought possible. I can't wait for lots more birthdays together!

Peak and Pit

2011-05-13T14:07:00.000-07:00

Peak:
This week the peak had to be last Saturday, because my baby girl turned 1!
There are about 500 pictures I have to go through before I can even begin to post them, so I'll try to get to that later. We had a blast, it was a cowgirl theme, and the girl loved her cake (was there any doubt?). There were all kinds of surprises and it was a terrific day. I also realized how much better things are if I let people help me instead of trying to micro-manage every part of a party. Bring on the help!
Pit:
Our girl had her Dr. appt. yesterday for her 12 month/1 year visit. While everything was great, I, er, she had to endure five shots! And we were told she could have a reaction up to 5 days later! So now comes the point of just watching her and making sure she is in tip top shape. She's also busting through her first molar, so that could cause a cranky child as well. Boo.

Her 12 month stats are:
Height: 31 1/4 inches (almost 10 inches in one year! Could you imagine if adults still grew that much!?) - 95th %
Weight: 24 lbs, 5 oz. 9th%
Head: 95th%

Did I mention our girl is not small? She's got most of the milestones reached, except she's not saying mama and dada yet. She says mamamammamam and Dadadadadada, but she hasn't quite said them to us. She knows what they mean, but she just hasn't spoken them. I'm wondering if the multiple languages is affecting that. I just mean that DH is teaching her spanish, I'm teaching her English, and we all teaching her baby sign language. I think it's just a lot for her to process. When did your little one's start saying mama and dada?

AND
How was your week this week? What was the 'peak' and 'pit'?

Trying

2011-05-05T12:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm ready to try.
I'm ready to TRY to have a second baby.
It hasn't been as fast of a desire as I thought it would be. I thought I would LOVE to be PG again right away. Until I realized how tired a baby can make you. And how I keep hearing that going from 1 to 2 children is harder than 0 to 1! (do you guys agree? Input please!)

So this month we are officially trying. And I have lots of thoughts about that which I'm sure will be a few more posts (you're welcome), but my first thought is kind of weird and it's about bd-ing: baby dancing (that's se.x for those of you who are new to the lingo).

Before we got pregnant with Macie, our pastor was preaching on marriage and how important se.x is. How it is a great temptation to do it before you get marriage, but a greater temptation NOT to after you're married. So he challenged the congregation to have se.x every single day for a week.
At the time we were going through treatments, and AF was in town, so we just didn't. And I have always remembered that we didn't.
THEN, partner that with bd-ing. Does se.x equal a baby? We did get pg last month (and lost it) so maybe it's possible that we can be successful.

Does anyone see where I'm going with this?
DH and I talked about this last night and he is on board (not a surprise), and from this Sunday to next Sunday we're going to be intimate every day. It's two fold. I think it'll be good for our marriage and...maybe, just maybe... God will choose this to be the time to get PG with another baby.

Anywho, when we first were trying, a number of people said, "just have se.x every day for the whole month". And we never did. So my next thought is, did you? You don't have to describe it, but I'm curious if I'm the only one who never did every day. The Dr.'s suggested every other day, and we did that, but not every day.

And my next idea...is let me challenge you girls to do the same! I'd love to know if any of you want to try. It's like national 'work on your marriage week! I think our husbands would love it. But, make sure your husband knows that it's not just his week to get lucky. The husbands need to make sure the wives are in the mood, and help out around the house so the women can have a chance to enjoy the se.x, not just check it off the list.

Controversy! I want to know your thoughts!

Edited to add: The pastor challenged the Married Couples to do it. If you're single, probably having se.x 7 days in a row might not be the best idea a pastor ever had. Funny.

Chromosomes

2011-05-03T12:42:00.000-07:00

My friend R. is going through IVF. She has been through it before. Her story is that she started TTC the same time I did. She got pg one year into the process and lost the baby at 6 weeks. She and her husband continued to try on their own. After 2 years I started seeing the RE and a year and half later we became pregnant with Macie.
R. and her husband started using the same RE just a year after we did. They did the whole spectrum of testing, and IUI, and injectables and everything. The ended up doing IVF last summer and it worked, they got pg! Then at 8 weeks, at the regular ob they found that the baby had stopped growing. So a D & C for her.
They decided to save their money for another cycle and just test the heck out of the embryo's to see what's been going on. Just last week they retrieved 10 Oocytes and 8 fertilized. Only two embryo's had the right chromosomes.
This has blown my mind. Out of 10 eggs, only 2 were 'right'. I put 'right' in quote because God doesn't make mistakes, but the ones that add up are scarce. Now R. is 38 years old. When her husband asked the Dr. if this was normal, he said it is normal for someone her age.

This scares me.
Does this mean that for all of us who are not doing genetic testing, we really don't know what could happen? I used to think that for every embryo that was growing, there was a chance for a healthy baby. But that is just not the case. How many times did I wonder why it took 5 embryo's for us to achieve one baby? And what about the recent miscarriage? Does that mean that baby wasn't 'right'? Probably.

I just hadn't previously considered that there could be so many genetic questions.
Have any of you done genetic testing? Were your numbers similar to R.'s? Or what are your thoughts?

And even more, how on earth do celebrities (minus Celine Dion) make it look so easy? I'm a huge Tina F.ey fan. And here she is, expecting #2 at age 40. (at least 40). But it's just not that easy.

Pit and Peak

2011-04-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

Peak:
I have so many this week! My first peak is that my baby is about to turn a year old! Next Saturday she'll be 1! I'm planning a lovely Cowgirl themed party (any suggestions about cutesie names for food are welcome - ex: Cowgirl Chips for chips) and almost everyone we invited is coming, which is kind of scary.
Another peak also involves my little one. She learned how to 'tickle' me this week. I put it in quotes because she just mostly says a high pitched shriek that I know (mother's intuition) is her trying to say 'tickle' and then she squeezes her hands in my face like she's making the milk sign. But I'm positive she's trying to 'tickle' me. DH saw the whole thing again last night and he was cracking up that she can do that.
Pit:
At work we're starting AP (Advanced Placement) and IB (International Baccalaureate) testing. Usually this is a great time of year, but it means that I have to move classrooms so they can break down the wall between my classroom and the teacher next door. So before the end of the day I have to pack up everything I think I might need for the next two weeks because my room will be inaccessible (the walls will be stacked up against my shelves and drawers). So it's not the worst thing in the world, but it's a pretty big inconvience.

What was your pit and peak this week?

When to Proceed

2011-04-25T12:16:00.000-07:00

In light of our recent loss, I am in a quandry about when to use our frozen embryo's. I don't want to wait too long, but I also am thinking, what if we were able to get pregnant on our own! I feel so encouraged by this recent pregnancy, even if it didn't stick, that I keep thinking maybe it'll just happen. This is how I felt for the first year and a half that we were trying to get PG, but in all that time I had never seen a positive. Then we tried for another year and a half before we were successful.
And then came Macie. She is just the best, most good-natured baby. I had a great weekend with her. We had fun and Easter was great.
And while I'm not complaining, it's just that I have a desire to make Macie into a big sister. So then the question becomes: When?
Do we aim for August? As a teacher, that would be the most ideal time. Or should we try longer? We're not even offically trying now, but of course you all know what that means. It still means hoping and all that jazz.
The other factor is that I have lost about 39 pounds since Jan. 2nd (horray!), but I still have much to loose. I'm beyond the baby weight, but the 3 years of trying did nothing good for my waste-line. It wasn't the IVF, it was all the months of thinking 'maybe I'm pg! I should eat for the good of the baby!'.
So I am stuck. When is the 'right' time to have a baby. If there is something I have learned from infertility is that I have NO control over when I will have a baby. So why am I even asking myself when?
Do any of you have any insight to share? Either your own experiences or friends?

Happy What?

2011-04-21T08:56:00.001-07:00

This Friday is Good Friday.
This Friday is Earth Day.

Isn't it interesting (and sad) that I have seen nothing in the media about Good Friday. And the graphic we have for Easter on our weather station is a bunny.
Does anyone remember what it is we're celebrating? The bunny and eggs are a sign of Spring, and God created seasons, so I'm not anti-bunny. God created the Earth, so Earth day is great. But I need to talk about my Savior. Jesus was killed so that you and I could be free. But our society has gone so far away from these truths because it's not an easy topic to discuss. It's really difficult for the self made man (or woman) to accept that they're lacking in anything.
But we are.
So instead of filling the hole in our hearts with the love of Christ, we fill it with taking care of the earth. We fill it with good causes, but not things that cause us to draw closer to God. I want society to remember the gift that is free. And that is what the Easter season is about. Not bunnies, not Earth day, but the free gift of Grace given by God through Jesus.

So not happy Earth day.
Not happy bunny day.

Happy Easter ladies. Glory to God.

SURL-What you're reading

2011-04-15T12:51:00.001-07:00

Kelly At kelly's Korner she's sharing what you're reading.

I am a history teacher, and I have to say, I go through periods of time where I get completely wrapped up in the Space Race. I think it started when I saw Apollo 13 as a senior in high school. I think I saw it in the theatre 2 or 3 times. And as a side note, I remember that movie being out at the same time as While You Were Sleeping. I think I saw both of those over and over again in the theatre. Great flick. Back to Space, A few years ago I decided to teach a unit on the Space Race in my World History class (after state testing is done, teachers have more freedom to pick the curriculum they enjoy). I LOVED IT! I think the first Bio I read was Jim Lovell. He is still one of my favorites to read about from the space program. He and his wife Marilyn did a commentary on the 10th anniversary of Apollo 13's release and I just enjoy his stories. I also really admire that their marriae was one of the few NASA marriages to survive. So this was a great read:

I followed that up by reading Gene Kranz (one of the flight directors)and then I found Chris Kraft, one of the major mission control gurus. I actually forgot what his title was. Then for a few years I put down the Space books and got busy. But just a few months ago I found this great used bookstore in my town and I found John Glenn's Bio. He was the first American to orbit the Earth, became a congressman and then went into space a few years ago as the oldest American in space. His love for his wife is endearing, although we may have some different political views.So finally, after all of that here is what I am actually reading. That used bookstore also had Frank Borman's book. He was on Apollo 8 (amoungst others) with Jim Lovell and they orbited the moon. He then became president of Eastern Airlines. I haven't gotten that far ing hte book though. And then...because I am such a nerd and this is beocming the longest post ever in the history of the world to be about the Space Race, I'll tell you that over Spring Break, DH, Macie and I went to the national Air and Space museaum in San Diego. I picked up a copy of Buzz Aldrin's book while there. I am almost finished with it. He has been on quite a journey since coming back from Apollo 11. THe story describes what it was like to cope with having acheived the greatest thing 'man' has ever done, and then what happens from there. It's an interesting story of depression and alcoholism. Not exactly the guy I remember from 'punky brewster', but still interesting none-the-less. I should finish this by the weekend.

and then, I want to end with probably the smartest guy I've been reading. Our Bible study is on Romans and DH and I are currently Co-leading. So we're using Chuck Swindol's commentary. Man, that guys is smart. He's got a lot of information in this book. It's NOT a fast read because there is just so much to think about. If you want in-depth, go with Chuck. Alright, this was a long, nerdy post. WHat have you all been reading? Link up! And if you know of any other biographies I should be reading, let me know!

Have You Ever...?

2011-04-14T12:32:00.003-07:00

Have you ever put your underwear on inside out, noticed it 5 minutes later, and didn't do anything about it? Yup, that was me yesterday. It was just that kind of morning. Maybe that's me oversharing (you're welcome) with all of you. But I know you guys have your quirks too. What are you hiding?

It's 'almost' funny

2011-04-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

How are you all? Including our recent 'loss', it's been an interesting time for us. So many things are breaking! Household things, items in my classroom...I'm starting to feel superstitious, just a little. Since March 1st, here is what has broken or not worked properly: The leak in the wall - I think I told you about this. This has meant that we had to have 8 industrial dryers in our house for 6 days, part of the floor ripped up, and repainting of walls. Today the new flooring is being installed. Of course there is no perfect match so we get new flooring (yea!) but it's a huge hassle (boo). The Dryer - our year and half old brand new dryer! The belt snapped. That was a 200 dollar repair. Yikes! The windshield on our car - we were hit by a small rock in January and it made a really small crack. Yesterday dh washed the car and the crack spread across the entire windshield. Almost not driveable...but I drove it to work today anyway! We have an appointment to fix it at 3:00. The Drill - just a regular drill. It won't hold a charge. We were finally baby proofing a few cabinents...and it stopped working. The Lawnmower - Jose tried what he could to fix it, new sparkplugs, oil, gas...it seems it just met its match. My LCD projector in my classroom - I got to school today and my lesson was a biography (via LCD projector, I don't have a dvd player hooked up to my tv). My backup lesson was to finish notes (via powerpoint). My Dean was able to get me a projector to use today, but tomorrow I'll probably be giving notes on the whiteboard! Do you see why I'm feeling superstitious? The good part is that these are only things, and so far, the people in our lives are safe and healthy, and that is what matters. But the timing of all these things breaking is very cicumspect. Ironically, we paid off our car in Feburary. So we have been using that money to pay for all these 'things' repair. It's just getting comicial. When dh showed me the windshield yesterday, I said 'of course it broke!". Here's to hoping the major repairs are over for another 5 years!

Less than 2

2011-04-07T09:23:00.000-07:00

That was my HCG number yesterday. So it's a pretty interesting situation. I got pg, and then lost it immediatly. We were in such shock, that I don't know if the pregnancy even had time to sink in. But it's still kind of exciting to think that we got pregnant on our own. That's where I'm leaving this situation. I've read different statstics. 1 out of 6 or even 1 out of 4 pregnancies end in miscarrage. I suppose those odds catch up with most of us at some point. I'm just hoping the next one sticks. And on a seperate note, my SIL is in the hospital right this moment being induced. We're excited to have a cousin for Macie, this will be her first/only cousin so far. It's ironic timing to have lost a pregnancy as another is coming to an end, but again, all I can say is Glory to God. His will be done. I hope Thursday treats you well. I know a lot of you are in different stages of pregnancy/adoption/ttc, and I wish you good luck wherever you're at.

Very Unexpected

2011-04-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

You guys, I don't even know how to say all that I have to say. It's great and then it's not. On Sunday I took a home pregnancy test. It was postive. IT WAS POSITIVE! Monday I called the OB/GYN. I got to experience a random postive. I got to be surprised that bding = baby! But then Monday afternoon I stopped 'feeling' pregnant. I started bleeding. ANd that's where I'm at now. I'll call the OB tomorrow tell her what happened. I can't imagine that I'm still pregnant. While my boobs are still sore, I am having what I would consider a *normal* cycle. If I hadn't have tested, I wouldn't even think my period was weird, just one day late. Obviously I have more to post about this and thousands of emotions, everything from elation to heavy greif. I've never miscarried before. A 3 year journey didn't provide any BFP's before, just blank tests. I cannot imagine the pain you all feel to be far along in a pregnancy only to lose the baby, so for that, I can now empathize. I know that if I have to miscarry this is the best scenario. And I know that God is still Glorified in this situation. I just recently took the name "drama" off this blog title. Baby Mama. Maybe I should add the drama back in. I'll post more when I know more.

Blog Changes

2011-04-01T14:03:00.000-07:00

You'll notice some changes here. It's been almost 4 years of blogging and I hadn't changed much of the design. The picture is one I took to put on Macie's 1st birthday invitations. Her big day is still over a month away, but in mom-time that will be here soon! So the skirt was made by my mom (Nana) who in her retirement is really becoming quite the seamstress. It's been fun to have her create things for her granddaughter, and soon her first grandson will be here (no, I'm not pg, but my SIL is!). Little Logan is due April 8th, so his arrival feels emminent! I keep remembering this time with Macie, right before she came and I'm just so excited for my SIL to get to experience the glee (and exhaustion) that comes with a newborn.

Peak and Pit

2011-04-01T12:51:00.001-07:00

Pit:

Was it me, or did every day this week feel like Friday? It started Monday night. It felt like Thursday night. But it was only MONDAY! All the way to last night, I was driving home from dinner with my small group. It was 7 O'clock and still 85 degrees. It just felt like summer. So of course, getting home and realizing I still had to get up and go to work...just wasn't fun. But how could I even be tempted to be upset when I see this cutie?

Peak:

This coming week is Spring Break! I think the teachers enjoy this more than the students. And if you don't believe me, ask a teacher in your life! I'm so excited to get to spend many hours a day with DH and all day with Miss Macie! She's excited too if you can't tell:

What was the pit and peak of your week?

New Ob/Gyn

2011-03-30T10:02:00.000-07:00

I had an appointment yesterday for my 'well woman' exam. It took me almost a year later than I should have because I just didn't want to deal with it. But I wanted to try a new dr. incase I do get pg since my previous OB left the practice and I don't like the other dr. she worked with (I think that's why she left too). So, on to the new Dr. She seemed nice. She's young and I don't think she has any kids. At first the nurses in the front were off putting, but when they started talking to me about 'desperate housewives' I figured it was just a weird start to the appointment. Here is what I didn't like...I had to pay for parking! It is $2.25 for each 30 minutes with a maximum of $10. Are you serious? There is some free street parking but it was all either 30 minutes only or taken. The office doesn't validate parking. So I asked the nurses if there was any other place to park and they pretty much said most people just take the gamble of the 30 minute spots. YUCK! I don't like to do that because I have a history of being the one who actually gets the parking ticket. There is a major blvd. nearby and across it there is free parking. It's ironicially the office of my RE. So I know where to park for next time. Sure, it'll be a bit of a walk, but geez, 2.25 is a lot of money if I'm fortunate enough to get pg anytime soon. That's a lot of appointments. So the important stuff was the initially I liked the Dr. AND, they didn't use the blood pressure machine they did it by hand (I really don't like the machine). And the scale is NOT digital, it's got the sliding scales and for some reason those don't seem as mean to me as the new digital scales. Do any of your offices charge for parking? Usually out in the suburbs of LA we never have to pay for parking. Only when you go into the city do you pay. Blech.

Weight Loss

2011-03-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

I've been doing really well with weight loss. Since the start of the new year (well, Jan. 2nd) I've lost exactly 30 pounds. I am thrilled. I have officially lost all the baby weight. But what about the IVF and TTC weight? I don't blame IVF for many of my pounds, but TTC really took a toll on me. Even before we knew there were problems for us to conceive. Every month I would think "maybe I'm pg!" and I would spend the TWW eating 'healthy' things like granola and frozen yogurt. Do you know how many calories granola has!? It's delicious, but it's not low-cal. Rinse, wash, Repeat. So here I am, at my pre-baby weight, horray! But now I have many, many more pounds to go. Maybe I'll be brave and post the actual numbers. After all, as far as I know, no one IRL reads this blog. I'll have to think about that. Do you guys openly share your weight? Or like me, is it only when you're a size 8 that you feel like sharing (and if a size 8 is your 'freak-out' size, like you need to diet, stat!, then horray for you, but remember, for us tall girls - 5'9", a size 8 is very thin!)? I'm hoping for 8 more pounds by easter and about 40 pounds by fall!

New Camera

2011-03-22T21:43:00.000-07:00

I think I mentioned that we recently went to the beach as a family. We got some unexpected money from work so we invested in a new Nik;on camera from Costc.o. It's been a great investment so far.
I took this picture and even as I was taking it, I just see this in her wedding slideshow. Lord willing I'll be lucky enough to see her smiling on that day and knowing how much we love her and how much fun she has been to have in our lives.

And this picture is exactly why we bought this camera. A moment that I also wonder if it will make her wedding slideshow. Ha! Maybe she's tired of how much I kiss her cheeks. That's not likely to stop anytime soon.

The crazy thing is that she was not afraid of the water at all!
Even when it knocked her over! Wait for it...

wait for it...Boom!
She didn't even cry. Just got up, shook her tailfeathers and headed back into the great blue sea. I'm hoping we'll get to spend a lot of time at the beach this summer (if gas prices don't get too bad!).
What are some of your favorite day trip locations?

Pit and Peak Friday

2011-03-18T14:07:00.000-07:00

How was your week? This week was fine, just busy, busy.

My Pit:
My dad is in the hospital. He is a recovering alcoholic and has done tremendous damage to his body. They are doing an upper GI as I type. We have a bit of a strained relationship, and I just want to highlight that having a baby has only made things MORE strained. Children don't fix things, they make them more complicated. It's so tough for me to let ANYone babysit or watch my little one. But when I'm not sure if my dad has been drinking it's impossible for me to let him watch her. So a big part of the current strain in our relationship is that I haven't let him sit for her alone. I don't see that happening in the future either. I think he's so dissapointed though because when I thought he was still sober I made a few comments about perhaps him watching her, but shortly after she was born he was 'off the wagon'. So how can I trust that? I should probably save my post on my dad for a later time because there is so much baggage. Do any of you have strained relationships with your parents?
But before I share my peak, I've got to share that I have the best mother in the world. My parents are divorced. She is everything I hope to be for Macie.

My Peak:
Last night as Macie and I were waiting for DH to get home I was playing with Macie. We had the best time. She was just laughing and laughing and it was the belly laugh, the kind that just make me think I'm the luckiest momma in the world to be entrusted with such a sweet baby.

I know many of you are still waiting for your little ones, and I think about you often. I have no words of wisdom, just thoughts and prayers that our hopes will be fulfilled through Him.

What was your 'peak and pit' this week?

Things That Keep Me Humble

2011-03-16T14:02:00.000-07:00

This year my husband (who teaches high school chemistry) has a blind student. He's told me a lot about her and I met her once while in DH's classroom (remember, we teach at the same high school).
She told me she has heard my voice before and I told her I'd say hi next time she walked by my classroom.
Yesterday I saw her while I was holding the door open for some of my students. I said "hi!" and she said hi and then asked me how my day was. I said great, and she said her day was going well. I said "That's great! See you later!".

Then I put my palm to my forehead and realized how inappropriate my comment was.

Peak and Pit

2011-03-12T12:11:00.000-08:00

The peak of this week was getting rid of the 8 industrial dryers which were in our house for 6 days! Our tiny little leak has caused thousands of dollars of damage and will result in new paint for most of the house and new laminate flooring if they can't match the old. It's been a hassle, but how can I complain with all the loss in Japan and in other parts of the world? It's been a great reminder of how much I am blessed.

The pit of this week was Monday night. For some reason I always get bummed when we're driving home from Bible study on Monday nights. Maybe it's because it's usually around 930 and I'm tired and we're all tired. Maybe it's because all the moms at the Bible study talk about their 'mom's group' that meets during the work day on Wednesdays and I always feel a little guilty about working. Maybe it's just that I still have the whole week to get through and it's only Monday night...Anywho, I tend to get a little bummed out on Monday nights. I'm hoping this Monday will be different.

And this is mean to share! What was your peak and pit this week?

P.S. This is Macie. She has now found her hair bows and they don't generally stay in her hair anymore.

1st birthday ideas

2011-03-11T12:30:00.000-08:00

At Kelly's Korner, today's Show Us Your Life is Birthday parties. Macie just turned 10 months this week (what!?!) so obviously I can't show you her party pictures, but I thought I'd share what I'm planning. Her theme will be 'CowGirl'. I'm telling, you go on etsy and search for cowgirl birthday party. There is some of the CUTEST stuff, and so far, this is what I've decided on:

I ordered this shirt from IzzyBTees on etsy. I haven't received it yet, but I just thought it was adorable.

I also found this skirt, but my mom is starting to be quite a seamstress in her retirement, so I commissioned her to make something similar and she was excited to try. So I'll let you know how it turns out.

And I've given myself a budget of $200.00 for this party. Is that too personal to share on a blog? It feels like SUCH a large amount of money, but most of that is going towards feeding our family and friends, so I'm thinking it's pretty reasonable (especially since I just partnered to throw my SIL a baby shower that totalled over 500 dollars!). But that means I'm making most of the decorations for Macie's party by myself. I found these dye-cuts here at work (school) and I'm going to try to make a banner myself. Something like this:

I'll keep you posted as I plan. Anybody watching that 'extreme child birthday parties' show on TLC? I watch the re.al housewives of beverly hi.lls and I noticed that one woman spent $60,000.00 on her daughters 4th party. I suppose by comparison my 200.00 is pretty cheap. Anybody brave enough to share their party costs? Yikes!

Womanly

2011-03-09T12:32:00.000-08:00

I finally scheduled an oppointment for a 'well woman' exam. I've been putting it off since I had Macie, and finally It's just time. I'm mostly doing this because my dr. left the practice I was using and I don't like the other dr. there. So while I'm not necessarily hoping to get pregnant until maybe summer (like I have control over such things, ha!), this time, I'm hoping to already have a relationship with my dr. before hand. So thus, I scheduled my womanly exam.
For me, the worst part of the womanly exam isn't the womanly part. It's the blood pressure machine and the scale. I don't mind when they take bp by hand, but that machine actually hurts sometimes! And then the scale...do I need to say more? By the end of my pregnancy I was just turning around on it so I didn't have to look at the numbers. I've lost about 25 pounds since Jan. 2nd, so I know the scale won't be so bad, but it's still not so great. THat is for sure!
What part do you hate the most about the ob/gyn?

Peak and Pit

2011-03-05T10:29:00.000-08:00

Every Friday for almost the entire year I've been teaching, I've asked my students what the peak and pit of their week was (the best part - peak, and worst part - pit). It has been a great way to get to know my students better. Everyone has to write it in their bell work, but only a few kids share (as it could easily take the whole period). All the ages of students I've taught, from sixth graders to 12th graders really like it.

So then I was thinking, why don't I do this on my blog? I'll try to do it every friday like in my classroom, but of course, today is Saturday, so I'm already behind.

Plus, we've had some homeowners excitement around here this week, so I certainly have things to share.

My Pit: Tuesday night, DH found a leak in the wall between our bathroom and dining room! I am so thankful he heard it, because if I was alone, I wouldn't have heard it and it would've gone on for a lot longer and done a lot more damage! So that meant that we were on the phone with st.ate farm and a 24 hour plumbing company. We ended up just shutting the water off until the next afternoon when the plumber could get out there. At first we thought it was a slab leak, (which means a lot more money..Yikes!) but turns out it was just in the wall.

But this has meant that since Wednesday night when the 'restoration' company was here, we've had about 7 industrial dryers going and we've had to spend the last two nights at my mom's house. I know my mom didn't mind, but we really took advantage of her. She insisted we sleep in her bed, and she watched Macie all day for the last two days while DH and I went with our church to the Catalys.t West coast conference with An.dy Stanley.

So the current status update is that we're on day three of the dyers, they tore out about 20 square feet of our laminate floor, and there is still a whole a few feet big in our drywall in the dining room. I'm sure I'll update that more as the problem gets fixed. And we have pictures too.

My peak: There are really a lot of things to chose from. Going to that conference was amazing. It was about taking courage as a Christian leader. We heard from two non-christians (the guy who started twitter and Soledad O'b.rian from CNN) and a bunch of Christians - An.dy Stanley, Dave Ram.sey, and about 5 other great speakers. Very motivating. But the best part of all was coming home to this adorable little girl each day. She is almost walking. She has taken a bunch of steps on her own, but she still falls down. Her current record is about 9 steps. Since she'll be 10 months on Monday (right!?) I'll probably say she 'started' walking at 9 months and hopefully became proficient at 10 months.

Here is a picture to end this post. Macie has recently started biting the spoon when she's done eating. I know she looks like a cowgirl here, it's just the way her bib is positioned. I promise she didn't just come from a train robbery, it's just how she looks. promo

On to the next?

2011-02-25T12:37:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling torn about trying for baby #2. On one hand, how could I think about putting it off? I'm already 32 (not THAT old, but old enough) and it took us 3 years of trying to get pregnant with Macie, so what if it takes another 3 years? Ideally, we're still thinking of having 3 children, so shouldn't we get busy?

On the other hand, I'm finally losing some weight (21 pounds since January 2nd), and I have a long way to go. I'm about 2 pounds away from pre pregnancy weight. And about 40 pounds from pre-TTC weight. So to start from here again would be frustrating. AND, I'm just enjoying this girl so much!

She's 9 1/2 months, and I'm loving being her mommy! I think two years apart would be great!

But here is my dilemma that you all can weigh in on. We haven't used any birth control since Macie was born, but what if I did use birth control? Just until Aug. Would that be telling God that He doesn't know what's best for my life? But isn't that what I did before we even started trying? Maybe this is what all women in the 60s and 70s had to ask themselves once the pill was available, but I don't really feel good about either option. So for now I"m just enjoying my little one and if I got pregnant again I know I would be THRILLED, but I just also think I would probably be a little frustrated too.

What did you all do, those who got pregnant. Some form of birth control or just a free-for-all?

University

2011-02-18T12:53:00.000-08:00

Kelly at Kelly's Corner is doing Show Us Your Life-Alma Matters. I saw that so far no one had wrote anything from Biola University in Southern California, so I felt super compeled to represent!

College was awesome. I graduated in 2000 from undergrad and I lived on campus all four years. My junior and Senior year I was an RA. I love that this school has kept its Christian perspective for so long. When I was there, there were open dorm hours (guys and girls in each others rooms) only limited hours (6-10 on Wed/fri, 2-10 on Sat., 2-6 on Sun). It sounds so conservative, but the older I get, the more I appriciate conservative.
We went to the annual Christmas tree lighting this year and DH, Macie and I ate in the Caf, and it has changed so much! We were romanticising college, and how besides this time with each other, it was the best four years of our lives. DH went to Re.dlands University also in So Cal, but I call it a 'heathen' school (I'd say that I'm joking, but when I hear his frat party stories, I'm inclined to believe the 'heathen' part is mostly true!). But we both still had an incredible time living on campus.
As a high school teacher, any time I can suggest to a student to live on campus, I do. I know it's expensive, but it's an experience you just can't replace. You have the rest of your life to live in an apartment and pay rent, but to live with 300 of your closest friends...priceless!
I'm writing this on my lunch break at work, but I'll try to remember to put some pictures up later.

ABCs of Me

2011-02-14T12:04:00.000-08:00

A-AGE- 32

B - BED SIZE - Queen. I bought a bedroom set before I got married and I didn't want to anticpate getting married in case I was going to be single for the rest of my life. If money were no issue we would totally upgrade, but it's not just the bed, those sheets are so expensive too!

C-CHORE YOU HATE: scrubbing the showers

D-DOGS: 2! Gipper and Nancy (a Ronald Regan reference). Cocker spaniels. Adorable and very sad now that Macie is here!

E-ESSENTIAL START YOUR DAY ITEM - coffee with cream and splenda.

F-FAVORITE COLOR: currently brown. Changes often.

G-GOLD or SILVER: Anything that comes from my husband is welcome. But most of my jewlery is silver or white gold (with a splash of platinum!)

H-HEIGHT: 5' 9".

I-INSTRUMENTS YOU PLAY: Piano and guitar. I took lessons on the drums before I got pregnant and I would love to pick that up again, but I don't anticipate much free time for the next 18 years or so. (hopefully longer!)

J-JOB TITLE: Teacher - high school senior economics

K-KIDS: 1! Macie Rom.ana. She is a doll and I hope someday she'll be a big sister.

L-LIVE: Southern California. Currently digging our weather.

M-MOM'S NAME: Judith - Judy for short

N-NICKNAMES: Mrs. Dixie (from DH, it was a cheesy christmas play I was in while we were dating)

O-OVERNIGHT HOSPITAL STAYS - Macie's birth

P-PET PEEVE: When students ask me for a pencil.

Q-QUOTE FROM MOVIE: "Hit Ousier!" or "

R-RIGHT OR LEFT HANDED: right

S-SIBLINGS: 1 older brother, 2 younger step sisters

T-TIME YOU WAKE UP: 6 (ish)

U-UNDERWEAR: Yes.

V-VEGETABLE YOU DISLIKE: peas

W-WHAT MAKES YOU RUN LATE: a final trip to the potty.

X-X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD DONE: Chest xray when I tested positive for the TB skin test (no tb), HSG of my tubes, lots of dental

Y-YUMMY FOOD YOU MAKE: I love to bake! Cakes and cake decorating is a small hobby. Also I make a mean fruit trifle.

Z-ZOO, FAVORITE ANIMAL: Giraffs are pretty

I'd love to see some of you try this, it was fun!

9 Month Checkup

2011-02-12T09:09:00.000-08:00

Everything looks great!

Our little 9 month old is 22.2 1/2 lbs. She's 29 1/2 inches long. That is 92nd percentile for weight and 97th for height.

It's just madness to try to get her to sit still for these monthly pictures, but I often think the ones where she moves the most end up being the funniest.

Macie, what are you doing this month?

You have started taking baby steps! I'm not ready for a full-fledged walker, but you're on your way. Usually if I have something you want (like the remote control that you're not allowed to have) you'll take more steps. right now your record is 6 steps.

You stand up on everything, and you've had a few spills, but nothing serious. I think that comes with learning to walk.

You don't say any words yet, but you babble a bunch. Lots of dadaddadads and gagagagagas. No mamamamamams yet, but I'm still hoping.

Before bedtime you go crazy. You're laughing at everything you think mommy and daddy are hysterical! You just laugh and laugh. It makes it hard for us to put you down to bed because that's probably my favorite time of day.

You currently eat about 20-25 oz of forumula a day and a serving of cereal, stage 2 fruit, veggie and meat. The dr. says since you have such a 'healthy' weight to maintain you will gradually eat more and drink less milk. We'll probably start some table food this month, but I'm not in a big hurry because my friends largely say that once table food starts baby food is out the window and I'm not excited about that. Baby food is expensive but easy!

You're daddy and I love you more than you can imagine. We are so proud to be your parents and are looking forward to a lifetime together! We give praise to God each day that He brought you into our lives in His perfect timing.

1st birthday questions

2011-02-09T11:59:00.001-08:00

So for those of you out there with little ones (or are planning on having little ones),
What do you think about big 1st birthday parties?
I am completely torn. I am so excited to celebrate the gift of my little miracle God has entrusted me with.
I also don't want to set a precedent that there will always be big parties and everyone will always be invited and I have to entertain other people's children.

I'm thinking of a party either at our house (we have a 1300 square foot house and a moderate back yard (for so.cal. Some of you in Arkansas and Texas and N. Carolina would die at the small size of what we call a yard!). But in our yard, we don't have a lot with which to entertain our friends children.
OR
We have a park nearby with some slides and stuff... is that enough to entertain other kids?

What are your thoughts? I'm really stuck. But I have 3 months so I'm just trying to plan ahead.
I'll post again after Macie's 9 month appointment tomorrow. My little girl is growing up so fast!

Can You Stand It?

2011-02-06T14:53:00.000-08:00

This face just makes me melt.

I really can't handle her cuteness.

It's superbowl Sunday and we're having people over, but it's time to wait. So if the SuperBowl starts at 3:30 Pacific time, it must be worse for all of you that are on the east coast and have to stay up much later to watch the game. At least we can get home by 7:00PM and then have a restful night...or is it better to have an evening atmophere, ready to party?

What do you all think?

Blogging from Home

2011-02-05T08:13:00.000-08:00

And do you know what that means?

PICTURES!

It's been so long since I've had any new pictures so here is a post chalk-full of them.

Can you believe I get to wake up to this sight? She's so adorable! And p erhaps this picture will help you understand that my baby now sleeps in 18 month PJs. She's going to be 9 months old on Monday, but PJs with feet in them are just so snug that I jumped her up to 18 months! I can't stand it! The really excellent news is that I went to the car.ters store and all the wintery-footy PJ's were on sale for either 4.19 or 5.00 even! So I bought 8 pairs.

I did a photo shoot last night for my grandparents in northern California. It's what I do when I'm trying not to eat. I put together an outfit for the girl and just take picture after picture. I'm thinking I'm going to have to invest in a really nice camera that has like 50 shots in a row. I keep missing the adorable little smiles! What cameras do you all have?

Here is a good shot of the cute outfit. I kept giving her toys to try to get her to look at me. The blinds were apparently more interesting.

Here she and DH are enjoying some quality time. She looks a little like a boy to me in this picture. It's just the way her hair is brushed.

And here she is as we're about to go for a walk. So Cal hasn't had the amazing snowstorms you guys have all had around the nation. Instead we had to bundle up because it was about 60 degrees outside (don't worry, I know I'm a big cold weather wimp. I like to think I could be tough, but I'm just not!)

Okay, it's time to play with her now, so have a good weekend everyone!

Another Weight-Loss Reminder

2011-02-02T14:11:00.001-08:00

As I type this, my SIL's mother is in surgery losing all five toes on her foot. She has diabetus and hasn't really ever taken care of herself phsyically.
Hearing this and seeing how quickly she is going down hill (she just started dialisys in November) makes me so afraid for being so overwieght.
It's not just about looking decent this summer. It's about health and being around for Macie and Macie's children (my SIL is 30 weeks expecting their first child- they also had to do IVF).

Crazy days...

No Naps!

2011-01-31T14:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a fairly typical Sunday. First church, followed by a party. But it was one of my Sunday's playing in the band, and this means we're there from 8AM-1:00PM. Prime first nap time. Macie usually does well in the nursery, but her nap was pretty delayed. Eventually she slept from about 11:00-12:00.
Then, a friend of our is retiring to become a full-time worship leader and his wife through a surprise party. It was a lot of fun, but Macie missed the window for her second nap. I thought after I gave her a quick dinner at 5:00Pm that she would nap. But nope, she was awake.
Okay, I thought, I'll put her to bed a bit early.
I did, and she went to sleep, but starting around 9:00, she just cried! And then again, later. She cried! Then she slept for a few hours. Then again, around 12:30, she cried! For a long time! I actually went to check on her after about 20 minutes. But everything was fine, she was just fussy. I didn't want to pick her up, so I just rubbed her back and she fell asleep. 10 minutes later - she cried!
So I'm really chalking it up to no naps yesterday. If tonight is a repeat performance I'll do some serious investigating.
But for now, this is one tired momma, signing off...

Try #1

2011-01-27T14:03:00.000-08:00

So that salad last night was o-kay. Not great. I should've used a recipe instead of my brain, because I bought feta cheese instead of blue. So while I like feta, it just didn't have the same taste.

Here is a picture of my messy counter as I was about finished chopping everything up. Notice the mess goes beyond dinner. No, I don't usually cook with my purse on the counter, or next to the formula, it was just that kind of a night.

Overall, the salad was okay, but I just washed it (no lettuce spinner or anything fancy). I actually didn't use any dressing, because one of my favorite parts of a cobb salad is that it's usually so good and flavorful, it doesn't need anything else. DH does not feel this way. So he used a rasberry vinagerette that he thought was very good. But he did make himself a snack after dinner was over, so I'm assuming I have room for growth on the salad front.

I have a weight loss post coming up soon...but for now, I say: Good day!

Salad

2011-01-26T14:06:00.000-08:00

So I mentioned that I'm dieting (only a billion pounds to go!), and I'm trying to figure out how to make my homemade salads taste like store bought salads.
How do you do it!?
I love a good cobb sa.lad. Especially from corn.er bakery or CPK. But my lettuce never tastes the same at home. Do I need a salad spinner? Should I wash the lettuce better?
Tonight I'm going to try, but I was just thinking that you ladies probably all have amazing salads in your back pocket, so I'm asking for your secret tricks. How do I make it delicious?

Completely My Fault

2011-01-25T12:06:00.000-08:00

She fell.
Off the bed.
It was my fault.
She's fine.

But oh. my. word. I was so traumatized by the incident. Here was the sitaution:
We went to Bible study last night and there was a baby sitter and 5 kids. I said, "I'll come back about 7:30 and feed her and change her". So when I came back, Macie was crying (because it was 7:45 and she was hungary!) and I took her from the sitter. I laid her on the bed and started to get her bottle ready. I looked at the bottle to pour in the 8 ounzes of water, and in that 3 second look she was in space between the cushy bed and the cushy carpet.
The baby sitter saw it too, but she was across the room and I was only 2 feet away.
It was like a baby belly-flop.

She was scared more than hurt, and after 30 seconds or so of crying, she was just fine and showing off her cuteness again for everyone, but I felt like a grade A failure. And then, to add insult to injury, I had to sit through another 45 minutes of Bible study and admit to everyone (through jokes of course) that I just let my baby fall 3 feet off the bed.
The good news was (this is sick I really think it's good news), everyone else had stories of when the same thing happened to their kids (or worse, STAIRS!). While I felt bad that everyone goes through this, I really did feel awful that Macie had just fallen.

But I have a secret.
An ugly secret.
She looked a little funny as she was falling. And I kind of wanted to giggle once I saw she was okay. I mean, picture a super-cute baby in cupcake pajamas, spread-eagle, heading for the floor.
Now, before you go calling CPS, remember that I did not giggle, and infact, the thought that I did want to giggle made me cry on the way home. Because I must be a terrible mother.

I've heard it described like a new car: I think my baby just got the first dent. I felt sick.
I checked on her 3 times last night (I almost woke her up once) and all is well. As DH said, babies are built pretty tough.
But Yeah, I had some pride about how "my baby had never fallen off the bed (or couch, etc.)". So now I'm sitting here evaulating what else I have too much pride about. Will my baby poop in the bathtub tonight? Will she stop being 'awesome'?

Has anything like this happened to you!?

The Diet is On!

2011-01-24T14:16:00.000-08:00

I got an email from a dear friend in Texas who I don't get to see much anymore the other day. The email was entitled "the Biggest Loser". So yes, my first thought was, is she trying to tell me something?
When I opeend it, indeed, it was an email to 4 of us college girlfriends who have had weight struggles. She was putting herself on blast too, and asked if we wanted to participate in a 'biggest loser type' competition.
I am wholeheartedly in.
So we started yesterday (actually, I started a few times since Macie was born), and we're emailing each other our weight every sunday night (*gulp!*) and dieting highs and lows. I have a lot of weight to lose, but I'm going to start with a goal of 25 pounds. I figure if I look at the whole number, I'll just be sad, so I'm just looking at 25 pounds.
I can't believe I actually shared my weight! DH doesn't even know what my weight is.
Do you guys share your weight with your husbands? He has no problem sharing with me, but I can't seem to share that with him!

8 1/2 months! Baby Food!

2011-01-20T14:04:00.000-08:00

Macie got her second dose of a flu shot this week, her current weight is 21.11 lbs.
This puts her at the 90th%. My mom said I was always 'off the charts' meaning, I was a big baby. For both height and weight. Macie looks to be on the same wavelength!
These days she's spending a lot of time crawling, pulling herself up to standing, and chewing on anything she can. last weekend she cut her SIXTH tooth! This girl is a drooling machine. For the moms out there, will she stop drolling when she stops teething? I feel like I have to keep her in a bib 24-7 because otherwise the wetness from drooling makes her cold!

I have some questions about food. How much did your 8 months old eat in a day?
Here is her current food schedule:
Breakfast - 6 oz formula + 1 serving cereal (1/4 cup)
Lunch - 6 oz formula + 1 stage 2 fruit and 1 stage 2 veggie
Dinner - 6 oz forumla + 1 stage 2 meat
Bedtime snack - 8 oz formula

Does this seem similar to what your little ones ate? I know every child is different, but I also know that as she is growing it'll keep changing, and I'm having a hard time figureing out exactly what to feed her.
Also, I've had a number of friend IRL tell me there little ones hardly ate baby food at all, and they're shocked that Macie is eating so much. Then what are they feeding their children?

Open for discussion!

High School Teachers

2011-01-12T09:52:00.000-08:00

It's the time of year for teachers where things are finally looking up.
FINAL EXAMS!
You see, for teachers, "test days are rest days".
So here is why today I love my job.
I got to stay home and extra hour and a half with my little one, because today the final exams are for periods 0,2,6. I don't teach a zero period, and my prep period is 6th (the last class of the day), so today I am only with students from 10:16-12:16.
Now tomorrow of course is back to a regular schedule, I'll be with 4 classes.
But today? Today I love.
More time with Macie is what I get to have. And since the final is scantron, I don't even have to spend much time grading it! This is awesome!

Although, what I've learned in my ten years of teaching*, is that the days you think are going to be easy...that's when the problems show up. So I'm not holding my breath for a perfect day, but rather, just being excited about a change in the schedule and perhaps some extra time with my little one.

What were finals like when you guys were in high school?

*Inner monologue goes something like this: Oh Crap! 10 years? I've been teaching ten years? That means I must be old! That means I must be an adult!...then whew, I remember that I did a pirouette on campus this morning when I was sure that no one was looking. I'm pretty sure I won't be mistaken for an adult for quite a while!

2011

2011-01-04T12:21:00.000-08:00

I'm jumping on the 2011 bandwaggon. Embracing a new year and a new beginning. I hate to call them resolutions, but in an effort to simplify it, this is what I hope to accomplish this year:
1. Eat at the dinner table.
Now that we have a little one, it's time to break the habit of eating in front of the TV. I don't mind the TV being on (baby steps), but I do want to get in the habit of sitting down and eating instead of balancing food on our laps. It's just silly. I want Macie to grow up with a good tradition of eating properly - and that means more than just good nutrition.
2. Loose some weight.
I'm not writing the amount, I'm just here to say that I'm still wearing maternity pants and I hate it. I'm hoping to just get pg again, but...nothing so far.
3. Speaking of PG - I'm hoping to be pregnant by the end of 2011. It's just a hope, I know God's timing is different than mine, but I'd love to have a baby in 2012. If a baby came in 2011, that would be fine too! But my hope is really to have a few more months to loose some weight and then get knocked up again.
4. Work less.
Like really, have less hours at work. As a high school teacher that would mean instead of teaching 5 classes I would teach 4 or 3. I started on this goal yesterday by talking to my Dean about it and he was open. I won't know until the spring how the numbers and school budget will end up, but I'm certainly looking forward to a possible reduced work day. I think it would be better for DH and I too, because I wouldn't feel so guilty for the times we do go out without our little one.
5. Post more frequently.
I've been doing this a little more since before Christmas break, but I mostly just want to have a record of sorts of the first years of Macie's life. I don't write things down at home, so if my lunch break works, than my lunch break it is!

I know there are more things I have to work on in life, but I don't want to overwhelm myself.

Here's to hoping 2011 is a great year for us all!

Everyone's Journey

2011-01-03T10:02:00.000-08:00

Everyone has a different story to tell. But I can't figure out why some stories don't always end up the way we want. Although some do!

A close friend of mine IRL is pregnant with #2. She and her husband tried one month for their first one. They tried one month for their second. Thankfully, I have some perspective and I know that everyone has a different journey, and I'm able to be excited for her. I'm a little jealous, but mostly just excited.

I've been pretty heartsick over hearing the news from Jen and Maybe if you Just Relax. She had twins premature and one of them passed away. I don't know any of the details, but that in itself just makes your mind fill in these awful places.

I have a small group of really good friends. However, most of them are single. These are awsome women, and I don't understand why they haven't found the right man. These ladies might look at me and think, why does Courtney get to have a husband, baby, and two dogs?
So how can I be upset at a friend getting pg when she wants it so badly. Just because it was easy for her doesn't mean she deserves me to be jealous. I can look at others and think, why did that happen to her?

What I can gather, is that everyone has a different journey. My faith affirms this belief and makes me strong. But I still don't know how I get to be so lucky. I am excited and trepediatious to see what comes in 2011!

Christmas is coming

2010-12-20T14:09:00.000-08:00

These next two weeks will be full of Christmas tidings and business. I'm at home (love the schedule of a teacher!), and even now, I'm enjoying a southern california rainshower while the little one takes her naps, dad's at the gym, and a christmas movie is playing on TV. We have a few small excursions to look forward to but mostly I am thankful

for how different this year is from years' past.

I don't want to take a moment for granted and so I'll be off the computer quite a bit for the next two weeks. I mostly blog from work (during my lunch time of course), as when I get home I love to spend as much of my free time as possible with Macie.

So this is Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, and I'm praying for a great 2011 for us all.

And b.t.w., these people are my two favorite in the whole world. Daddy and daughter.

Soooo Big!

2010-12-17T09:39:00.000-08:00

Macie and an appointment on Wednesday to get the first part of her flu shot and we weighed her while at the office.
Um, my daughter is not hurting for size.
My little 7 month, 1 week old daughter is in the 95th percentile still for weight! She's 20.12 lbs! There are two year olds that size!
The good news is she's tall too, (28 inches - 99th percentile), so she's at least proportional. But wowzers.
Just to ask, how much were your little ones eating at 7 months? Right now she's on about 25 ounces of formula, 2 veggies (stage 2), 1 fruit (stage 2), and 2 1/4 cup bowls of cereal.
That's all she eats in a 24 hour period.
It's amazing how much genetics play into size (so I think). I was always off the charts as a baby, and Dh was also.
This from the same child who once had dropped all the way to 6 lbs 10 oz. a week after she was born!

We had said January

2010-12-16T12:22:00.000-08:00

It occured to me the other day that DH and I had said (in my pregnant state before baby was here) that we would not prevent pregnancy (ever again!) in the fall, but not 'try' until January, and then if there is no luck, maybe this summer we'll see about our two frozen embryo's.

I just realized it's December.

Am I really ready to start trying again next month? Does this mean I need to buy OPKs and start timing intercourse?

Or should we just blow the wad and see about the two frozen ones sooner?

Geez...I guess I need to start praying about these big decisions!

Lord, what would you have us do? How can I thank You for how blessed I already am!

This is quite a journey I'm we're on these days!

I am so excited, only 1 more day of work tomorrow, and then I get to stay home with our little one for two whole weeks! (minus a 2 night stay in La.s veg.as for our 5th anniversary!).

This is the face I think about everyday while at work...

Pictures

2010-12-15T10:58:00.000-08:00

It's always hard for me to post pictures because my computers seem so slow, but these are totally worth it. We had six month pictures taken as a family (it was DH's 35th birthday). There was a little facebook controversy, but other than that, we have been sooooo excited about these pictures. A friend of mine from church and her husband are wedding photographers who have expanded to family photos. Some of these are on our christmas card, and I put together a shutterfly book for our parents as Christmas gifts.
We have been so blessed this year. It's been a difficult and amazing 2010 for many reasons. But when I look at my little one, I just can't imagine how life will continue to change in 2011. Love to you all!

11 Days until Christmas

2010-12-14T10:04:00.000-08:00

I just thought I'd put it that way in case some of you didn't realize how quickly this holiday is sneaking up on us. 11 days.
Wow. Time has been going fast for a few years now. Sometimes I absolutely can't beleive this is my 10th year of teaching. How did that happen? I just turned 32 last week. How did that happen?
But then yesterday I got a treat in the mail. A package from my Grandmother. My 85 year old Grandmother made a Christmas Stocking for Macie. I almost cried. Not because it's so beautiful, but because time goes so fast. I love this woman. She always tries to make things as nice as possible for everyone. But it breaks my heart to know that Macie has a very short window to know her GG (great grandmother).
Time goes so fast. I wonder if GG thinks about that type of stuff. Or if she can share it with anyone. She is the primary caregiver for my grandfather (he's 84 and has parkinsons amoungst other health issues).
This is why I don't pay money to watch sad movies or dark movies. Life is full of enough pain as it is. Sometimes the pain is natural and healthy, but still painful.

11 days until Dec. 25th, 2010.

We have a bond

2010-12-13T12:37:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met someone, and within a few minutes of conversation realized that this person probably went through IF too? That happened to me here at my new school site.
I had been a part of a few conversations with this woman who is married. I didn't know if she had kids or not. But then I heard her say something about waiting for adoption.
And wanting to be as healthy as possible.
Now to ther 'average' person, you might think, oh, she decided to adopt!
But of course, I went much further than that.
I wonder how long they've been trying to have kids. Maybe they couldn't have kids and maybe they've been through IVF. Maybe they already have kids and now they're adopting. Maybe IVF didn't work and now they're moving on to adoption.
So I got a chance to talk to this lady one on one, and I shared a little bit about Macie (not IVF, just that we tried for 3 years to have her). SHe didn't open up right away, but as soon as I said IVF, she lit up and told me she and her husband have been trying for years, and after 3 IVF attempts they decided to be done with that road and persue adoption.
I just knew it!
We decided to have lunch sometime to get to know each other, and even in those few minutes in the copier room I felt a compatibility. She even said, it's so great when you meet someone else who has been through this because no one can truely understand unless they have done this too.

So around every corner, you never know who you might bump into that knows the meaning of 'pupo', 'opk', '2ww', and 'bfp'.

Is she breastfed?

2010-12-09T12:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, so randomly, people have come up to me and asked me, "excuse me, but is your daughter breastfed?". One was at a burger joint and one was at cos.tco. Seriously.
I'm used to getting questions like, "well she is adorable, what aisle can I pick one of those up?!", and "did you get her at the counter?" (it sounds cuter when a 70+ lady asks you these questions, not creepy like when I just re-read this). But two different people have asked me if I am breastfeeding her.
The first time I was shocked. So shocked that all I could say was, half breastmilk, and half formula. She responded, "oh, I can tell. I'm a baby nurse and she just looks so healthy".
The second time I said, mostly formula. The lady responded, "oh, she just looks so healthy!".

Okay, begin rant...

What does a formula fed baby look like? Benjamin Butt.on? Formula is milk! A very special milk makes babies healthy! Formula fed babies thrive just as well as BF ones.
I wanted to breastfeed exclusively. I cried for two days thinking I was completely inept at being a mommy when I realized I wasn't making enough milk. I now believe I didn't stimulate my nipples enough in the Hospital and this is why I didn't produce enough milk, but still, I wanted to BF. But I had to suppliment. So of course I feel very strongly about formula. It made my daughter look as healthy as she is today! I'm grateful for this kind of technology! But there is so much propaganda about breastfeeding that I think society (or two women that came up to me) think that we are hurting our children if they have to be on formula.
Now of course there are benefits, I'm not debating the importance of breastfeeding. I'm just ranting that these women seemed to think it would be a crime, or at least make my child look sickly if I gave them formula.

Well, since about 5 1/2 months Macie has been on formula, and when the next woman says something, I'll just say something cute about how I'm raising her on rainbows and butterflies.

Sorry I've been such a blogging slacker lately, but with the holidays, DH's bday, my Bday, and a lovely little one at home, there isn't much time. I do keep up with goog.le reader though, so I'm keeping tabs on those of you going for #2 or still praying for #1.

Enjoy the day, and happy birthday to Feli.city Huffman, Donn.y Osmand, and me!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-23T21:45:00.000-08:00

Our little one is crawling...kind of!

It's amazing to watch her grow and change and just ulitmately look more like a little girl and less like a baby.

Here is a picture of her during bath time, although she's starting to be a little too big for the sink, so we're experimenting with the tub. So far it's just easier if I get in with her.

So her 6 month stats are:

Weight - 18 lbs 14 oz - 94th percentile

Height - 28 inches - 99th percentile

Head - 43rd percentile (I forgot the measurement)

So we have a big girl! She's still wearing six month clothing, but 9 months fit just fine. It's the footed pajamas that are crazy. Tonight she's comfortably wearing 12 month pjs. Unreal.

We're hosting a few family members for Thanksgiving, so it should be nice.

I hope you are all doing well and I'm thinking about you often! You'd be surprised how many times I start sentences to DH by saying, "I read on a blog today...".

Thankful for my daughter, My husband and My savior (not necessarily in that order, ha!)

#2

2010-11-02T12:21:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking more about number 2 lately. Not because I want to jump on the bandwaggon right now, but because a lot of friends of mine seem to be moving on to the second child.
I think I shared that I had a dream a few months ago that I was pregnant and it was more of a nightmare. I remember feeling like I didn't have enough time with just Macie and I was just so exhausted that I couldn't fathom starting over from scratch.
And while I still feel that way, I know that I am still the same woman who tried for 3 years without success and it's unlikely we'll get PG again on our own. If God wants us to we will, but I also know that we have two more frozen embryos we need to consider.
Last night at bible study, one woman was discussing new years eve cocktails, and trying to find good non-alcholic ones, because she'll be pregnant by then. It still shocks me to hear people talk like that. Not because she shouldn't, but because she can. I don't hold a grudge against anyone who gets pregnant easily. That's just as wrong as someone thinking I'm wrong for doing IVF. But it still makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up when people speak so freely about getting pregnant.
So next summer seems to be a good compromise for us. We'll see what the Lord has in store for us then.

Picture

2010-10-23T07:29:00.000-07:00

I'm really good at taking pictures of Macie. But when it comes to putting them on my computer? Foggetaboutit.

So here are some from last month. My mom did this while I was at work. Can you believe it?

AND

That's a dress that I wore as a baby that she saved. Um, yeah. That's pretty much awesome.

Today we're off to the pumpkin patch (I've never been!). I know there will be many photo opportunities, so if my computer cooperates I'll post some soon (well, at some point).

Happy October 23rd!

5 months

2010-10-14T10:04:00.000-07:00

Can you believe how quickly time has flown by? She is five months old now!
We introduced Rice cereal on her 5 month birthday - it was a hit. For right now we're only eating it at her 5:00 meal. Next week I'll add another cereal feeding to her 11:00 meal. I'm excited to introduce other foods, but I'll wait until after talking to the doctor at her 6 month check up next month.
Isn't it weird that next month is November already? Where has the time gone!?
Yesterday it became official that Macie is a 'sitter-upper'. She has been balancing for a few weeks now, but yesterday I put her in the pack and play while I made dinner (Shepard's pie, yum!) and she stayed in a sitting position for about 15 minutes! So I'm putting that as officially when she started sitting up. Fun!
There is so much else to write, but I'm posting this while on a break at work, so I don't want to infringe on class time.
Take care ladies!

AF - Permission to land?

2010-10-07T15:58:00.000-07:00

PERMISSION GRANTED!
Yes, I write you a much happier woman, on the other side of AF. So for the record, the day after my last post I got a strange and wonderful visitor. I told my husband it was weird to see red and not have a panic attack over it. Isn't it strange? My last menstral cycle had been July of 2009.
I am happy for many reasons. I would of course love to have more children, but I am so happy right now with an overflowing cup, that the thought of having another right away scares me.
That being said, I am happy to take whatever God feels I can handle, and if it means another little one right away, then sign me up.
But if I had to choose (God is laughing at that statment), it would be to wait another 6-8 months before getting pregnant. So...all that to say, I have conquored AF and will see if it is another 26-28 days before we meet again.
In the meantime, my little one is 5 months today! Yikes! Tonight for dinner she will be having her very first rice cereal. Yum. I hope she takes to it well. She has one tooth that broke out about 2 weeks ago, so I'm thinking that is all the more reasons she is ready for food. Her pediatrician said 5 months, so I am taking her literally.

I love all the blogs and am enjoying reading everything that you guys write, even if my comments are to a minimum.
Enjoy Thursday all!

How I met your m.other and WHEN?

2010-09-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

First, how I met your m.other. The TV show. Anyone watch it? I find it amusing so I DVR it and watch it at a later point during the week.
This season, Marshall and Lily are going to try to have a baby. There was a really sensitive moment that they had when Lily admitted that she was scared she would be infertile. It really made me well up with tears. THis show is not known for it's poignency, but I found it worth mentioning.
Secondly: New moms...when did you get your period after the baby was born? Macie is 4 1/2 months old and I have no period. I am not exclusively breastfeeding, but I am still BF 3 times a day. I'm desperate to compare. I really would like to get back to 100% normal, but I don't feel 100% quite yet. 95 % maybe. Just waiting for AF.

Small Group

2010-09-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

Monday nights are our small group. Today will be the second week that we are meeting. I have some dilemmas that I'm hoping you guys can help me with. Small group/Bible study lasts from 7-8:30. Macie's bedtime is 8:00. The couple's house we're meeting at is about 25 minutes away. We are committed to going and I'm always glad to have gone. But I don't exactly know what to do with Macie.
There is a babysitter there, and there are 3 other children. My problem is that Macie pretty much still requires one on one attention. I can keep her in the group with me, but you guys know how it is when other people have their babies...you just can't quite focus on the discussion because the baby is either super cute or being fussy and distracting. So I'm thinking about bring the pack and play or the swing or something like that and then kind of watching her myself. What would you guys do if you were in my situation?

4 months!

2010-09-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

(I know I look awful, this was right after being in the pool - no makeup!)

Labor day weekend is wonderful for teachers. It's a little touch of summer wrapped up in a few weeks of school. I will admit that I don't hate working. Don't get me wrong, I HATE being away from Macie. But I was actually very suprised to find that working isn't awful. I am teaching all senior economics this year and while seniors are not my favorite age to work with, I have five groups of really good kids and I think this was pre-arranged by God, because that's not normal. I'm sure I'll have some hard kids and hard days, but of the first two weeks, things are going well. I am however going to ask my boss if I can work 60% next year. In high school that means that I need to teach every day, but I would either be finished by 11:00AM or start at 11:00AM. I don't know what would work best, but I'm open. The school does have the right to deny me 60%, but I'm hoping they'll think I'm a good enough teacher to keep around.

As far as Macie...

She's 4 months old tomorrow! Where has the time gone!?

She is cooing and giggling, and I swear she laughed at me on Tuesday but she hasn't repeated it when people are around! She loves to grab her feet and can roll over but doesn't do it very often. This morning I found her in her crib rotated 180 degrees from where she started, but still on her back. It's like she made a half circle with her feet. Baby breakdancing maybe?

Her 4 month well baby appointment is on Friday, and I am so ready to know what she weighs and how long she is. Still in the 97%? We'll see.

I hope you all had lovely Labor day weekends and I'll look forward to updates from all of you!

Oh, and one last praise, a dear friend of mine IRL is pregnant! She is 37 and has been trying for four years. She had a failed fresh IVF this June and just got her BFP! So we're praying for good news and a lovely healthy baby in 9 months! Let me leave you with a picture from this morning before we went shopping on Labor day. Four months tomorrow!

Going back

2010-08-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I will become a 'working mom'.

Now this post isn't to debate whether or not I should be working with a little one, I know it's a hot button issue, but to talk about the facts, and the fact is, tomorrow I'm going back to work.

I don't want to, I want to stay home and be with Macie and raise her myself. But that's not where we're at in life, and I have completely accepted that, and I'm still gra

teful to have a job as a teacher. I don't know about other states, but CA is a mess right now and we have no state money, so getting my job back is a blessing.

But let's instead focus on how awesome my daughter is! She's 3 1/2 months. She's in the 97th percentile for weight/height/head circum. She loves to try to stand up, she loves to be held above your head and smile down (and droll) on you! She coos and smiles and is a pretty happy baby for sure.

It's hard to update much as I have just wanted to spend every moment with her. Right now DH is explaining football to her, so I was able to grab a few moments here. So just know that even though I'm not updating as much, I'm reading all of your blogs (except the Chinese weirdness that keeps showing up in the comments, what's that about?!) and love getting updates.

Until later!

Lake Tahoe, 4 generations, home again

2010-08-07T16:40:00.000-07:00

It was a crazy 2 weeks! We took an official vacation (as opposed to traveling which is great, but not always relaxing. This trip was about relaxing!) to Lake Tahoe and then stopped by my grandparents for a few days. It was great, and my advice to anyone considering traveling with an almost 3 month old...take a grandparent or sitter. It made all the difference! My mom turned 60 this summer, so we told her this trip was part of her birthday celebration, and then her sister was able to come and stay with us as well, so we had 'two' grandparents who were excited to take care of Macie while DH and I went rafting and swam in the lake. Don't get me wrong, I did most of the baby work, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but there were definate advantages to being able to eat a meal with both hands while our little one was loved on and passed around by our friends and my mom.
Genious.
The car trip getting there was a little adventurous. I grew up driving up the 5 fwy 7 or 8 hours at a time, but taking a baby makes that a whole different experience. Then adding a few extra hours to the front end of the trip (about 9 hours of driving time, 11 of traveling time), and we were ready to relax even more. Macie was an amazing traveler, sleeping most of the time she was in her car seat. And thankfully, that didn't mess with her bed time schedule too much.

I'll post pictures soon, but I wanted to check in and update. I'm still reading many blogs and anxious to find time to comment soon! It's already August. I can't believe how quickly time is passing!

Better

2010-07-21T06:46:00.001-07:00

The girl recovered just fine from her shots. By the next morning she was almost normal temp, so we have moved on. I'm not looking forward to her next shots for sure. Now there is the possibility of fever...boo. Poor thing.

We have however been busy enjoying so. cal life. It's finally been warm here (okay, it's finally been HOT here), so we've enjoyed the pool at my dad's house and my neighbors house.

Here's the thing, I love the water. Love it. And so far so does my daughter! Yeah! So it's been fun seeing her acclimate. We haven't put her head under, but she's tolerated the pool for like 15 minutes each time.

Oops, she just woke up, and now it's time to eat. more to come!

Fever

2010-07-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

Yup. The girl came down with a fever after the shots. And BTW, I did cry. She loved the oral vaccine, just sucked that one right up. But when the three shots were administered, she was howling, and that's what I wanted to do. But I just had tears rolling down my face.
She seemed a little extra tired (normal), but all else was fine. Then last night I was changing her and she felt warm, so I took her temp and it was about 100.4 degrees. So dh went out and got the acetamenaphin (however you spell it, I didn't bother to double check it) and she took it well, and her fever seemed to go down to about 99 degrees. We swaddled her in her diaper (no pj's) and she woke up once around 3 - which she hasn't done in a week or so. I fed her, because from what I've read, since she's extra warm she's burning more calories and closer to dehydration. So she ate and then woke up a few hours later and now here we are. She's got a temp of about 99 degrees still, but the second dose of acetamenaphin will be wearing off soon.
This is not fun. At least today she's not moaning though. It was the saddest thing. Last night while we were waiting for dad to get back from ta.rget, she just laid on me and moaned.
Oh, how I want her to feel better. Yuck.

2010-07-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Macie's 2 month appointment, although tomorrow she will be ten weeks. Am I crazy, that I'm actually looking forward to her getting her shots? Not in a Sadistic way, so don't even trip about that. I'm just looking forward to her starting to receive some innoculations. I hate thinking about her getting sick, but thinking about her getting sick with something that could actually hurt her...yeah, I'm not that bummed about the shots.
Although I will probably be crying all the way home tomorrow and thinking 'how could I have thought shots would be a good thing...waahh!'. The good news is dh gets to go with us, so it'll be a family affair. We didn't plan much for the rest of the day just in case Macie gets really fussy or has a reaction.
I'm sitting here with Macie strapped to me in her ergo infant carrier, and I'll tell ya, this is genious. While I haven't eaten breakfast yet, I am able to get so much done and not leave her in the swing all day. I don't mind putting her in her swing, but it's nice to feel like I'm holding her and multitasking. And I just know that this isn't going to last forever. And like so many of you, there of course are the questions about whether or not there will be more children in our future, so I want to enjoy each moment this little one gives us.
I'm off to eat something. So far, each day just gets better and better!
And the sleep is great too! She's giving us at least 7 hours between feedings at night, and it's lovely. I call that sleeping through the night. It started last Saturday night, so ... so far so good!

It gets better

2010-07-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

I think I mentioned that I had a hard time not wishing away the first few weeks. It was hard. I was tired and in pain, and I didn't really know my daughter yet. We were so busy learning about each other and in the middle of that, dealing with family, breastfeeding, and life. I didn't want to complain because I still knew in the middle of everything what a gift Macie was. And I knew it would get better.

And by golly it has. Tomorrow Macie will be 2 months old! Two months! She smiles now! She's starting to be much more alert, holding her head up like a champ. We went away for the fourth of july weekend, and just had a blast. She went to the beach (but the water was way too cold for any actual dipping, but enjoyed 5 different 4th of July outfits, and one adorable bathing suite/cover up.

I am starting to enjoy motherhood so much more than I ever thought possible. I find that I have a hard time not worrying, but I think that's why the Bible is so specific about not wasting life by worrying - it doesn't add a single day or minute to my life. So that's what I'm working on. But I absolutely love her. I would change a thing. Here are a few pictoral highlights...

Also, I tried making Ina Garten's flag cake this fourth of July. It turned out great, but wow - there is a lot of butter in there! I ended up using two regular cake mixes and then her frosting recipe. It was out of control delicious!

It's about time

2010-06-23T08:44:00.000-07:00

For Pictures!

This first one is from a recent day trip to some outlet shopping in Camarillo. One of our few family pictures. We've found most of our pictures are of Macie while she's asleep.

Here is one from Father's day. I put her in one of her nicest dresses, compliments of her Grandma. This girl is not hurting for clothes to wear. I almost dread doing laundry because then I have so many choices for her again.

Then, who doesn't love a stylish girl in glasses? Although I think it looks more like she's a granny, but it's cute.

I know it's not much, but this girl has been such a blessing. She's giving us about one 5 hour stretch of sleep a night, but sometimes she starts it at 8 o'clock, and then gets up about 3 and then again about 5. I'm ready for a full night of sleep, but this isn't a complaint, it's a blessing. She's more than I ever imagined...

Pump, pump, pump it up!

2010-06-15T05:34:00.000-07:00

Or out. Milk that is.
I'm sitting here pumping milk.
Things are great. Our little one is 5 1/2 weeks.
I hate pumping milk, but it's worth it.
Where does the time go? I'll post more later but I just wanted to check in. I'm still here, still reading blogs while I pump, but not much computer time these days other than my little pumping station that I've set up next to the lap top.

I'm gonna head back to bed...

Time Passing

2010-06-02T18:03:00.000-07:00

Time is going by quickly! Macie is 3 1/2 weeks old. Her latest tricks involve spitting up, using her neck (a little) and sitting in her rocker/swing.
She's just amazing.
We're doing well over here. Each day I'm trying to leave the house at least once, and it's going well. Last week I developed a little cabin fever, so it's been nice to get out. And thankfully this week is the end of the school year for my husband so next week we'll be home together and we'll probably try to get some stuff done or go and do something fun before summer school starts.
Sleep has been okay. Some days I get 5 hours and some days I get 7 (interrupted of course, but that's okay!). The 7 hour days are much better than the 5 hours. It really just depends on what time her last feeding takes place. If she eats at 8:30 PM than DH and I will usually go to sleep with her. But if she waits until 10 or 11PM than we don't get to sleep until then. Then pretty consistently she's up at 1 or 2 and again at 4 or 5. So if I can get in a nap after the 5AM feeding than great, but for most of this week that's when she's been at her fussiest, and least happy to go back to sleep.
But really, I don't want to complain. She's doing great, gaining more weight, I'm working hard to give more breast milk, and we're pretty pleased.
This is still the biggest adjustment though! And it's still weird to see all of our parents regularly. I can't wait for another grandchild to be born so that our little one won't be the center of attention. I'm so ready for it to be normal for her to be in our lives. Not the new baby, just Macie, who has always been here (that's how it feels anyway).

Take care all!

People

2010-05-18T15:43:00.000-07:00

It's hard to let people help. I am fiercely protective of my little one and have a hard time accepting that my schedule has to be accomodating to letting other people help.
But I suppose that's just where I'm at.
For all of you out there with multiples, I just want to say that you're amazing. Having this one baby is so much better AND so much more work than I thought (but COMPLETELY worth it!). My heart goes out to all of you during these first few weeks and months of motherhood when it must be so much more overwhelming than what I'm feeling.
But, God matched us all up perfectly, so I'm super grateful for what I have.

Oh, breast pump time is up, gonna go snuggle with my little one.
Enjoy Tuesday, and Glory to God for all of this!

Lots to say but no time

2010-05-15T16:06:00.000-07:00

Hey all,
I'm still reading your blogs, but boy, this little one is keeping me busy. Breastfeeding has not been smooth and right now pumping is my best option. I'll discuss more later. But the girl is healthy and gaining some of the weight she lost (I wasn't making enough milk at home and she dropped almost a pound from her birthweight, hence the pumping on my part). Her weight is back up and we are doing well. My stiches are less irritating and I can't tell you how exciting it is to be able to bend over again! And, get to sleep on my stomach (although this is only for a moment before my boobs get too full of milk and I have to turn on my side).
But she has been worth every inch of pain or discomfort...What a doll. We are so blessed.
More later!

Details

2010-05-11T11:34:00.000-07:00

(the long version)

Thursday morning I had an office visit since I was 4 days past my due date. They did a NST and this time I recorded the baby's movement as well as recording the heartbeat and contractions. I really hate those external monitors. But all looked well, except that when I came in at the start of the appt my blood pressure was higher than it had been (150/99). On monday the doctor had ordered yet another 24 hour urine test because I had been spilling protein which is of course a sign of pre-eclampsia.
So I left the dr. office office waiting to hear what the results of the urine had been from the day before. The dr. called at 2:30 and said I tested positive for 'mild preeclampsia' so 'game over, we're inducing today'.
I wasn't very upset, in fact, I was pretty happy about it. Finally, we were going to get this show on the road!
So I called DH and told him 'game on' we were going to check into the hospital. He left his track meet and came home and we were checked in and sitting on the hospital bed by 4:20.
Because of the danger of preeclampsia the dr. had ordered me to be put on magnesium, but that wouldn't start until labor began. For now they used prosti.glandin to soften my cervix (which was about 1 1/2, 50%) when I got there. So that dosage wasn't too painful, and the first one was about 5pm-ish on Thursday. The hospital monitored my blood pressure about a billion times while I was there and never once was it high. In fact, it errored on the very low side, especially when I was lying down. Every nurse called my dr. to confirm that I would still need the magnesium because my bp was just dandy, but the dr. insisted.
I got three doses of prostigland.in, each 6 hours apart and by 9 am the next morning my cervix was about a 4, so on with the labor. The dr. came in and broke my water and used internal monitoring (which was so far superiour to the external monitors, but I still see the scratch marks on the baby's head! ouch!) and that really started labor going. I had planned to get an epidural, but I had about 2 hours of active labor before that happened and I'll tell you, for each of you ladies who do it naturally, more power to you, but I felt like a genious after getting an epidural!
This is not a judgemental comment towards anyone, but the feelings before vs. after epidural: night and day. I wasn't feeling those awful contractions and it was nice to be a little more relaxed as I saw the contractions peak at 80!
The woman next door had not opted for an epidural and was screaming her head off so natch I felt like the smartest woman ever. And for the record, the epidural was the easiest, most non-scary part of labor. The anesthesiologist described everything and it was virtually painless.
After that, it was close to 11:15 am and that's when the magnesium and pitocin was started. Things progressed nicely and by 6 the nurse said I was 10 and ready to push. The problem was, the dr. was unavailable until 7 pm. There was an on call dr. but no one thought I'd be ready to deliver so quickly. by 6:45 the baby was just about crowning and epidural or not, the pressure to push was enormous and the nurse made me blow through those last contractions. That was by far the hardest part of this whole thing. They tried to distract me, but at that point there is no way you can just not push. So I did the best I could and about 15 minutes later the dr. came in, the nurse practically put the gown on for her and I was allowed to push. Her head came out easily but I had time stopping to let the dr. guide out the shoulders, so I ended up with a stage 2 tear. Boo! So I sit here with some lovely stiches but at least that part is getting a little better each day. I'll save the first post partum bowl movement discussion for another day. Stitches are not fun!
So at 6:59, our little one was born, and it was crazy. I see this miracle in my husbands arms right now, and if I hadn't seen her come out of me, I never would've believed it. Each child is such a miracle.
I have more to say but Macie is ready for her 5th feeding this morning so I'm signing off.

Extrordinary things happen on Ordinary days

2010-05-10T08:51:00.001-07:00

She's here!

Macie was born on May 7th at 6:59 PM.

7 lbs 6 oz, all is well. The labor was about 25 hours long, but mostly because I was induced.

We came home from the hospital yesterday and this great adventure has begun!

I will post the birth story soon, I always love reading that on all y'all's blogs, but for now I'll leave you a picture of our little one!

Dh and I always say that the most extrordinary things happen on the most ordinary of days, and I think this fits that category well!

All the Scenarios...

2010-05-05T11:26:00.000-07:00

So thank you for your kind words for my friend Emily...That's really how I'm feeling right now. Such happiness in the middle of such sorrow. And I really think, such is life. This is how most of the world goes.
So now for baby girl update.
At my appt on monday they did a NST for about 30 minutes and the dr. felt the baby looked great. I did however have more protein in my urine. So what does that mean? My 4th 24 hour urine test of the pregnancy. 4th! So I did that yesterday and then turned it in to the lab today and they did some bloodwork as well. Originally my Dr. hoped she'd have those results by tonight and if I did have too much protein they would enduce me for preeclampsia.
However, the first thing I had asked my dr. when she told me I had more protein, was could she just induce me? She said if my cervix wasn't favorable and they induced me then I would be looking at a 50% chance of having a c-section. So I understand her hesitancy, but then she checked me, and said I was one centemeter dialited, but my cervix wasn't terribly soft or effaced, etc. So she scheduled another appointment for tomorrow (Thursday) morning for another NST.
Hopefully she'll have my results by then (but I am not banking on it) and she may be inclined to induce me tomorrow if needed.
Another factor is Emily's memorial service. It's on Saturday. I can't share how desperately I want to be there, but that I want to be there with a healthy baby in my arms. Right now I'm putting that at about a 50% chance. Because inspite of all this week's testing, I could still go into labor on my own at any time!
IF none of the above occurs and baby stays safe and comfortable then I'll be induced on Sunday night.

Yup. I can't think of much else right now. I'm starting to hate maternity leave, because I feel like I'm wasting time. I don't want to just lie around all day, but yesterday I walked for a few hours and that didn't change anything.

Oh, and while DH enjoyed sex, once he heard the report that the dr. had been able to feel the baby's head when she checked my cervix, I think it freaked him out that his man business may be actually able to hit the baby's head as well. So...we'll have to see if that's another option for us. Ha.

Take care ladies, there's a lot going on these days. I'm going to let God's grace and some TLC channel help pass the time.
Oh, and maybe some frozen yogurt for lunch.

Emily

2010-05-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

My heart is broken, but still overflowing.

My friend Emily has Cystic Fibrosis. If you aren't familiar with this, it's a genetic disease that can affect either your respiratory system or digestive system. My friend Emily was affected by both.

Typically Emily is a really healthy person. She has worked so hard in life not let this disease rule her and until about 3 months ago, she consistantely beat CF. She would be in and out of the hopsital perhaps 3 times a year, but other than that, she was really healthy. She had a number of medical treatments she had to do each day, but if you didn't know that, you would never know something was different with her. Except that she coughed a lot.

About 3 months ago they found a new bacteria in her lungs and tried to kill it with antibiotics. The problem is for many CF patients that they become immune to antibiotics because they spend so much of their life on them.

Emily passed away on Saturday. Emily, who was only 27, full of life, and a big part of my life for the past 9 1/2 years is gone.

We only got to see her once while she was in ICU these last few months, mostly because she was just so sick. She had gone into kidney failure and was on a transplant list for that, and her lung infection finally spread to her blood, and that was it. When we saw her though, she was on a ventilator and a trach was in her throat, so we decided to tell her what our baby's name is. She was the only person on this planet who knew. And now, as my mom pointed out, it's nice to think that while we're waiting for this little baby to get here, Emily (who was a warrior in her faith) is already with her in heaven until the baby gets here.

What else is crazy is that her funeral is Saturday. It's quite possible I won't be able to make it to the funeral depending on the schedule of this little one. I'll update on yesterday's appointment soon, but for now, I just want to encourage all of us to remember how important our relationships are. That's all we get to take with us.

My heart is broken, but my cup still runneth over.

39 weeks 6 days

2010-05-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

So here I am...
Pregnant.
Greatful for that, but still pregnant.
Mentally it's like this: Someone tells you that you're whole life is about to change. And then that person gets distracted by something shiny and walks away.
It's this rediculous waiting game.
The first few days of maternity leave were really nice. I felt like I deserved them and I was busy finishing things.
But now, my thank you notes are written, the nursery is done, the infant to 3 month clothes have been washed...and I'm still pregnant.
The dr. appointment this week was anti-climactic again. She didn't check me. The heartbeat was good, bp was okay, not great but okay. No reasons to persue further intervention. So this is where my anticipation has set in. I really thought that Wednesday would be this magical day. But it's not.
So now, if I don't have this baby by monday I have an appointment for a Non stress test in the afternoon and then if still no baby another NST later on that week. She said she won't let me go beyond 41 weeks, so what I'm hoping is that this means she would induce next Friday instead of making me wait through ANOTHER weekend next week.
What I'm really hoping is that this baby will come today. Or tonight. Or tomorrow...or soon!

That's the update! Today I woke up with a big headache, I'm trying not to read anything into that, but I'm resting and hoping this baby girl will be good to go soon!

39 weeks 2 days

2010-04-27T21:05:00.000-07:00

What do real contractions feel like? Better yet, what did they feel like for you? I've had two very different feelings, but neither one felt like what I expected.
Feeling #1:
Like you sneeze and your abdomen cramps up for about 3 seconds. But without the sneeze. This all takes place in the lower part of my uterus.
Feeling #2
Cramping on only one side of my uterus, but it felt like when you are going for a jog and then you get a cramp because you haven't had enough water (or whatever, but a cramp while jogging/running type feeling).

Any insight? Everyone says that I'll just 'know', but I'm bored over here and looking for any signs of labor.
Next appointment, tomorrow, 9Am. Hopefully she'll finally check me.
Excited!

Already a little sad

2010-04-26T12:34:00.000-07:00

I am not sorry to say that so far I'm enjoying my first few days of maternity leave. There have been some really hard moments that have to do with my friend Emily (I'll post seperately about her later), but today, I'm quite enjoying being home and getting things done.

I am doing some baby laundry and I'm looking at some of these amazingly cute outfits that our little one has been given. The outfit on the left is what we'll be taking her home in (it's from Res.toration hardware baby and child - who knew they had a baby store, it's all online, really expensive, and I'm in love!).

But as I was washing all these little clothes, I got a little sad thinking about how quickly she's going to outgrow them. Isn't that silly? She's not even here yet and I'm worried about her growing up. What a funny reaction. It makes me think about #2. I want to enjoy each moment with this little baby as she may be our only child, but I'm just hoping that my body will have figured out how to get pregnant and in my crazy brain I just keep praying and hoping that getting pregnant a second or third time will just be as easy a wink.

Here's to being hopeful, happy and feeling very fortunate today.