Saturday, May 30, 2009

Like the Pea Soup...

...George and Martha have Split.

And I don't mean the good kind, like lots of babies, I mean, they decided to make like a tree and leave.

Yesterday was quite a day.

Let me start with Thursday, I gave my blood, and they were supposed to call before noon. I told them to leave a message (more on that later). I woke up Friday morning about 20 times and thought no, I don't want to test yet. So I went to the bathroom around 4:00AM and did not test. I woke up with husband about 5:30 and I told him I almost tested and he was dissapointed that I hadn't. I didn't tell him I was going to, but I had to go to the bathroom again (just a little) and so I tested but then covered it up while I was in the shower. I talked myself through all the emotions and by the time I was done I thought for sure I was pregnent.
The EVIL test said: Not Pregnant.
(and what is kind of funny to me today, but what wasn't funny yesterday is that I picked up the test like it was a rat or a lizard and threw it in the trash like a hot potato while some sort of mild explative left my mouth...'What the Hell' I think it was).
So I told DH what I did and we both cried and prayed and held out for a miracle from the dr.'s office. No miracle.
But what really made me mad was that they didn't leave the results on the message. I thought I had asked them to but I guess they just thought that calling and telling me to call back was a good idea. No one wants to be in suspense! Next time (and yes, there will likely be a next time) I will be explicit in my request for the message to entail the results. Not in a mean way, I'm sure they just want the personal touch, but I don't and since I'm paying the big bucks on this one, I'm happy to put in my request.
So there you have it. I just couldn't bring myself to post yesterday. OH, but I learned something about myself. I'm going to give myself props here for a second (yeah, I'm bragging) because I went through and entire day of work without crying about it. I think I must be one of the best actors ever. No one had any clue. Maybe it was just the stress of the day and work was a relief to be distracted but I had 150 high schoolers that I didn't take my pain out on! I think I'm ready for broadway people.
Anyway, I know that I'm praying for God's will to be done, so I don't know why I get so mad when it's not exactly like my will, but geez. This is a hard lesson. There are a lot of emotions I'm sure I'll expand on later, but for right now, there's nothing I can do about it, and I'm currently in the acceptance phase. Anger and embarassement came yesterday.
Okay, this is too much of a downer for a Saturday morning and I'm too in love with my husband to start getting into the why's, I'm just looking forward to working on being knocked up this year.
Oh yeah, and I"m pretty sure white water rafting is in my future this summer now. I really like doing that and I think it'll be my consulation.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Longest 2ww on the face of the planet...

Tied Up in Knots. Or at least I'm trying not to be.

Here is what has been done. Today, 4PM, I gave my blood to the RE. The lab was already closed (I knew that when I made the appointment) so tomorrow come the results.
I have NOT POAS. At first it was hard. But you guys, it's getting easier. Here's why:

I don't want to know.

Can any of you relate? I don't want to know! This cycle went so well. We had 8 embryo's to choose from, they looked great, I had excellent bedrest (although boring), back to work, I've taken things easy and had pleanty of symptoms to read into and lack of symptoms to scrutinize.

So really, I actually think I've become comfortable in the 2ww because I'm so afraid of bad news. I actually felt really bad for the first 20 minutes after I gave blood because it's the same feeling I get when I POAS. Except instead of waiting 3 minutes I'm waiting almost 24 hours.

I think what we'll do is leave my cell phone at home and then not check the message until I get home from work. I don't want to get a message and end up finding out either way between 3rd and 4th period and then have to work with 37 seniors who are expecting a Civics lesson and end up with life lessons and tears from Mrs. M! So... that's the current plan. Oh, and the Main nurse at the office today asked me if my boobs were sore and that that is the best indicator for pregnancy as the estrogen is really what causes the soreness, not the progesterone. Mine have been sore off and on. Just another thing to tie me up in knots over in the next few hours, right?

However, even if I leave my phone at home, I was told I can call anytime after noon and they'll have my results.

So this is why I'm in knots. Husband was great and on the way home we actually had dinner and then saw G.hosts of Girlfriends past. I liked it, DH not so much. ButI'monhormonessocutmesomeslackbecauseevenMatthewMcconoheycanmakemecrywhenI'mlikethis!

So... I'll report back soon. Probably with some results for you. BTW, this is 17DPO. Um, longest wait is really no exaggeration.

Lord Willing - here's to George and/or Martha and to being 'knocked up in '09'!

Monday, May 25, 2009

Still No News

Sorry I've been MIA for a bit, I went back to work on Tuesday and then my Dear Husband booked a lovely weekend get away for us at the beach this weekend. It was wonderful, 3 days of relaxing by the pool and eating way too many calories... and non-alcoholic drinks (which by the way, I think the sugar content makes things taste way better than actual acoholic drinks - example, try a pina colada, then try a non-alcholic pina colada. See which one you like better!)

Any way, my Beta is scheduled for Thursday, but it's not until 4pm, so I won't get the results until Friday.
My question is, do I test at home then on Thursday night so I'm prepared for the phone call? Or do I suck it up and wait until Friday after work so I have all weekend to adjust to the news (in case it's bad of course)?
Along with that question is the problem of the period. Will the progesterone I'm taking keep me from having my period or will that come anyway if I'm not pregnant? Did anyone get their period BEFORE their beta results? Just curious on that. Because if I start flowin' you'd best believe I'll be 'a testin'.
So that's where I'm at. Only 4 more days until beta results, but right now it's technically 11dp3dt. I could probably start testing now, but that I won't do (again, unless AF comes)... ARG!
The other things are the symptoms! It's rediculous because I know the progesterone makes you feel pregnant, but I still can't stop myself when I feel a 'tightness' in my uterus or aching in my boobs. Oh George and Martha, stick around, would you?
Praying to be Knocked Up in '09!

Sunday, May 17, 2009


That's it. It feels like 20days since transfer but nope. It's been 3.
I'm on day #4 of bedrest and I finally took a shower this morning (gross, I know. I have changed clothes and underwear though). I technically could've taken one yesterday, but since my transfer was around noon, I thought I'd wait until well past 48 hours so as to be strict about the bedrest.
Guys, this is really hard. I'm getting whiny. I'm getting bored. I'm ALMOST done with TV and movies. Here is a list of what I've seen thus far AND my ratings (because I'm bored and need something to do):

Taken - okay B-/C+

Bride Wars - eh - C/C-

48 Hours (with Nick Notle and Eddie Murphy) - Terrible! D-! I had seen this movie as a little kid (my parents didn't monitor my movie watching too closely) and I didn't really get it. Um, the racial and gender stereotypes are awful! At one point, the 'white cop' calls the 'black criminal' by the name 'watermelon!' Maybe I'm super sensitive because I'm a teacher, but HOLY COW! Oh, and the women were either prostitues or really stupid and were easily persuaded by the men. ALSO, Nick Nolte is a mess. I thought he'd hit bottom when he acosted Jennifer Ga.rner on the red carpet a few years ago. Turns out he never really had that far down to go!

30 Rock Seasons 1 and 2 - A+. I am a huge Tina Fey fan, but I finally shut the DVD off when I found myself having a dream that she hated me. A little too much.

Spies Like Us - A-. Classic and just as good as I remembered

Caddyshack - B+ - if I was a guy I'd probably have liked it more, but it was pretty funny.

Reading: The Shack - about halfway through, very good so far.

I'm hoping that George and Martha are sticking around, but yesterday, my mom wanted to take my picture to document the bedrest, and I stopped her. I think I hurt her feelings, but I have to remind her that I'm not pregnant and it's going to be hard enough for DH and I if this doesn't work, but I think I may have to peel her off the roof! I'll talk to her more about that tomorrow when she comes to me-sit, but that's the only real baby drama so far.

I'm sorry this is such a blah update, but I'll give more when I know more. Today I thought I felt sick after breakfast, but I believe the progesterone does that to you also.

Yikes! Only 10 more days to go until Beta. Um, not excited about that.
Praying to be Knocked up in '09!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I Should'a had a V8

Okay, you guys THANK YOU! I iced my hip before hand yesterday...GENIOUS! I don't know why I didn't remember that from reading all of your wonderful blogs, but I felt like a moron when I took the shot last night after some pre-icing and it barely hurt! I did tell the nurses today that ice helps and they all looked at me like, 'duh! didn't we tell you that?' and my husband I were no.
So, all things equal, I'm more okay with the shots. Oh, and I'm doing those in conjunction with two suppositories per day. Yikes!

So, are you wondering about today's transfer? Here's how it went...
I woke up feeling like I wanted to move around a bit. We didn't have to be at the dr's until 10:30, (but with traffic it could take up to an hour), but I suggested a morning walk to DH and he was all for it. Now the funny thing is that we live in the same area where we work, so we literally hid from our neighbor who is also a teacher with us because we didn't want to have to answer why we weren't at work.
We ran into 3 different people we knew at the park, but oh well, we just told them we had a Drs. appointment. That's enough to keep most people quiet.
So we had a quick breakfast at corner bakery and headed to the office. We met with the IVF coordinator who needed a decision about the number of eggs to transfer. We had... drumroll... All seven still dividing! Something like:
3-8 cell
1-7 cell
2-6 cell
1-5 cell
I don't remember what grades they all were, but they all looked pretty good, some just faster than others. SO, we transfered two (George and Martha is how I'm thinking of them... remember the hippo's that ate split pee soup? Were they hippos?) and froze 5.
Yippee! We had 5 to freeze! It makes it feel maybe a little less painful if we don't get knocked up on this first cycle because we have in the freezer. I don't know if they're all strong enough to survive the thaw, but still, we were pleased.

So now, here I lie, in the bedroom for today. My mother is so excited for us. The woman is coming over tomorrow and monday while DH goes back to work and she's already thinking of what to bring, what cravings I might have... I had to remind her we're not 'actually' pregnant. Although, I feel that I'm as pregnant as I've ever been. I'm blessed to have a gracious husband who will help me (he made me a turkey burger for lunch and I'm trying to flirt my way to him making some cookies for later) and a supportive mother.

I think I'll be checking in often, because it's only been 4 hours at home and I'm itching to get up. I will prevail...!

Praying for "knocked up in '09!'"

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I think Anesthesia is Fabulous

I believe those were my first words when waking up from the retreaval. Apparently I was in love with everyone from the Anesthesiologist to the Doctor, to the nurses, etc. I remember what I said, but I just remember being so happy that it was over and I didn't wake up in the middle of it!
So the doctor came to tell me that they got 10 oocytes! They got t0 eggs! During prep he said they were going to look for about 9 based on my last ultrasound, so yeah for 10!
Today I waited on end to get the phone call. I stayed on the couch most of yesterday afternoon, but I went back to work today (a girl only has so many sick days, I've got to spend them wisely!) and I kept checking my cell phone between classes to get my message. I finally got a call around 10, but the IVF coordinator just told me to call her back, so I'm thinking that can't be good news.
I left a message for her, and I finally got her call around 1:30 PM (during my prep period, so I was able to talk). Of our ten eggs, 8 were mature, and 7 fertilized! So tomorrow I'll get a call to see how many of the 7 are dividing. I'm very pleased. I think my RE goes so far to make sure that we don't over stimulate, I kind of worried about understimulation. But so far, so good. And today I took it fairly easy, but my stomach and 'lady region' feels mighty tight. It's okay when I sit or stand, but changing positions reminds me that my stomach is sore.

OH! And ladies, we need to talk! These PIO shots? Ouch! I mean really! What gauge needles do you guys use? The nurse drew circles on my hips so I know my husband is hitting the right spots, but OUCH! I actually cursed tonight (picture Ralphie from A Christmas Story and him saying "son of a b.itch"). I'll try to be more demure tomorrow, but geez, give me gonal F any day of the week.

So, I'm happy and I know that worrying won't make my little fertilized embryo's grow any more or less, so I'm going to be happy and leave this up to God.

Still hoping for "knocked up in '09!"

Sunday, May 10, 2009

14 Hours Until Retreaval

I had more bloodwork this morning at 7, and all looks well, so we're on for 9:15 tomorrow morning for retreaval (welll, that's whe I arrive. Probably closer to 10 I imagine).
I asked the nurses, tomorrow there are 5 hysteroscopys and 5 retreavals. They are going to be busy, busy, busy.
This morning worked out perfect to be at the clinic at 7 and then I made it to band rehearsal before first service by 8:15. I ended up telling our worship leader we were doing IVF, and his reaction surprised me in a good way. He and his wife are also in our Bible Study small group and they know we've been trying for 3 years. He got a big smile on his face and hugged me and said that he is thrilled that we're getting to try this and he really hopes it works. It was just nice to have someone be so supportive without having to explain much. I think that's a good sign. It was also an awesome day of worship, and since it will be a few weeks until I play again that was a great way to go out on.

I'll post more when I know more. I hope you all made it through today as unscathed as possible, only 364 more days until the next Mothers Day!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Coming Soon, to the Ovaries Near You!

Ultrasound Update:
Saturday AM - still have about 12 follies growing, between 11 and 20 mm now, so we're on for retreaval on MONDAY!
I must say, I'm more nervous about retreaval than I am for the transfer. I don't know if I'm afraid it will hurt, or afraid something will go wrong... I'm not majorly worried, I guess I'm just thinking that it's finally here! In a week or so I'll be as preganat as I've ever been. There's a lot of emotion there.

Tomorrow I go back for another ultrasound and more bloodwork. But check this out. It's Sunday. I play in the band at church on Sunday's. I requested the following two Sunday's off because of IVF, but the estimates were that retreaval would be this coming Friday, so now way did I think that tomorrow (mother's day of course) would be invovled. Here's the big issue, is that I'm usually at church at 7. The Dr.s office generously is letting me come in at 7 to do the ultrasound (amazing!) but the office is about 30 minutes away from our church. So this just means i'll be at church by 8, barring no hiccups. This is fine, and that way I don't have to come up with an excuse to tell the all-male band I'm in why I was late or wouldn't be there at all. So I'm excited, but nervous.
This whole process is yet again teaching me, God is in control. There is no way I could be doing this without Him.

I'm looking forward to Monday, and I'll keep you all posted when I hear more!

'knocked up in '09', here I come!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

And Back Again...

Today's count from the RE:
Still about 12 measurable follies all between 8-16. I haven't gotten the call yet from the Doc but she thinks they'll add cit.rotide to the mix so as to prevent premature ovulation.
I go in again for monitoring on Saturday and then the ultrasound tech is estimating Monday or Tuesday for the retreival. crazy! I cannot believe how quickly this is coming. It feels like once the shots start, this process gets moving! The birthcontrol so far has been the hardest/longest part.
I'm currently feeling like my pants are a little snug (perhaps a little bloat from the ovaries), but other than that, things are moving well. I'm excited to have a whole day at work tomorrow, and if it's true that retreval is sometime monday or tuesday, that will be great because I won't have to miss a ton of work for the 5 crazy days of bedrest coming my way.
Have I mentioned that? 5 days? The first two days after transfer are complete bedrest, the last 3 are modified bedrest but definately no working or doing much of anything. That seems like excessive bedrest, but my clinic has some good looking pregnancy rates, so I'll take their advice.

currently Praying for: Being 'knocked up in '09!'

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Back to Back

Yesterday I went back to the RE's office. The ultrasound showed about 10-12 growing follicles between 8 - 12 mm. This is good, right? The ultrasound tech said she liked it. They took some blood and then called me in the afternoon to say that I should increase my Gonal F from 150 to 225 and keep the Menopur the same. So I'm happy to do this, and then tomorrow (hence the ... to back) I'm in the office again for another ultra sound/bloodwork.
Now girls, here is what I'm thinking about these days.
This is the first time, ... I want to say in my life, but it's the first time that something has taken priority of my schedule. Here is what priority means: It trumps work! It's too weird that even work isn't in charge. I'm a teacher. Teachers have super set hours. They don't change! 7:15 until 2:45 is the contract, but of course usually I'm there for another hour or so after classes finish. But really, this is it!
It's so weird that the latests appointment I can get for bloodwork from the RE is at 1:00Pm. This means that for the next week (or until we're ready for retreaval!) work no longer wins! Now my boss is okay with this, but I still have to get coverage for my 6th period and stuff like that. And I must say, I'm a little weirded out that I don't know exactly what days I'll be out for bedrest. I can't call for a sub until I know when retreaval is. Next week? Wednesday? Friday? So many things to consider.

But I must say, I laugh even as I write this. Am I really trying to control anything in my life? Hasn't God used IVF and other things to prove to me that I really have NO control?
Human nature. it'll get 'cha every time.

I'll report again after tomorrow's appointment.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Giving Shots is Hard to Do

This was a great weekend for my husband and I.
We had lots to do and just got along great. Not that we normally fight, but you guys are all married, you know how it can be sometimes.
Well then, enter laundry.
It started innocently enough. I was in our bedroom sorting clothes. My husband came in and started 'helping'. What helping meant was that he was concerned with me putting slightly white clothes in with the colors because that would make the whites 'dingy'. That's where it started. I got touchy (if he wants it done that way, he can just do it! *snif* I'm not a good wife...all inner dialogue by the way, he's incredibly kind), he got frustrated that I was touchy (why doesn't she realize that I'm just helping? I thought wives liked it when husbands helped? Scratch head.). This usually happens once a month, around major hormone time.
So then, imagine our feelings when he has to give me two shots right after that. We both ended up crying and apologizing and hugging. This process certainly does NOT allow for lack of communicaiton in a marriage. (by the way, the crying for him started when I made a joke about what this process would be like if he was mad at me when he was giving me the shots - that was the wrong thing to say, he's scared to death of hurting me as it is).
It's a good lesson, and... he ended up finishing the laundry, so that worked out super well for me.

Next Appointment on Tuesday, ultrasound and bloodwork. I can feel the drugs working today (just a little feeling in my ovaries). Hopefully Tuesday will bring lots of follicals!

Hoping for: "knocked up in '09!"

Friday, May 1, 2009

2 Down...

Hopefully a lot more to go!

Tonight DH did the first two shots. My current regiment is 75 units of Menopur and 150 Gonal F. Things went well and now we're on our way to Disneyland. I figure tonight will be my last night on any sort of coasters for a while (hopefully a LONG while!) so I'm on my way.

I had another appointment yesterday where they had a hard time finding my veins, but other than that, all is well. I didn't ask for my levels on the phone, maybe next time I'm in the office I'll ask. I do still have a 10mm cyst going on, but to quote the El Doctor (he's Hispanic as is my husband), it's nothing that won't stop us from moving forward. I'm just hoping that it won't grow and stop anything.

Tuesday is my next ultrasound. At yesterday's baseline there were about 15-20 antral follies, so we're looking good!
Oh, and also, at yesterday's appointment there was a Baby in the RE's office. What I thought was funny is that El Doctor actually apologized for it. He said this couple just HAD to bring in their baby to show him off, and I could tell El Doctor generally felt uncomfortable. It's nice to know he's sensitive to that.
But Irony's of all Irony's, the main nurse at the RE's office is 7 months pregnant. Good for her, but boy, It's so weird to know that I've been seening the specialist much longer than she's even been pregnant. Good for her.

Enjoy the weekend. Tomorrow I'm doing a 10k walk for Cysti.c Fibrosis, so that should be a good way to get some fresh air!